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No family, no partner, aching for nurture...

(17 Posts)
Dorisdigs Fri 04-Mar-16 20:33:25

If you only had a tiny family to start with and your mother abandoned you at 8yo and then within a few years, you lost what little family you had left, how would you cope with the lack of nurture? If you then lost your dh in your 40s, how do you cope with the feeling that your 'love bank' is running on empty? I have a wide circle of friends and keep myself busy with activities, but nothing makes up for that yawning ache that you've missed out on an awful lot of love/nurture through the years. Am I doomed to always feel like I'm running-on-empty? If you've been in the same situation as me & managed to fill that hole that craves love, how did you do it?

TwoKettles Fri 04-Mar-16 20:38:08

No words of wisdom, but a hand to hold if you need it x

kittybiscuits Fri 04-Mar-16 20:40:43

That is a very tough hand you have been dealt there. What would you like for yourself for the future?

Dorisdigs Fri 04-Mar-16 20:42:29

To love and be loved.

kittybiscuits Fri 04-Mar-16 20:58:21

You deserve that. Are you looking?

Dorisdigs Fri 04-Mar-16 21:14:55

Yes I am looking. I wonder whether I will ever fill the hole I feel.

Mustgetmynailsdone Fri 04-Mar-16 21:36:23

I didn't want to read this and run
But I am trying to think of constructive , non patronising things to say as you have really touched me with this . Sorry isn't helpful I know . But I am .

Do you have children ?

Dorisdigs Fri 04-Mar-16 21:38:20

Yes I have kids - at uni.

Zaurak Fri 04-Mar-16 21:46:47

flowers I feel for you. Loneliness is bleak.

Do you have a pet?

It's not the same thing at all of course, but its a tiny thing that's positive

Dorisdigs Fri 04-Mar-16 22:04:34

Yes i have a cat.

springydaffs Fri 04-Mar-16 22:08:16

You asked. God. (NOT church, just to clarify)

Yy of course we need love with skin on. And the whole no human nurture/God thing can throw up some very tricky individuals. But 'i will never leave you or forsake you: assuredly not' ' when your mother and father forsake you, I will take you up' does it for me.

Almost exact situation as you btw. Worse, actually (sorry, not a competition). I worry about what it must be doing to me to be nurtureless - Or at least to feel it.

Really sticking my neck out here but.. I was getting into a right pickle worrying about the lack of love /nurture in my life and I went to the local church goodness knows why and the service had long started. As I walked in the door the vicar was coming up the aisle speaking in all his gear and just as I stepped in we came practically face to face as he came to the bit that said, in a booming voice so everyone could hear him in the church: DO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE. Went right through me, felt nailed to the very spot.

Just telling it like it was, folks. Because actually, worrying about it can be as harmful as the lack of love /nurture.

Mustgetmynailsdone Fri 04-Mar-16 22:23:03

I think it is understandable you feel lonely .. Being widowed , kids going off to university is hard enough
But All the trauma you went through in your childhood is so sad and must be so hard
I am sure meeting somebody would help heaps and heaps ( as long as he is a good one ) but I don't think one person can heal up all that sadness perhaps .
Love does always come with a risk of loss .

Are there any bereavement survivor groups you can go to/ have you talked to somebody .. A trained professional .. about your mum leaving you at such a young age ?
Can you talk to your children or will it worry them

Loneliness sucks I know
I really do know I promise
The works is a wonderful place but we want to share it I think .

Sending you lots of hugs
And don't give up looking ( carefully ) for a good man

X x x x x x x x x x

Mustgetmynailsdone Fri 04-Mar-16 22:26:35

Oops sorry Doris
I meant the world is a wonderful place .

Oh and one more suggestion
Just something that worked for me
I did some charity volunteer work when I was in a very lonely place once . It did help me a lot . Hard to describe without sounding corny but giving something and being appreciated for it filled up my heart quiet a bit .
Maybe you do already but it's an idea

Dorisdigs Fri 04-Mar-16 22:33:30

It's the quiet times, no one to ring up who's known you for a 100 years. No long shared history, no siblings, no family gatherings.

springydaffs Fri 04-Mar-16 22:36:15

Re charity work, I do a lot of work with the homeless. I absolutely love it, totally hits the spot - out and in.

Apart from anything, those people know all about lack of family and nurture. And I'm not as badly off (I'm humbled to say). << I realise that's the ' right ' thing to say but I genuinely feel it. I could be where they are (easily!) but I'm not.

VelvetCushion Fri 04-Mar-16 23:20:31

Doris, holding your hand. These are for you thanks

Aliceclara Thu 31-Mar-16 09:00:54

Hi, I just wanted to reach out to those who are lonely. My Dad has recently passed away. I lost my Mum in 2012. My Dad became ill in January just as my almost 4 yr relationship broke down. I had hoped we would be together for ever, I am 47 with two teenage children, and I have no family in the UK other than my children. I have never felt such loneliness, it is like a black hole inside. Coping with all that gas happened without family support has been devastating. I feel like a failure that I am not lovable enough, otherwise I wouldn't be alone. I am afraid to look ahead, I am desperate, as others have said, for someone to nurture me. But I won't give up. There is always hope.

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