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first night alone!

(3 Posts)
hurtandconfued2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 10:08:38

Well me and little one got home from hospital yesterday and what an awful day!!! My 2 year old was playing up the whole day I was in a lot of pain after my csection and the little one was just not wanting to feed sad
All the while my ex is on 2 week paternity leave and still hasn't met his daughter!!!!!
Everyone tell me it gets easier?? Every time I look at her face it just reminds me that he's not here! What he is missing and how much I am missing him not being the team we where when we had our son!!!
Sorry everyone just had to have a wee rant there

pocketsaviour Fri 04-Mar-16 10:13:17

Oh bless you love flowers

It will get easier I promise. I expect your DS was excited to meet his new sister and had been missing you lots.

It's so hard doing everything on your own but you've been so strong, you know you can do this. Your ex will never know or appreciate what he's missing. You don't need that prick in your life!

ToTheLeft Fri 04-Mar-16 10:26:21

Hi op. I'm sorry to hear you've had a tough first night. I posted on one of your other threads under another NN, but I've been where you are when XH cheated on me whilst pregnant and left me for her.

It does get easier but there will be tough days mixed in with the good days. But when you look back on this time in a few months, then a few years, you will be filled with pride and admiration for yourself for getting through it. I raised my eldest alone from 2 (he's now 16) as well because his dad decided he didn't want to know. I can't tell you how rewarding it is to know that the fantastic person you have raised is like that because of you.

So I have three DC, 1 who hasn't seen his dad since 2, and two DDs who spend time with their dad EOW and during the week too. But he's very difficult and I can still that it's been easier raising my DS alone because there is nobody else to consult, nobody else to argue with, nobody else to have to consider and it's you two (or three for you) against the world.

Make it as easy as possible for yourself. Rope in any offers of help, sleep when you can, let the small stuff like housework slide if necessary. You are doing an important and amazing job so need to be kind to yourself.

Ultimately what will help the most though, and this will take time, is letting go of your expectations from your ex. Let go of the dream you had to be a together family. I got back with XH after his ow dumped him and even though we were together, I didn't trust him and as he was an inherently selfish man as is your ex, he was a crap father and no help. I went on to have a second DC with him, this time he stuck with me but I was just as alone as when I had dd1 and he was off shagging. If you let go of the expectation, you will let go of the disappointment too.

No this may not be how you envisaged things going but invariably it will be a lot happier and better for you this way. He has done you a huge favour even though it doesn't feel like it right now. It will just take time to see that.

Does your midwife and health visitor know? Keep them in the loop. I ended up with pnd but antidepressants soon levelled me out. I also spent a lot of time taking my DC to mother and toddler groups and sure start centre groups. So when you are feeling up to it, I would recommend that. It helps keep you busy, you make new friends and it will take your mind off of things. When I first started going, I did feel jealous of those with supportive partners but before long, many of them had also separated and others became honest that things weren't as rosy as they could have been. It helped me to realise that having a 'together' family would not have made my life better and everyone has shit to deal with.

You will get through this and get through this smiling. Keep posting. We are here for you and your two precious DC flowers.

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