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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Fed up.

(7 Posts)
1fedupmama Mon 29-Feb-16 18:17:05

I've been with my partner for a little while now, almost 2 years (with a few blips in the middle!) but recently I'm feeling more & more fed up with the whole relationship.
I love him to peices & we say we want the same things, family, house, money, bla bla bla, we are still young (25 & 22) but we understand that because we both have kids we need to be realistic about our future. But it's like we have nothing in common anymore, we never go out for drinks with friends, if I choose to do this without him he goes in a huff about it but I am sick fed up of staying in to do nothing! We never go out for tea 'skint' we never go walks 'tired from working all week' we never seem to do anything!!
He has the dream of being a body builder, & I totally understand that takes a lot of work & I respect that he spends a lot of time in the gym & making meals etc & I understand he has a full time job & is very busy.... But it would still be nice to do more than watch tele on the days/nights we actually get together. I'm not saying I want taken out for 3 course meals & he needs to spend a fortune on pleasing me every time we spend the day together, just a bit of omph in the relationship would be nice.
I often offer to pay for us to go out for meals, cinema, try new things, even days out with all the kids etc but he's too proud to accept so we end up doing nothing or doing things seperate then he moans I don't spend time with him confused
It also feels like I drop everything to make time for him, if he has a free day I'll spend it with him so my jobs etc get put on hold. But he wouldn't do that for me, if he has a spare day he will fill it with jobs then moan he's busy & never gets to see me.
Just feels like we've hit a brick wall & no matter how much effort I put in we can't get over it!
I haven't seen him for over a week & I don't feel as though I have missed him & if I'm totally honest I've enjoyed having a week to myself, ive done all the DIY jobs he said he would get round to, I've done dump runs (he said he would help with) I've been runs, cycles, walks, I've caught up on all the soaps I've missed while trying to make time for him, been for family days out just me & my kids, it's been great but made me realise although I love him to peices, I may be better off without him....... hmm god sakes help?
I have a date planned with my best friend this weekend I'm hoping either this or that will help me come to some kind of decision... Work at it or drop it?

LineyReborn Mon 29-Feb-16 18:23:39


You sound really incompatible together.

You sound bloody great on your own; or with the right man.

1fedupmama Mon 29-Feb-16 18:37:17

I was thinking that but feels like all th fighting we've done for this relationship would be for nothing, a lot of time & effort wasted (long story short, interfering exs & a small town with big mouths!) don't want to feel like I'v gave up so easily but can't go on like this either.....

LineyReborn Mon 29-Feb-16 18:47:46

Sunken costs fallacy - Google it.

You sound genuinely wonderful with so much energy and potential. Let it go. Find your real life. smile

pocketsaviour Mon 29-Feb-16 18:49:56

You've only been together 2 years. At this stage it should still be hearts and flowers and spending every minute making each other happy. Otherwise what's the point?

He may be a very nice person but that doesn't make him the RIGHT person for you. Just think: do you want to spend the next 30 years staying in every night because he's saving all his money to spend on creatine, gym fees, and protein shakes?

gBean Mon 29-Feb-16 18:50:26

He sounds like an arse. Tell him to ship up or ship out.

1fedupmama Mon 29-Feb-16 19:01:35

Sometimes he wonderful, I'll get flowers 'just because' but recently we have both been a bit skint, but there is still loads we could do that cost little or nothing.
In understand his lifestyle will be expensive & time consuming but I was respected that & was willing to put up with it, but no if that means I get totally & completely shoved to the side. Which it does feel like I have been recently.
I recently got a new car so feels like I don't need him as much either, I can do my own shopping, go places with the kids without having to rely on other people/public transport & can take myself places, do more things, I can go to fitness classes on my own, visit friends on my own, I have freedom! So all the things I used to rely on him for, I now don't. Could that be contributing to how I'm feeling?

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