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we are moving to a refuge

(41 Posts)
freedom100 Tue 01-Mar-16 09:40:38

Hi I am 23 years old with two children. After experiencing severe domestic violence from the father of my children AGAIN even though social services deemed him safe to be having contact with the children and told me to resume their contact.. I have decided to flee. Women's aid have found me a refuge, it's a 2 hour drive from where we live now ( I asked for it to be far away) I am so happy that I know I'm going to be getting away but also terrified! I have so many worries and questions. What happens to my council house and all my stuff as I can't take it with me? What about my two dogs? What can I take and what support is there for me and the children? Does anyone have experience of being in a refuge? Will they help me get housed closer to where I used to live when I'm ready to leave? So I'm not so far from my family in the end? I will have my own flat with my own kitchen and bathroom and 2 bedrooms ... Will it take long to get my 6 year old into a school?? So much to do so little time. They want me to go tomorrow . Any advice welcome please xxxxxx

winchester1 Tue 01-Mar-16 09:43:27

Sorry I cant advise other than to say good luck and maybe you should ask to get this moved to the relationships board to find people with experience and advice.

Just report your own post and ask hq to move it for you.

freedom100 Tue 01-Mar-16 09:47:22

Okay thank you I'm new to mums met, how do I report it? Xx

Mummamayhem Tue 01-Mar-16 09:47:47

There should be a support worker allocated to you when you arrive who can help with all of this. Also if your children have a social worker, they should be assisting you in talking with schools etc. But the only thing that matters here is that you and your children are safe. Take crucial stuff if you can, passports etc and any very special things for the children and then go. Go sooner if they'll take you.

freedom100 Tue 01-Mar-16 09:48:24

Found it X

traviata Tue 01-Mar-16 09:49:08

definitely ask to move to relationships board on MN, there is much good support there.

Try charities for dog fostering whilst you are in temp accommodation.

Tell your housing officer that you are moving to a refuge. Later you can start a claim to have the council house tenancy transferred to your sole name.

freedom100 Tue 01-Mar-16 09:49:34

We don't have a social worker, but I have rang ss myself and informed them of what's happening. My boys were on a child in need but it was closed at the end of last year X

kalidasa Tue 01-Mar-16 09:49:48

I reported this for you to say you'd like it moved.

freedom100 Tue 01-Mar-16 09:51:38

Thank you kalidasa xxx

freedom100 Tue 01-Mar-16 09:54:05

The council house is already in my soul name? But I didn't know if I would have to give up my house? As housing benefit will be paying some of my rent in the refuge, and surely they don't pay for two places? I can't even ring the refuge and ask because I don't have the number , I'm not even allowed to know the address til I get to the area and someone picks me up xxx

BeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 01-Mar-16 09:59:11

Hi all - we'll pop it over to relationships now.

DottyBee Tue 01-Mar-16 10:05:38

In exceptional circumstances housing benefit may be paid on two properties. It would be best if you contacted your housing benefit office for further advice.

ItIsHowItIsx Tue 01-Mar-16 10:06:39

Can't offer advice, but I want to wish you the very best of luck. I hope you and your children get the support and advice you need. xxx

Friendlystories Tue 01-Mar-16 10:10:04

Can't offer any useful advice on your other worries, am sure there will be knowledgable posters along soon but know Dogs Trust offer fostering for people suffering domestic violence so definitely give them a call. If you have no joy with them I have contacts in various areas who work in dog rescue, if you felt comfortable letting me know your general area by private message I'd be happy to ask around to try to find someone to foster your dogs til you're settled in your own place. Obviously can't guarantee anything but I can certainly try. Well done for getting yourself and your children out of what sounds like a horrendous situation flowers

hellsbellsmelons Tue 01-Mar-16 10:14:51

Once you get to the refuge they can help you with all your questions.
Well done on taking action to protect yourself and you DC.
That takes a lot of strength.
I really hope this is the start of better life for you all.
Good luck.

thecatneuterer Tue 01-Mar-16 12:21:16

Dogs Trust Freedom Project:

PoundingTheStreets Tue 01-Mar-16 12:28:47

Good luck. flowers

freedom100 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:31:54

Hi everybody thank you for all your kind words and advice xxx it turns out that housing benefit will be payed for me at the two properties which I am gobsmacked by! How amazing and helpful is that. I thought I would have to give up our home. I have rang dogs trust and also rspca but nowhere has space for the next 3-4 weeks regardless of the circumstances. Fern if u could send me a message I would happily give u an idea of the area we are in as if really prefer not to regime the dogs so any help would be appreciated so much! Xxx

madein1995 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:45:31

Good luck flowers

In terms of what to take, take as much as you want but don't worry if you can't take everything. Important things like passports, birth certificates, are the priority. The refuge should have clothes, bedding, toiletries etc available for you if needed, I know we do. They'll give you a lot of support, both practically and emotionally, and will help get children into school, registered at doctors, show you around town, etc etc. There will most likely be child workers there who will do activities with the children too. All refuges have different policies, but I'm sure the worker who meets you will be able to answer your question. For now, focus on getting you and the children out.

Friendlystories Tue 01-Mar-16 12:58:21

Have PM'd you OP.

bookwormish Tue 01-Mar-16 12:58:40

Depending on which council you are with, you should find that your housing officer can offer you advice and support about what to do next with regards to your council house - you certainly won't have to give it up if the tenancy is in your name but you could be moved home for your safety. If you decide to move they can support you to as well as the support workers at the refuge, so do get in touch with them as soon as you are able to do so. The refuge will have all this information and more anyway, good luck.


Just wanted to weigh in with, good luck & well done!

GinIsIn Tue 01-Mar-16 13:05:20

Good luck OP! Is there a friend or family member who could take the dogs in just until you find your feet? Also, it might be worth contacting your vet to see if they can suggest anything.

fondationmaeght Tue 01-Mar-16 13:11:38

Wishing you best of luck. Future begins now

DoBananasWearPajamas Tue 01-Mar-16 13:12:50

Just wanted to wish you luck x

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