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Are there couples who really never argue?

(62 Posts)
thefourgp Sun 28-Feb-16 19:18:42

I've been with my husband for ten years. We bicker a bit and have the odd argument every so often but on the whole I'd say we're content and happy together. I was talking to a friend about a night I'd recently spent watching tv and chatting away with my husband where we just laughed and laughed together all night. I thought it's great we can still do that after being together for a long time. My friend who's been with her husband for three years says they spend every night laughing like that together. She's also mentioned that they never argue which I'm not sure I believe. I can't think of any other couple I know who doesn't argue. At the end of the day my friend's happy, her husband is a lovely guy and I think they make a good couple so it's her business and not mine. I was just wondering if there really are couples who never argue? Is it because one person always backs down? Surely you can't agree with every single thing your husband or wife says/does? Thoughts? Xx

HairySubject Sun 28-Feb-16 19:20:41

My brother and his girlfriend have never had an argument in 8 years though they have recently bought their first home after living with her parents so that could change.

SevenSeconds Sun 28-Feb-16 19:22:44

I do think some couples never (or very very rarely argue), if they are both non confrontational types and good at communicating. I think the bit about laughing together every night sounds more unusual actually! And a bit of an odd reaction of hers to what you had said - seems a bit smug / bragging?

60sname Sun 28-Feb-16 19:22:44

We never argue (together for six years) - maybe a sharp tone every so often, but we currently have a five month-old!

We are well-matched but it helps that DH is exceptionally laid back. I have to be careful not to take advantage of his good nature.

Katenka Sun 28-Feb-16 19:22:48

Me and dh have argued in the past, a lot. We even split up for 6 months.

But we don't argue anymore. We don't always agree but as we have got older we have got calmer and discuss what the problem is. Not full on arguing.

It may depend on people's view of arguing.

Mum would say her and dad never do. I would say they always do. Very loud and snappy at each other. They say it's just how they talk.

inlectorecumbit Sun 28-Feb-16 19:23:09

I am married 31 years and DH and l rarely argue, we can have a difference of opinion but no real arguments for years.

BloodyPlantagenets Sun 28-Feb-16 19:23:14

We don't argue. Together for nine years, married for five. We get grumpy, sure, but it's never escalated into an argument, we're just not like that with each other.

My first marriage we argued every day and it was awful, so I do make a conscious effort not to row with DH. That doesn't mean either of us are a pushover, we just genuinely get in and rarely disagree.

MsMermaid Sun 28-Feb-16 19:24:27

We have little bickering things, but they are done in jest rather than properly annoying each other.

We've been together 10 years and I can count on one hand the number of times we've had an actual argument. All of those times have been about big things at times of great stress, and one or both of us has apologised in full within a day or so. I would count us as a couple who don't argue.

Pinkheart5915 Sun 28-Feb-16 19:25:38

Me and my hubby do sometimes disagree on things ( can't agree on everything) but we don't argue, we've never had a shouty fight.
My hubby does enough arguing in court for his clients so won't argue any way.

DramaAlpaca Sun 28-Feb-16 19:29:50

We've been together 28 years and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we've had an argument. Neither of us are confrontational and he's particularly laid back, which helps. We regularly have minor differences of opinion but we talk things out and work out a compromise. I think we are just well suited really.

blibblibs Sun 28-Feb-16 19:29:59

DH and I don't argue, never have really, but we don't laugh every night either.

Kez100 Sun 28-Feb-16 19:30:06

No, 24 years and never argue. I've started to bicker a bit during the menopause but he takes it and seems to understand. Its personality type though. You couldn't hide a flary temper for a quarter century!

Allyoucaneat Sun 28-Feb-16 19:30:55

I had never argued with dp, together for 8yrs, until ds2 came along, non sleeper put a lot of stress on us and now we bicker often. Before that we just coasted along quite happy with nothing particularly to argue about.

0verNow Sun 28-Feb-16 19:31:44

STBXH never argued - but that was because I'm non-confrontational by nature and upbringing, and he very quickly cowed me into subsuming all of my needs and wants into his.

In our case it was deeply unhealthy, and was part of a pattern of emotional abuse (by him).

