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Salvaging a professional relationship after romantic relationship?

(20 Posts)
FuckThisandThat Thu 03-Mar-16 22:23:54

I think for the first time in my romantic life I'm experiencing the slow fade/cowards dumping.

Unfortunately I'm going to need to salvage a professional relationship with him and if this is the way he's choosing to end things, I'm going to be bloody furious. Without going into too much detail we have a work relationship of sorts, I have to deal with him in the workplace but not as much as my children do... He's met them outside of his professional capacity, they like him a lot and see him every day with no chance of that changing.

I'd like to think that we'd both be mature enough to deal with this like adults, seeing as his professional reputation is at stake here but his current way of dealing with things is immature to say the least.

So how do I box the anger when I'm going to be at the centre of a crap load of gossip (something our relationship has always been subjected to), my children are going to be on the fringes of all this gossip, professionally he's acted foolishly and I'm bloody pissed off that I'm being treated like someone he's met twice off of POF or something! And I feel like a fucking idiot, I didn't for one minute think he'd behave like this, I never would have knowingly allowed my children to get caught up in it.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Thu 03-Mar-16 22:39:39

Oh OP, a horrid scenario. Been there, but without the children factor.

My suggestion would be to try and transplant yourself into his situation (in your imagination) and envisage the ways in which you would be discomfited by a cold reception, and then act them out.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Thu 03-Mar-16 22:42:21

Incidentally our situation was more student/teacher (so his rep on the line but my integrity tied up in it) rather than teacher-teacher as I assume yours is, but a lot of having to interact "in public" without any overt aggression, so I really do know what you mean!

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 07:03:44

Thanks Mermaid

We spoke professionally yesterday and it was completely normal but I hadn't really realised he was ghosting on me until yesterday evening when a friend pointed it out. I've heard from him 3x in 2 weeks, no conversation only him telling me how cold he was hmm or about his headache. A complete turn around to how he usually is.

Divathecat Fri 04-Mar-16 07:36:29

Do you have to work with him? There?

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 07:43:05

Not so much working with him, but a lot of work related contact with no chance of me moving due to the kids. Sorry for being so cryptic, trying not to out myself.

Divathecat Fri 04-Mar-16 07:44:05

Also why do your children have to see him? Is this a live in work place?

You say that professionally he has acted foolish but surely you both have if so?

You need to find out if the relationship is over, have a grown up conversation with him rather than try to second guess what happening. Decide between you how to be professional and what you want the official line to be. This will stop the gossip.

You have my sympathy in part, I met someone through work, same sector not workplace and was heart broken when we broke up, I moved jobs as I didn't want to engage professionally I got a better job and didn't look back.

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 07:54:02

I don't work there, my kids do. I've acted with integrity throughout, his professionalism has been questioned before, but during our relationship he has been fine... Until now and I assume he thinks he can treat me as badly as he likes (and not for the first time) and he'll expect me to be fine with it, I'm sure he's treating me like this so I'll dump him and he'll be able to walk away as the poor dumped man.

I would much rather sit down and talk to him but he's not engaging whatsoever.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Fri 04-Mar-16 09:27:23

Is this a man who your chidren see in an after school club capacity?

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 09:50:06

Teacher

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Fri 04-Mar-16 12:44:18

You were having a fling with your children's teacher?!!

amarmai Fri 04-Mar-16 13:06:24

as long as you are sure that he has no ulterior motives regarding your dcc , i think it is probably better not to stir the pot as will be less upsetting for your dcc.

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 13:45:47

Not a fling, a relationship for nearly 3 years!

Openmindedmonkey Fri 04-Mar-16 13:57:11

Would he be open to a calm, mature conversation about the end of your relationship? It seems to be heading that way anyway.
You are both invested in a sensitive & sensible outcome, so take control & make that happen to the best of your ability.

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 14:21:45

You would've thought so confused I tried with a text but he wasn't having any of it, wanting to talk about his tracksuit bottoms instead.

I'm just not sure what he's doing, a 95% decrease in contact but not actually communicating what the problem is. The only reason it's bothering me is because of the potential fall out on the kids if this continues and we end badly, which we will if he doesn't get a grip shortly. I expect better than this childish brush off.

This hasn't come entirely out of the blue, we had a bit of a stalker issue last year that caused us both a lot of grief, I ended up getting the police involved and spending £800 on solicitors fees, stalker resurfaced 2 weeks ago but has gone again, seemingly for good as they risk arrest now. We had a argument on the day they resurfaced but both apologised shortly afterwards.

sonjadog Fri 04-Mar-16 14:33:53

Don't end it badly. Just let it go. Stop contact him. From now on all contact is about your children's progress at school. Nothing personal is shared at all. You treat him exactly like you would any other teacher at his school.

This doesn't have to be dramatic at all. He might be doing a fade out because he wants to avoid any big conversations and just wants things to go back to a professional level.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Fri 04-Mar-16 17:21:32

Thre years and he's behaving like that? That's appalling. I thought you were going to say 6 months or something!! sad

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 18:05:18

That's the least of it, I'm the last person he wants to be pissing off after everything we've been through... I want to invoice him £400 in solicitors fees grin

amarmai Fri 04-Mar-16 18:31:20

of course he shd pony up the 400. And it will make you feel a little bit better. Is there a connection between the stalker and him deciding to cool off? Perhaps he thinks it may affect his career?

FuckThisandThat Fri 04-Mar-16 18:39:19

I'm not sure but I don't expect the stalker has helped.

He really should've thought about his career along time ago, I think this will be the nail in the coffin for him professionally. I love the bloody idiot, it's hard watching him self destruct, he's got a lot of issues and he's put me through A LOT. Oh well.

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