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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Submissive

27 replies

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 17:33

Hi there! I have a FWB - no intention of having a serious relationship with him. He has a very high sex drive. I find that even just 5 minutes in his company - gives me a HUGE buzz and that being with him - is one of the best feelings I've ever had. However - he is asking me to do things that I initially think are risky (meeting up with other couples he has found on the internet for sex). I say no initially. But it turns me on, and then I find myself agreeing. Is this dangerous? I can't understand why I am behaving in this way?

OP posts:

Report

goddessofsmallthings · 04/03/2016 17:46

As I don't get the impression that you're coming from a place of sexual liberation, it seems to me you're best advised to seek counselling to work out why you feel compelled to engage in activities that may compromise your physical, sexual, and emotional health or worse as strangers, whether on the internet or elsewhere, are not always what they claim to be.

PacificDogwod · 04/03/2016 17:48

Seek RL help.

TonySopranosVest · 04/03/2016 17:50

Does he badger you to do these things and then you cave in? Or does he suggest things then accept your refusal and then YOU decide you want to try it?

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 17:53

He doesn't push me at all. He suggests - he says that he doesn't want to 'cause me trouble or stress'. Then I decide I want to try it.

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AnyFucker · 04/03/2016 17:56

Would you jump off a cliff if he asked you to ?

Jan45 · 04/03/2016 17:58

Do you not have a mind of your own, do what YOU want to do not what someone else is trying to coerce you.

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 17:58

He wouldn't ask me to do that. It's about sex - not killing myself.

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juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:00

I have never considered doing these things. But I am now considering them - because of him.

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goddessofsmallthings · 04/03/2016 18:01

He doesn't push me at all. He suggests - he says that he doesn't want to 'cause me trouble or stress'. Then I decide I want to try it

If you are doing what you want to do, where is your problem?

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:03

Really?? I DO want to do it!! I think I want someone to tell me off....

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ALaughAMinute · 04/03/2016 18:08

I think godessofsmallthings has given you some very good advice.

Be submissive if you want to but don't do anything you may later regret.

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:11

Anyone want to join us?

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juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:12

Sorry - I'm joking.

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phequer · 04/03/2016 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:15

Maybe you should PM me phequer.

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TonySopranosVest · 04/03/2016 18:17

Uh oh. Have you tried Fetlife? You might have more luck over there TBH.

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:18

Err - Tony. I have never heard of this before. How come you have?? Dodgy.

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phequer · 04/03/2016 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwod · 04/03/2016 18:19

If you want to do and feel good about doing it, then what is your question here?

juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:20

I have no intention of 'growing up'.

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juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:21

TBH - I suddenly feel VERY good about doing it. Thanks mumsnetters - you have helped me a lot!!

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Joysmum · 04/03/2016 18:27

Nowt wrong with partners suggesting new things at all. My DH and I have both grown together as a sexual partnership because of it. We also both feel under no pressure to do as suggested, 'two ticks in the box' as we'd say

So, this is truly what YOU want to do for YOU, you need to make sure you're safe.

You'll need to go on whatever you chosen site is and vet those you're meeting as best you can, maybe try a few meets without sex on the cards so you can judge the others, but do so in a public place and keep safe.

Just as important though, you need to think about what you'll do and what's out of bounds. You need to be sure that you can say no at any point without feeling silly, guilty or frightened to. Everyone has their line in different places so you need to be clear on yours and theirs.

Often the fantasy becomes less satisfying in reality as attraction isn't there or others are out to take pleasure, not give it.

Last of all, think about how you'd feel about yourself if you did, are you really this sort of person?

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juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:33

Joysmum - what a great post. Thank you! I watch porn, have strong fantasies and love sex. I've always thought of his suggestions as 'taboo' - but now I think - as long as I am super careful - why not? Your suggestion to meet in public, vet them carefully first - is right, and what I intend to do.

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juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:34

I feel like he is broadening my horizons, but I trust him.

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juicemyapple · 04/03/2016 18:35

But - yes. I need to decide on my boundaries. I've already said no - to being watched by another man. And he didn't push that any further.

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