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It looks like My husband is planning to leave us...

(144 Posts)
GrandHighWitchy Mon 29-Feb-16 10:39:14

Long backstory, but main parts are he has physically abused me in the past, i suffered many miscarriages after he had hit me. I stayed because I felt shame at ending my marriage and what people would say. Our families also do not get along. We are from an Asian background so this is a big issue.

My dad has been ill past few weeks in hospital and he hasn't been helping with the kids. we had an argument and now 2 days later I see his suitcases are packed. Looks like he's leaving.

He's done the packing suitcase act before and I always stop him. This time I don't give a shit. He can fuck off. For all the shit he's put me through and ruined my self belief and confidence. He's gone to work now. I assume he's going back to his motherland in a few days although I haven't seen any evidence of tickets etc. he's blocked my number, deleted me off Facebook etc. my sister is telling me to let him fuck off and have some self respect. I have her support.

How can I prepare? I don't work. My dads ill in hospital. That's all that matters right now but I feel I should be prepared.

Sorry for being all jumbled up. I don't really feel angry/sad/anxious about this. I feel nothing.

momb Mon 29-Feb-16 10:41:23

Listen to your sister. It sounds like your biggest problem is about to sort itself out without your intervention.
99 problems but he won't be one? Concentrate on your Dcs and your sick Dad for now.
Good luck to you.

BrucieTheShark Mon 29-Feb-16 10:41:38

Make sure you have the kids' passports and he doesn't.

Apart from that, it's good riddance I would say. Lean on your sister, she sounds great.

deathlyhallows1 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:41:45

Let him go you deserved better and so do your dcs. Change your locks and never let him back in your life. X

gamerchick Mon 29-Feb-16 10:46:29

Yes secure the kids passports. If this is just another attention seeking packing and it doesn't have an affect then he might ramp it up.

One step at a time.

BingoBonkers Mon 29-Feb-16 10:46:55

Let him go. Don't stop him. Once he has gone contact WA for advice. You definitely don't want him coming back.

Standingonmytippytoes Mon 29-Feb-16 10:50:45

Make sure he doesn't clear out your bank account.

GrandHighWitchy Mon 29-Feb-16 10:57:21

Thanks for the support. I need to hear things like this so I don't fall back into talking to him and asking him to stay.

I don't know where kids passports are as we recently moved house, I need to find them. I don't think he'd even dream of taking them with him as its too much hard work. He's such a selfish man and his children would just get in his way.

I want to just see if he goes through with it this time. He comes home from work late. If he doesn't, I'll make him leave.

GrandHighWitchy Mon 29-Feb-16 10:58:31

I've transferred all the money save £100 into my own account. He has no access to my bank account.

AnyFucker Mon 29-Feb-16 11:00:54

Best all round if he goes

I bet he doesn't though

GrandHighWitchy Mon 29-Feb-16 11:02:13

I've noticed he's been making £100 a day withdrawals from the bank account I assume for a ticket?

gamerchick this is exactly what my dsis called it. Attention seeking. He gives himself importance every time. So many times he's told me I wouldn't cope without him! Our house is so relaxed and happy when he's at work. Id

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Mon 29-Feb-16 11:06:47

You sound like such a strong lady. You don't need an idiot like that around! As others have said, find the kids passports-even if he can't be bothered to look after them I'm sure he will have Sisters and Aunts who would happily do so and it sounds like he will do anything to hurt you.
Look forward to his departure and the happy life you will have with your children smile

RebootYourEngine Mon 29-Feb-16 11:07:48

I would let him carry on behaving like an attention seeking child. Just ignore him. Show him that you arent interested.

TheJiminyConjecture Mon 29-Feb-16 11:08:57

You need to make sure that you find the passports for your children. Don't think his laziness with the children will stop him from using them to hurt you.

Let him leave but ensure that the children remain with you and their passports are with a trusted friend or your sister.

pocketsaviour Mon 29-Feb-16 11:10:30

Please have a good look for the kids passports and put them somewhere safe, perhaps with your sister.

It's not unheard of for men to leave the country, re-marry and then effectively kidnap their own DC and dump them with the new wife.

This man has been violent before - please be careful and if he becomes agressive - this includes shouting, threats, barring your way into or out of rooms, throwing objects, destroying property, punching walls etc - please call the police for help. He doesn't have to punch you for it to be domestic abuse. The police will help.

wannaBe Mon 29-Feb-16 11:13:41

Make sure you have all paperwork etc, if you can't find the passports ring the passport office and report them lost.

Then crack open the champagne.

yumyumpoppycat Mon 29-Feb-16 11:21:08

Hope he goes flowers

ImperialBlether Mon 29-Feb-16 11:21:23

Have a huge search for the children's passports and if you find them, give them to your sister to look after for now. If you can't find them, report them as stolen immediately. You might think he's too lazy to look after them but actually you don't know what he has planned. Go and look for those passports now.

Buzzardbird Mon 29-Feb-16 11:28:19

Are you in the UK OP? Do you think it is likely that he will try and take the children? If so, speak to school/nursery.

As he is violent, get those passports away from the house and any details of your bank account.

Ninjagogo Mon 29-Feb-16 11:45:45

Good for you.
I would suggest that as well as all of the passports you take your marriage certificate and the children's birth certificates as well. Inform all childcare providers that you use that husband is not to collect them. Good luck.

GrandHighWitchy Mon 29-Feb-16 13:23:39

Thank you all for replying

I've just spent the last 2 hours looking for passports. I know he has his own in his work bag. Mine and the kids were in a separate little case and I can't find it anywhere. I've checked all the unpacked boxes. I think he's already got them with him in his work bag. He's also got their identity cards and my identity card.

I opened his suitcases and found all this paperwork in 2 big folders. Birth certificates and copies, marriage certificate and copies, his visa forms for this country and loads of my old bank statements and old work contracts and bills. I've taken them all out and hidden them.

When he comes home tonight I'll check his work bag for the passports. If they're not there then I'll report them lost.

AnyFucker Mon 29-Feb-16 13:30:06

Erk. He is planning to take your children out of the country. You seem to be under reacting a tad.

AnyFucker Mon 29-Feb-16 13:30:34

who is pickig the kids up aftwr school ?

CooPie10 Mon 29-Feb-16 13:32:39

Op this is very worrying . He seems to be planning to take off with them even if you don't think so. Can you go over to your sisters or her come to you till he leaves? He might get nasty as he has previously been before. If he goes back to his home country he might have people there who will look after the kids so even if you think he won't, he might still take them.

Marchate Mon 29-Feb-16 13:34:21

Yes report them lost/stolen. Tell the passport office that you have concerns for your children's safety

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