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Advice for a man

(9 Posts)
slightlyinsane Mon 29-Feb-16 22:32:51

I'm hoping you helpful lot can give me some info to pass on.
Very brief information, we know this lovely, quite, shy young (early 20's) man.
He is in a strange relationship, on off on off again, I don't think he knows himself what's going on day to day. They have children together, they live with her no formal arrangements in place.
She is a horrible abusive person, she's controlled him for years, bully's him, belittles him and often beats the living day lights out of him, he doesn't fight back and won't press charges as he's worried about her refusing access to the kids.
What's the best support/advice organisation for me to pass on to him. I'm not sure how he'll take it but I'm at the point where I'm concerned for his mental health and safety.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 29-Feb-16 22:39:05

Listen to him. Validate his feelings. Tell him it pains you to see him so low and that you don't think her behaviour is right. That the children are surely learning harmful lessons from what they see. And pass on the contact details for the nearest charity for mad victims of DV in your area. Boost his belief in himself, that he is capable of taking action. And then allow him to choose his own path in his own time.

Caveat: if you think the children are being affected, then inform SS.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 29-Feb-16 22:39:39

*male victims - excuse typo

Morasssassafras Mon 29-Feb-16 22:53:41

If you click on the 'domestic violence webguide' link at the top of the page there is a link to a male specific website. Link didn't work as is but take the men_something.php off the end and it works.

From memory I think some of the other sites have links for men too.

MaryRobinson Mon 29-Feb-16 23:06:57

He must leave and he must do his very best to make sure the children come with him.

slightlyinsane Mon 29-Feb-16 23:07:42

Thanks, I feel so sorry for him, he's put up with some god awful physical abuse.
I never show pity etc in front of him, I listen to the mundane day to day stuff knowing that he wants to do something about it but just hasn't got it in him anymore.
The kids are niggling at me, I don't know her never seen her or questioned her behaviour towards them.
They are young under 2 so at a lovely impressionable age to copy cat.
It's going to go round in my head, I just don't know if the kids are safe, I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and ask him

AnyFucker Mon 29-Feb-16 23:11:15


sadwidow28 Mon 29-Feb-16 23:15:25

YOU contact NSPCC and outline your concerns for the children. They will refer to Social Services who will risk assess the situation. You can phone anonymously but you have to give address details of the children who are being potentially harmed by this domestic violence.

Have the courage to report now you have asked for advice.

slightlyinsane Mon 29-Feb-16 23:32:30

Thanks Anyfucker that's the one I couldn't remember.
Sad widow, I don't know any address details. I'll phone and see what advice they can give me, I have to do something, the what ifs are too horrific considering what she's capable of.

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