Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husband constantly looks at other women

(17 Posts)
April10101 Sun 28-Feb-16 22:26:29

As the title says whenever I'm out with H he's constantly looking at OW he tries to do it slyly it's like he can't help himself! If I say anything he goes mad and just stares at the floor! I feel like I can't go out with him as im so fucking nervous and feel really insecure about it sad

MoominPie22 Sun 28-Feb-16 22:31:44

So disrespectful and I too would be fuming! Aside from explaining how it makes you feel, calmy, not in an argumentative way, I don´t really know what else you can do tho. And even if he did reign it in when with you, you can bet he´ll be doing it even more so when you´re not around.

I´d be livid but I´ve no advice other than to talk with him. If he doesn´t take on board your feelings then he´s a bloody wanker isn´t he? He can totally control what he´s doing and how he´s acting. Heś just choosing not to. angry

SongBird16 Sun 28-Feb-16 22:35:03

Well, if he's being so indiscreet about checking them out that it's noticeable to you, I would say that's very disrespectful to you and I guess you have two choices if he's unwilling to change.

Having said that, I do have a friend who's super-vigilant and sensitive about this and I feel that her DH can't look at a woman, even in a perfectly normal way, without her going mad at him.

So I guess it's hard to call without seeing him in action as it were, although you're absolutely allowed to call it a day, no matter what, if it bothers you.

YouCantCallMeBetty Sun 28-Feb-16 22:48:23

Oh I feel your pain April, my DH can be a bit of a one for this, although does go through phases when he does it more. We went to some hot springs while on holiday this year and he couldn't stop looking at a girl who was also there (to be honest she was pretty hot, I had to try hard not to look too much!). I sometimes tease him about it to try to bring it to his attention rather than having a go, I do think sometimes he doesn't realise how long he's been looking for.

Sometimes it really upsets me but that seems to depend on how things are between us. If all good, lots of sex being had, he's telling me he fancies me etc then I'm less bothered than if we've fallen out/haven't had sex for a while as I think it means he's looking around for someone new. Then I have a word with myself and try to remember that it's human to do it - I do appreciate a nice looking man - but also just give him a quick nudge if he's being too obvious so that he doesn't look an idiot and the woman doesn't feel uncomfortable.

I try not to take it personally as I think mostly it isn't that, it's just DH forgetting his manners.

Pp are right though that you don't have to put up with it. If it's part of a wider pattern of behaviours where your H does stuff that leads you to feel insecure, disrespected etc then you're completely right to raise it.

SleepyRoo Mon 29-Feb-16 00:19:43

Just from the other side of the picture , I always used to find it (past tense - too old for it to happen now!) beyond skin-crawly to get eyeballed by a bloke who is obviously out with his wife. Grim.

LovePGtipsMonkey Mon 29-Feb-16 00:23:22

I really don't understand why it would be better if he did it 'discreetly' - surely it's the fact he wants to do it, not how well he hides it!
Yes, it's impossible to never look at anyone good-looking ever again, but i mean if he does it obsessively/daily, then it's no better at all if he is good at hiding it.

HappenstanceMarmite Mon 29-Feb-16 00:44:02

I try not to take it personally as I think mostly it isn't that, it's just DH forgetting his manners.

Sure it is. hmm

Why do you stay with a lecherous old sod? You deserve better.

Slowdecrease Mon 29-Feb-16 08:01:15

My rule of thumb is this: if a super hot women walks down the street that even I turn my head and look at then I can't expect my partner not to be Human and do the same. but it's a quick glance - a reflex natural reaction to a shiny thing if you like, no more.

Slowdecrease Mon 29-Feb-16 08:01:48

I am straight with a male partner I should add !!

MandMand Mon 29-Feb-16 08:09:58

I would be tempted to start giving him a taste of his own medicine, and start obviously checking out all the handsome fit Younger men you see while you're out with him. How do you think he would react if you did?

pictish Mon 29-Feb-16 08:15:39

Depends how he's looking really. If it's a quick glance then fine...all normal. If he's 'drinking it all in' or being letchy then that's problematic.

You can't expect him to never look at or notice other women. You can expect him to behave respectfully about it.

stargirl04 Wed 02-Mar-16 12:20:46

I did what MandMand suggests in a former relationship almost 20 years ago and he did not like it one little bit!

I carried on doing it, too, and felt less resentful as a result.

My lecherous ex ended up having an affair with an OW. I chucked him - best decision ever. I'd never want to be in this situation again - it is horrible.

Having said that I have a couple of married pals who've been together for ever and they both used to check people out and laugh about it together! The DH would never cheat - not sure about the wife though!

Sending you hugs (((((( ))))))

0dfod Wed 02-Mar-16 13:12:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Getit Wed 02-Mar-16 13:19:47

I hate that men do this
Its disrespectful
It merely reinforces my theory that all men would shag someone else given the opportunity

0dfod Wed 02-Mar-16 13:24:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timelytess Wed 02-Mar-16 13:29:44

My experience is that all men look at women constantly. Sorry. They just do. Was out with my teenage daughter one day and counted the men who looked at her. I became less shy about it and counted openly, aloud. Around 10.30 am number 648 laughed when he heard me. He knew that all men look at women (including and especially but not exclusively young ones) too.

Summerlovinf Wed 02-Mar-16 13:42:53

It's the going mad part that would concern me...he looks at other women but you get it in the neck for noticing...what is he doing to reassure you or to help you feel valued?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now