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Husband hinting Mothers Day is gonna be a huge hassle - for him. Need to vent!

(72 Posts)
ruddygreattiger Mon 29-Feb-16 18:01:35

Ok, need to vent with this latest reason for me to be pissed of with hb.

Hb Mentioned couple of weeks ago about taking me to my favourite restaurant for Mothers Day, I said yep, that would be lovely and left it at that. I assumed (wrongly, of course) that he would grow a brain cell and book a table straight away as this particular place is always full as he well knows.
Cue today, he casually mentions he only contacted them this morning and shock, horror, they only have one table left and its at midday. He didn't book it because he will be finishing a night shift on Sunday and will only have chance to get around 6 hours sleep before we would have to head out.

So, his big gesture is he is going to cook me a meal at home. That is it. No going out for a couple of hours being spoilt, nothing, and he thinks I am ungrateful because I am not praising him for deciding to cook me a meal.
Breakfast and supper I can guarantee it will be me doing it all as usual.

I cook for the entire family every single fucking day and I am supposed to be overjoyed that he can be bothered to cook for me ONCE.
So now he is asking where else I would like to go, what would I like to do etc etc etc. We have been married for almost 18 years and he cannot be bothered to use his initiative to arrange something I would like - his excuse is that I am hard to buy for or surprise!! Er, I like sparkly stuff, chocolate, nice wine, smellies, tickets to a show and so on. He fucking well KNOWS this!!
I lost it and told him I shouldnt have to tell him what to buy/where to go or arrange my own fucking Mothers day, it is for him to show how much he thinks of me!! Are all husbands this fucking bone idle when it comes to willingly show someone how much you appreciate them??

I am getting the impression he is laying the groundwork for it to be a shit Mothers Day.

Tempting to say I would actually like money and to go out on my own for the day and spoil myself.

Jan45 Mon 29-Feb-16 18:04:32

There you are then, take his money and go out and spend it on yourself, without him, he sounds beyond useless.

cuntycowfacemonkey Mon 29-Feb-16 18:07:24

How old are your children, you haven't actually mentioned them at all in your post? If they are teens then it should be them doing the organising!

ImperialBlether Mon 29-Feb-16 18:13:14

The thing is that his laziness and your response have guaranteed that you won't enjoy yourself this Mothers' Day. Better to just ask for the money (if you have separate accounts) and spend the day by yourself.

tingon Mon 29-Feb-16 18:15:51

My DH never ever did anything for Mother's day, I didn't realise that some men did. When the children were old enough they did it themselves because I'm their mother.

It's not wives day, I don't get it.

phequer Mon 29-Feb-16 18:16:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NNalreadyinuse Mon 29-Feb-16 18:18:37

Disagree. It is up to husbands to make sure the kids do something. So giving them money to buy gifts or booking a table for lunch.

phequer Mon 29-Feb-16 18:21:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 Mon 29-Feb-16 18:25:41


If they are too little then dad needs to sort a card on their behalf.

Or is this heading for a drip feed of you telling us he never does anything?

slightlyinsane Mon 29-Feb-16 18:25:48

I'm already thinking I can't be bothered with Mother's Day. I can tell you what the whole day will be.
If the kids are awake before 8 then I'll end up getting up with them. If it's 8 I'll get a lie in where I'll listen to the kids bickering and arguing, he'll be shouting at them because they haven't done what they were asked first time. I'll give in and get up to referee. He'll moan that I've got up and ruined his surprise (him sat on the sofa watching tv, huge surprise)
By that point I'll have written the day off. The pots will mount up, the house will be trashed and all I'll think about is the shit day I'll have on Monday putting it all back together again.

sminkypinky Mon 29-Feb-16 18:27:11

Yes tingon I got a card last year for my first mother's day last year and will probably get the same this year, I wouldn't expect anything else. When DS gets old enough I assume there will be some pasta/glitter/poster paint masterpieces for me to stick on the fridge. I wouldn't expect DH to go to any great effort.

Fairenuff Mon 29-Feb-16 18:27:39

Yes, OP, where are the children in this scenario?

BoyGirlBoy3 Mon 29-Feb-16 18:29:52

My husband does nothing, I loved the hand painted cards when they were at lower school.

pictish Mon 29-Feb-16 18:30:23

Must have been weird when you gave birth to your husband.

pieceofpurplesky Mon 29-Feb-16 18:32:38

Glad it wasn't just me wondering about the kids - maybe the op and her DH call each other mummy and daddy!

pictish Mon 29-Feb-16 18:35:25

Dh oversees the burnt toast and coffee slopped over the duvet at 7am and the younger kids make cards at school. Eldest will probably offer to cook dinner.

pictish Mon 29-Feb-16 18:36:38

How old are your children OP? You don't mention them in your Mothers Day lament.

phequer Mon 29-Feb-16 18:38:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cedricsneer Mon 29-Feb-16 18:41:22

I suppose the fact that you mention that he has offered to cook "for once" may indicate that he is a bit crap at pulling his weight generally? If so, then this issue seems deeper than Mother's Day.

Otherwise I have to say I don't get people being precious and a bit passive aggressive about being "spoilt" - especially on a day that is meant to be about mothers and children.

There is no joy in a Pyrrhic victory where you have expectations that aren't met and you sulk your way into some kind of "treat". I'd let it go or address the bigger issues.

Floggingmolly Mon 29-Feb-16 18:41:37

Since when is Mothers day all about your husband taking you out for lunch?
A hand made card and a bunch of limp daffodils is all anyone can rightly expect, surely?? From the kids, that is, the husband's got sod all to do with it.

pictish Mon 29-Feb-16 18:45:46

Since MN decided it was. I never come across this 'wives day' bullshit anywhere in rl.

cosytoaster Mon 29-Feb-16 18:52:49

Whatever anyone thinks about Mother's Day, if he is doing something for you to celebrate then he should do it properly and not expect to be lauded for cooking a bloody meal, so I don't blame you for being pissed off.

Joysmum Mon 29-Feb-16 18:54:39

Mother's Day has always been about my DH and my DD colluding it make it a special day out for me including lunch or dinner out. It's what I like, and they like to please me smile

annandale Mon 29-Feb-16 18:54:59

I don't expect a lot on Mother's Day because I'm utterly shit at organising anything beyond a last-minute forced card production from ds on Father's Day and in general, I don't think it should be a big restauranty festival, as only big restaurant chains have any stake in making it a Thing.

HOWEVER, if your dh says, right I'm going to take you out and treat you like a queen on Mother's day, and is then too crap to organise it, that really is a bit shit.

I would rein in the shouting as what does it achieve - but start planning yourself a weekend away for your birthday. Even if no cash, could you go and stay with a friend/your mother/anyone who can be relied on to let you sleep as long as you like and have a long soak in the bath followed by a takeaway?

pictish Mon 29-Feb-16 18:55:46

Yes - Mothers Day asides, having your husband cook you meal at home isn't a treat. It's just dinner.

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