Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you dump a friend who is always moody with you but happy and fun with everyone else?

(15 Posts)
GreenFishYellowFish Mon 29-Feb-16 11:01:05

This is all going to sound a bit juvenile but it's really upsetting me.

I have been friends with Claire (not her real name) for 2 years. We live a couple of doors away from each other, our children are at school together too.

Whenever I see Claire, she is always moody and uncommunicative to a degree, although she does initiate meeting up as much as I do. She just always has a bad mood vibe about her, whether we are at the gym together, meeting for a coffee at each others' houses, or bumping into each other on the school run. There is never anything particularly concrete to cause these bad moods, she just always seems like she doesn't really want to be there, and that she finds me irritating. If I've done things for her, such as collected her kids from school, or grabbed some bits at the supermarket that she's asked me to get for her, she never really thanks me, or even particularly smiles. I always feel a bit deflated when I've been with her, like I've done something wrong but don't know what, and just really undervalued and unliked.

Recently, Claire has also become friendly with another neighbour, and fellow school mum, whom I will call Alison. I have seen her with Alison a few times and whenever she is with Alison she is chatting away animatedly and smiling, and laughing away. A complete contrast to how she is when she is with me. She gushes a lot on Facebook about Alison, and about how great Alison is and how she is a great friend, and every time she sees Alison it is documented on Facebook. She has never ever mentioned any meeting or activity with me on Facebook at all.

It was Claire's birthday last week. I got Claire a present, and put it through her letterbox as she was out for the day on her birthday. I did not, and still have not, received a thank you or acknowledgement for this gift. Alison got Claire a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates, and Claire put several photos of these gifts on Facebook and said a public thank you to Alison on there and about what a great friend Alison is.

Would you ditch Claire as a friend? I really don't think that she values me at all as a friend. I don't want to be overdramatic or throw my toys out of the pram so I would do it in a cheerful, polite way.

Or am I being oversensitive?

Sonnet Mon 29-Feb-16 11:05:53

Gosh! sorry she has treated you like this.... TBH she is not someone I would want to be friends with.

In your situation I would pull back and just "not be around" if she wanted to meet up.

I would defiantly not say anything about your gift - such as did she receive it. Interesting to see if she mentions it...

GreenFishYellowFish Mon 29-Feb-16 11:08:32

I don't think she will mention it. I've given her children birthday gifts in the past too and had no thanks for those either sad

I just feel so hurt by it all. I feel like I've invested in the friendship a fair bit, and then all the little things she puts on Facebook about how marvellous Alison is are just another kick in the teeth. I have seen her walking to the school with Alison recently chuckling away and then she's seen me and said a very monotone, serious "hello" to me. It just makes me think what the hell is wrong with me?

MoominPie22 Mon 29-Feb-16 11:10:27

No you´re not. I would def ditch the bitch. She clearly doesn´t like you very much ( tho God knows wot her problem is ) but can´t come right out and say it. She sounds like she´s happy to take from you though, but reciprocation nor appreciation are her bag.

I hope you´re not that desperate for friends that you´d continue with this Face Ache blighting your landscape like a black cloud of doom! Seriously, bin her. Stupid cow. Some people just don´t gel and that´s fair enough.

pocketsaviour Mon 29-Feb-16 11:13:04

OP I don't want to sound harsh, but you've been a mug.

This woman is using you as her emotional punchbag and rubbish bin.

Not a work of thanks for presents? Fuck her off!

Be prepared for her to suddenly either turn on the niceness when she realises she's losing her doormat, or for her to turn vicious in an attempt to regain control.

invisiblegorilla Mon 29-Feb-16 11:16:52

She's not a friend, I'm afraid. There's nothing wrong with you at all, if anything it's her. I'd stop doing any of those favours for her and just pull back completely. I've had 'friends' like this in the past and have realised that they see you as a last resort or just-in-case person to have around, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a bit of deliberateness around these Alison posts and her treatment of you.

MoominPie22 Mon 29-Feb-16 11:17:00

NOTHING is wrong with you so please stop that nonsense for a start. The problem does not lie with you, it lies with her. She´s just one of them mardy, manipulative bitches that are unfortunately 10 a penny. They´re everywhere!

If someone just wants to take take take then they can get to fuck, as far as I´m concerned! Get rid of her on FB. Blank her when out or look straight through her. She´ll get the message cos she knows damn well what she´s doing. Pushing the boundaries. You get naff all out of this relationship so why be in it? She´s a plank, let her get on with her shallow, vacuous life.

It is nothing that you´ve done I promise. Don´t spend another sec thinking of her, she´s a waste and adds nothing to your life.

gamerchick Mon 29-Feb-16 11:18:50

She's using you. Personally I've dumped for a lot less, start saying no and be unavailable for meet ups. Her awesome friends can do her bidding for her.

Honestly try it you'll feel better.

tootsietoo Mon 29-Feb-16 11:21:30

Doesn't sound like she's worth the effort! But I think these things never have to be "ditch or not" black and white. Just don't bother calling her or organising things. Don't buy her presents. If she tries to organise something with you, if it suits you and you'd enjoy it, go. If it doesn't then don't go. You'll probably find you see less and less of her and then you can spend more time with people whose company you enjoy.

Only1scoop Mon 29-Feb-16 11:21:38

She uses you I think

She lacks manners

I'm not usually PA but I'd just be civil and mirror her a little in this case.

I'd be repeating to myself

We are neighbours not friends

Slowdecrease Mon 29-Feb-16 11:25:51

Just ghost her and see what happens. You'll probably never hear from her again. I had a friend of 25 years who was like this..I simply stopped contacting her one day to see if I heard from her again - never did and doing ok tbh.

Arfarfanarf Mon 29-Feb-16 11:25:55

I would drop her. You really dont need that shit in your life.

Yoksha Mon 29-Feb-16 11:29:15

Yy to blocking on Fb. You just don't want the aggro! It's her issue not yours. You need to cook up a strategy and set boundaries. Be prepared for her to want to " talk about what's gone down ". She'll turn it around to being your issue if your not prepared for this. I speak from experience. The vacuous shallow types follow a script. That's why they're so predictable.

Sonnet Mon 29-Feb-16 11:32:17

I would follow Tootsitoo's advice.

iyamehooru Mon 29-Feb-16 11:33:37

Ditch her. She doesn't value you X

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now