Sorry this might be a long rant!...I've been together with my partner for almost three years and we share a home together. He is late thirties and divorced (he was unfaithful to his wife, no kids). My partner has a sister who is just a couple of years older, she lives alone with her two little boys who are very cute and lovely and is also divorced and separated from two previous partners.
I've always been polite and also friendly to my partners sister, particularly when I saw that she wasn't very happy and seemed quite down and lonely (by her own admission). From very early on however, she started making snide and quite bitchy comments to me always based around my appearance ...hair style which by my own admission is crap, the fact I don't wear much makeup etc...they seem geared to make me feel low when I was happy...eg when chatting about modelling I'd done donkeys years ago to get by at uni she'd snark 'well I suppose you don't have to be conventionally attractive to be a model' with a nasty look on her face. She has bought the subject up...not me...and when she did I admitted that I'd been rubbish at it. If I try and start a pleasant conversation with her she doesn't engage though she is as nice as pie to me if her parents are present.
At first I was quite shocked and kind of convinced myself I must have misheard what seemed like school girl bitchiness..when the remarks became glaringly obvious I still didn't take offence and thought it might be because she was depressed ...I didn't mention the comments to my partner for fear of causing bad feeling and instead nagged him to phone / text his sister more often, buy her little gifts etc. to cheer her up...she didn't know I'd suggested these things and he didn't get round to doing them..but the point is..I went out of my way to try and be kind despite her snide remarks.
I had a very bad episode of feeling down recently after arguing with my partner (due to him getting drunk and verbally attacking one of his good friends) and being worried about some scary surgery I have due. My partner overshared this with his sister and she sent me a very austere patronising text 'urging' me to seek help because I was in an emotionally bad place' ....it was invasive and cold. I couldn't take it anymore and told my partner about the years of snide comments saying I was sick of receiving bitchy remarks in my own home and wasn't happy that someone who had bitched at me for years should feel entitled to invade my privacy with cold, condescending messages at a time when I needed comfort..I'm also not happy about her sticking her nose in our business so often. It turns out that my partner had noticed some of his sisters snide remarks himself...lol for a man to pick up on snarky backhanded compliments shows how glaringly obvious they were.
Predictably when he told her he'd noticed the remarks she became upset and denied them despite the fact he said he'd heard them himself....I googled 'problems with sil' and found out that it's not uncommon for sister in laws to be jealous...is this really a thing? From posts written by people in the same situation, it seems likely she will now try and cause trouble, accuse me of trying to damage their relationship etc..surely for a woman to behave like that in her's is 40's is just odd I think. The fact her remarks are all based on my appearance seems weird. Apparently this sister has gained weight and is unhappy her partner went off with someone much younger...but I don't think this entitles her to take it out on me I'm sure she's not the only woman in the world with these issues and my life isn't easy street. The remarks seem to be of the type a jealous girlfriend would make. Partner also told me this sister didn't exactly warm to his ex either. Im close to my own brother which is why I find all this so hard to understand - I do all I can to make his partners feel comfortable. Has anyone else had issues like this, or know where they tend to stem from. I now feel she is out to cause trouble.
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Relationships
snide comments from partners sister
metoo72 · 01/03/2016 13:26
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