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(22 Posts)
Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 16:11:36

The women (and men) who obsess and analyse over texting. In the days before mobile phones, would it have been a dealbreaker if the other person hadn't phoned every morning and every evening and a couple times through the day to connect with you everyday? Serious question? I think the obvious answer is no. So please stop wrecking potentially good things with this daft thinking. That is all smile

clashofclanswidow Fri 04-Mar-16 16:50:07

Valid point actually OP but sadly we are in the days of the mobile phone, so I think there is bound to be reasonable expectations now from those known to frequently use them?

Joysmum Fri 04-Mar-16 17:05:48

My DH and I have been together since way before I had a mobile. Mobiles have changed how we communicate in the modern world. I'd certainly not compare how we both communicate now to back then as it's quite rightly very different.

So whilst your obvious answer is no, it has no bearing on how we communicate today. That is all smile

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 17:17:59

You're right of course . It just pains me that adults are distilling quality of connections with each other on the basis of texting.

sonjadog Fri 04-Mar-16 17:28:27

I don't think your argument is valid, sorry. Phoning and texting are not comparable forms of communication. A phone call demands greater focus and time commitment than sending a text. Texting in relationships is a way of saying "I'm thinking about you". Phoning someone to say "I'm thinking of you" and then hanging up would be considered very odd behaviour. Texting has its own rules of behaviour that are different to phoning.

However, I agree that it is possible to read far too much into texts. I try to give the sender the benefit of the doubt if they seem a little brusk in manner, and if I don't hear anything back, I first of all assume that the other person is busy.

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 17:34:19

I think that's a healthy way to regard it Sonja . There's an arguement to say it's ok to just assume that if a date went well or a relationship is prospering that you should be able to feel like you are in the other persons thoughts , without texts as 'proof'. No other relationship really works like this, not with friends, family etc , although its nice to get an occasional text "just because" we don't expect it nor do we put any store on it either way. If you see what I mean. Texting has become a barometer by which a lot of people decide whether someone is a good person for a relationship or not! Which is bananas.

Cabrinha Fri 04-Mar-16 17:42:27

I don't think it's bananas.
Presumably when people got telephones, there were letter writers shaking their heads in a patronising fashion about new fangled devices.
Possibilities for communication have moved on.

Yes, there are needy types who just need to put the fucking phone down.

But, I have dated in the texting world, and every single time there has been a drop off on texting in the early stages - say first few months - not a single incidence of a busy person, but a noticeable decline in frequency - it has precipitated a dumping.

I also have found from my side that I'll text like mad to someone online, then chat to someone I like more and then bam just feel too busy to bother.

I think that changes in texting behaviour is an early barometer of declining interest, and worth noting.

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 17:50:12

I see what you are saying. I think I'm talking more about those who get in a panic because someone hasn't sent a good morning etc text after a few weeks of dating. Tbh if I was dating someone who started having a relationship chat with me because I didn't text them to their preferred frequency day in day out ad finitum then I'd probably want to run the other way. It's the way some people have a silent flow chart going on in their head regarding text expectations. I do think it leads to many potentially good things being binned off and usually by women who invariably say how much they enjoyed being with the guy and what a great time they were having...but he didn't text me back today until five hours I'm going to end it. Etc.

Cabrinha Fri 04-Mar-16 17:56:02

Texpectations grin

clashofclanswidow Fri 04-Mar-16 18:01:54

Phoning someone to say "I'm thinking of you" and then hanging up would be considered very odd behaviour

Has immature giggle grin

Cabrinha Fri 04-Mar-16 18:04:08

I actually think you're wrong about it leading to good things being binned off.

I think the more usual pattern is the woman doesn't bin the man but suffers hours / days of angst and then is happy when the text finally arrives, and jumps.

Sometimes that means they keep the good thing but suffer along the way - needlessly.

But sometimes it means they ignore good instincts when they should pay heed to their gut.

My OLD profile said something like "I'm an avid texter, moreso than phoning. I love daily random chit chat and I'm happiest with someone equally chatty".

As I say - my experience has been, if they go quiet in the early days, they're off the boil.

If you have texted a lot before a first date, I think it's a bad sign when it stops the very next day. No-one is too busy to send a single text. And phones in the loo / stolen / alien invasions are rare.

Cabrinha Fri 04-Mar-16 18:07:15

As well as the sudden drop off always indicating a dumping for me, I have also found that every first date that led to more dates had if anything an increase in comms next day! You should date people who are excited to have met you and be falling over themselves to text! (if they were texters the day before the date).

Of course it's fine if they text first thing "busy day at work, won't be back chatting until tonight - have a nice day!"

Fangs4themammaries Fri 04-Mar-16 18:15:21

Great Texpectations even, Cabrinha.

ladylouanne Fri 04-Mar-16 18:19:31

After a long marriage and several years of singledom, I'm having my first experience of dating in the world of texting.

The problem with it is that is just raises a load of other things to obsess about. The man I'm seeing will text me daily, but not randomly throughout the day, more at night to chat about how our days have gone etc. While this is nice, I've found myself thinking it would be nice just to get a 'good morning' text. I've sent him some of these by way of encouragement, and he sometimes initiates, but not that much. It wouldn't cross my mind to expect him to phone me on the way to work though!

Also, even when I receive these evening texts, i often wish he would be slightly more romantic in what they contain. Yes, it's nice to know he's thought about me (ie by ding the text) and wants to know how my day has been, but something to say he misses me etc would be nice. If texting didn't exist, this wouldn't even be an issue as he is nice and affectionate when we meet.

I guess the same issue existed in previous generations though. For every wife receiving a romantic letter from her husband during the war, there will have been another woman thinking 'ffs is that it! Weeks of nothing, then a short note telling me what the food and the weather have been like!' 😄

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 18:35:08

Haha that's very true ladylouanne grin

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 18:36:31

I suppose that somewhat serves the point... The texting frequency can be good but points lost for content . Textpectations is brilliant Cabrinha !! grin

TheNaze73 Fri 04-Mar-16 19:13:25

Well said Slowdecrease It's a pointless additional worry for some in the dating game. Getting 6 texts in a row, when you're at work, is a nightmare and just spells out needy. The devil makes work for idle hands....

chickentikkasarnie Fri 04-Mar-16 19:28:44

I don't care how much a boyfriend texts me as long as he is consistent.

So it's fine if he never texts me and fine if he texts me a lot but NOT fine if he isn't consistent without explaining .

Inconsistency to me is red flag numero uno for a head fuck

chickentikkasarnie Fri 04-Mar-16 19:31:29

Exactly as cab said...a drop off is a bad sign!!!

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 22:44:48

So as a matter of interest.. what if one day he feels like texting a lot and the next he really has nothing to say and doesnt...are you really saying that's a red flag every time? I can't buy that.

Fangs4themammaries Sat 05-Mar-16 18:36:27

But ClashofClans, what about 'I Just Called to Say I Love You' (song, Stevie Wonder I think)

clashofclanswidow Sun 06-Mar-16 05:55:44

Or the more recent Hotline Bling (annoying earworm alert!)

"You used to call me on my cell phone..."

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