KittyandTeal Sun 28-Feb-16 19:33:56

10 years and DH and I can count our arguments on one hand and still be left with fingers.

I hate arguments, they make me very nervous after a couple of violent and abusive relationships in my teens and early 20s. DH is very, very laid back and very thoughtful so I never really have anything to argue with him about. I'm forever talking and telling him how I feel so he never has to second guess.

That's not to say we don't get angry, we both rant and bitch about works etc. DH had a shit fit yesterday as he's fed up with being ill. It makes me nervous when he gets cross but I've learnt to understand that he's not angry at me and by no means takes it out on me (it's usually a very loud 'ffs I'm ducking sick of being fucking ill, Urgh' kind of thing.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Sun 28-Feb-16 19:47:25

It depends on your interpretation of 'arguing'.

A discussion over personal beliefs/politics/sport/ethics/etc can get very heated but I'd never call this an argument, to me that's a debate or discussion.

A few snappy exchanges by a tired couple about every day things like housework children etc I'd call a bicker.

Swearing and raised voices or shouting I'd call an argument.

Given my classification we hardly ever argue - 3 times in 5 years maybe?
DH thinks any cross word or frustrated disagreement is an argument and often apologises for arguing when I don't think we have We never argue about whether we've had an argument oh no not us grin

Artandco Sun 28-Feb-16 19:52:58

We have never had an argument in 10 years. Both would just discuss any issues and talk about it. Both fairly quiet people in general

RingUpRingRingDown Sun 28-Feb-16 19:56:13

We don't argue.

Dh snaps and I seethe inside and then go and let off steam elsewhere. I don't do confrontation.

thefourgp Sun 28-Feb-16 20:04:30

Katenka I think you're right that it depends on one's view of arguing. Her ex told me they argued all the time and she didn't think it was excessive whilst he did.
Allyouvaneat I agree that we argue more than we did before we had children. My friend doesn't have children so I think there's less stress there.
Sevenseconds I'm sure personality types will be a big part of it. If some argue every day then some must never. I don't think my friend's husband would shout at someone if they set him on fire. Lol. I don't think she was being purposely smug, she just seems to want others to think her relationship is perfect. Maybe because she felt so humiliated when her ex finished their relationship.

SnuffleGruntSnorter Sun 28-Feb-16 20:06:35

We very rarely argue. Communication is generally good, we generally agree on important issues. If one of us if feeling stressed/grumpy we tend to warn the other.

DoreenLethal Sun 28-Feb-16 20:09:27

We never argue but it's not because one of us has cowed the other into submission - it's because we are adults and have lives and interests outside each other. The level of our argument is 'Don't leave that there because of X', 'I wasn't intending to, now go put the kettle on daft lad'.

DaggerEyes Sun 28-Feb-16 20:11:04

Omg! Me and my dh argue pretty much daily. Nothing big, and 99% of the time they end up in childish imitations of each other and we are laughing again. But, to never argue, seems a bit lacking in passion tbh.

Artandco Sun 28-Feb-16 20:18:09

How can a couple not be passionate but not arguing?

Personally I wouldn't want passion with someone who can't just talk to me without moaning and arguing daily

Quietwhenreading Sun 28-Feb-16 20:18:25

A close friend never argues with her DH but on close observation it's because they don't actually communicate that well.

For example they never argue about the children's upbringing because she doesn't consider him entitled to input to any of those decisions. They never argue about money because as far as he is concerned those decisions are solely his so it's never discussed. They also often hedge round about each other on difficult issues with one or other backing down for an easy life.

The thing is that they are both pretty confrontationalwith other people so I worry that eventually they'll have an actual argument and every resentment from the last 20 years will be dragged out.

However it hasn't happened yet and they'd say they were very happy together so hopefully I'm wrong.

RedMapleLeaf Sun 28-Feb-16 20:40:12

I'm similar to kitty in that I really, really don't like fights - raised voices, unkind words, strong language etc. So, in previous relationships we've disagreed, we've been irritated and disappointed etc but it's all been dealth with in a calm and compromising way.
In the same way that some couples don't get this, I don't get how you can be unkind to someone you love.

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