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dating confusion

(36 Posts)
Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 13:54:06

Met a man online went on three dates really liked him. Then he said that meeting me made him realise he wasn't ready for a relationship. AT ALL.


Can't decide if it's an insult or not

Cabrinha Fri 04-Mar-16 14:06:34

It's not an insult.

It's potentially a total cop out - easier to say you're not ready for a relationship than say actually you're just not "it" perhaps. (easier for him, not for you!)

Could be genuine. I nearly met someone on Match then told him I was pulling out because I'd seen my ex that day and cried a lot. I didn't want him back but I was nostalgic and tearful and it made me realise I wasn't ready to date.

Fast forward 6 months and both dating other people, we finally got together afterall...

But I wasn't insulting him when I said it. Maybe he enjoyed the date but he found himself thinking he wanted an ex. Maybe he was thinking about the next date and thought - I can't be bothered with all this making time for dates...

Honestly though, I suspect he thought you were nice but just not for him, and thinks he's not hurting your feelings by saying this.

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 14:11:57

I think that was honest of him and not necessarily a reflection on you. Kudos to him.

Toomuchinfo1 Fri 04-Mar-16 14:21:25

I don't think you should take that as an insult.

I've personally not been in that situation, but I have friends that have tried dating and after the first date just realised that they aren't ready/ in the head space for it.

I obviously don't know for sure, but think he was just being honest.

blindsider Fri 04-Mar-16 14:24:53

potentially it's a compliment hmm

TheNaze73 Fri 04-Mar-16 14:48:03

As blindsider said, potentially a compliment. I think he liked you, was probably a bit scared & has done the decent thing & been honest rather than just disappearing or even worse, stringing you along

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 15:07:21

I have seen him since - just as 'friends' he's my 'hug buddy'

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 15:10:22

Thanks for the replies He's not on any dating sites now - we enjoy each other's company saw him Mon/Tues/Weds night this week. I've been on my own three years - him just over one - he got his decree absolute Weds

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 15:12:59

Ah that changes the complexion of it somewhat

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 15:16:29

I've removed my dating profile too

Slowdecrease Fri 04-Mar-16 15:17:46

Be careful.

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 15:29:55

I only started actively looking just after Christmas. Met a guy straightaway who was very full on - making plans for the future then playing mind games - limped on for four weeks then I ended it. Couple weeks break and then met this guy. I've given up now - what's the point

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 15:30:50

Just feeling bit pants now

StillDrSethHazlittMD Fri 04-Mar-16 15:48:42

OP - you say you've given up? You started looking just after Xmas. So, that's two months. One month of which, you were seeing someone and you (rightly) ended it. Three dates with this guy and you've got a friendship out of it (as long as you're happy with it).

You need to give it a bit longer than that! Christ, some of us have been single for six years, I know someone for 9 years and we both gave up internet dating after three years on and off various sites. When you've been in THOSE shoes, then say "what's the point!"

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 15:51:31

Ha ha - you may have a point there - I was just getting the usual waste of time messages and requests for more 'pics'. My friend has just hidden her profile for a bit - she's having a Man Free March

Cabrinha Fri 04-Mar-16 18:12:40

WTAF is a hug buddy?

Does that mean no strings sex?

Trills Fri 04-Mar-16 18:14:03

Hug buddy?

Sounds like a bad plan to me.

Trills Fri 04-Mar-16 18:19:15

What do YOU want?

If you want a relationship with him, you can't have it, He's said so.

If you want a relationship with someone else, that's not going to happen if you stop going on dating sites and see him 3 nights in a row.

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 18:42:40

It's someone to give and receive hugs with


Nothing else

chickentikkasarnie Fri 04-Mar-16 18:53:39

This happened to me a year ago. I took it very personally. I did stay friends with him and shortly afterwards he started dating other people so he did mean he didn't want a relationship with me.

By then I'd forgotten it and we stayed friends anyway. He became my once a week phone buddy and we met for on occasional drink.

He turned out to be a very good friend actually.

Few weeks ago now he sent me a message to say he'd made a mistake and he thought we'd make a great couple. By the I wasn't interested.

We're still friends anyway.

I think my point is not to take it personally because he might really like you but not be sure. Best to know than be dicked around

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 19:01:06

Thanks Chickentikkasarnie smile
Thanks everyone for your input / comments - I guess I just have to watch this space ........

( and drink wine

And eat chocolate

And cake ) winewinecakecakechocolatechocolate

Bree85 Fri 04-Mar-16 19:02:55

Forget about him. It's not you, its him. If he can't see your worth, then it is not worth it.

Tigger2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 19:47:16

Have decided to give the dating site
Thing one last go but my hearts not in it ( and in a weird way I feel like I'm cheating even though I'm not ). Weird :/

Cabrinha Fri 04-Mar-16 22:00:39

A hug buddy is for hugs?
So you don't even get sex out of it? confused
You won't meet anyone you can have sex and hugs with whilst you're wasting your time hugging Mr Going Nowhere.
Seriously - friends, fine (well, possibly) But if you're hugging, then it's an intimacy that is going to keep you tied to him and stop you moving on.
Was this hug buddy nonsense his idea? I don't want to commit to a relationship with you but I want someone warm to mother me and stop me feeling lonely? confused
Already you can't look online because it feels like cheating, but he's giving you NOTHING.
If you want to have a relationship with him, or someone else instead, then stop the hugs.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Fri 04-Mar-16 22:22:38

The fuck is a hug buddy? Come on!
The best way to do OLD is to have a go, go on a few dates, if you have a few repeat dates but it doesn't work out then take a break for a couple of months before starting to look again. Don't jump right back in after a non starter as you appear and feel too keen. Dating has to enhance your life, not be the point of it.

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