Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

SIL Issue

(3 Posts)
PandoNoPants Fri 04-Mar-16 10:35:15

I don't have a particularly close relationship with SIL. My DD and her DD attend the same school. If I happen to catch her at the gates (rarely) I smile and say hi.

This morning, DH dropped DD off and was blanked by his DB. He asked him what's up and apparently I have upset SIL because I have been off with her and only gave her a "grunt" at the school gate the other week.

I'm quite introverted, I don't like drama or aggressive confrontation. Just not my style. However, I noticed on FB twice in the last week some very vague, passive-aggressive e-card/inspirational poster type posts on SIL's wall. Now again, I'm not much of a FB person anymore. I don't have the time or energy to sit and like everyone's status updates (2 DC's) and I'm sure there is an algorithm thingy that shows you less posts if you are less active? I very rarely see anything from SIL and I wondered if I've upset her because I rarely like any of her posts (I have a few FB friends who are like this!)I did see these though. Putting 2 and 2 together, I'm 99.9% sure they are aimed at me. I really, really hate this kind of thing. I'd rather someone be direct if there is an issue and try to sort it out. Especially the over the top, PA, FB posts.

I've sent her a text saying I apologise if she's misunderstood anything or I did anything to upset her. I think the morning in question I wasn't at my best (DH away, DD had me up most of the night and I had a migraine). I feel I shouldn't have to justify this though? I also mentioned the FB posts and said I find them pretty PA and I'd rather she spoke to me without the need for childish drama.

Not sure why I'm posting really but I guess I just wanted to vent. How do you deal with PA people? I'm not into drama at all - I find it exhausting. Do you think the direct text was the way to go?

In the last 12+ months, I've worked pretty hard to stop being such a pushover and letting people walk all over me (MIL related). I feel embarrassed just writing this post, seems like a non-event but it's really stressing me out!

Apologies for the huge anxiety attack! sad

Goldenhandshake Fri 04-Mar-16 11:02:53

Personally I wind PA people up even more, because I find them so childish. She sounds equally averse to confrontation as you are, maybe your text will do some good, but it will likely lead to her denying the PA posts were aimed at you and coming up with some flimsy reason and then being shirty with you because you dared call her out on it.

PandoNoPants Fri 04-Mar-16 13:41:28

Thanks for the reply! I wish I could say she was adverse to conflict but she's as goady and loud mouthed as they come. That post was created to get to me unfortunately.

I must have missed the memo that we were apparent best friends because she is acting very strange. She has tons and tons of friends and only ever contacts me when she needs something. Trust me, im not pivotal to her existence. Maybe im being used as a scapegoat for something because the overreaction is abnormal in my honest opinion. Meh. Anyway, blocked and deleted her from FB and I've explained why to her.

She did reply and in a nutshell said I don't have anything to do with that side of BIL's family, it offends her and I can't do anything about it because im family and that's that.

I've had a real bellyful of MIL over the last decade. Last year and with help from the stately homes thread (under a nc) I gained confidence to change how I react to MIL. Not so long ago, SIL suffered the same but an inheritance payout seems to have changed SIL's opinion of MIL. hmm

At least I won't see what's probably on fb this afternoon wink

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now