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Stuck with the bastard

(14 Posts)
ElasticPants Sun 28-Feb-16 16:41:58

I've been miserable with dh for a long time. We barely talk, he is no help with the DC or anything at home. I would take DC and leave tomorrow if I could.

Logistically that would be impossible. I am a SAHM, have no savings and no family to take us in. Dh leaving would not happen. The house is in his name, he pays all the bills, and seems almost content that I have no option. We live in a ridiculously expensive area, so I would be looking at relocating 3dc away from their lives.

Today has been a bad day. I've been wondering if DC, me and the dog could live in a caravan.

Solo Sun 28-Feb-16 16:49:27

Would you all be happy living in a caravan? I know that when I was in a seriously abusive relationship, a shed would have done ~ but I didn't have kids then. How old are yours? Would they be happy to leave? Lifestyle is nothing if you are unhappy.

SongBird16 Sun 28-Feb-16 16:50:06

It doesn't matter that the house is in his name, it is a marital asset.

There's always a way out if you really want it, although it may involve sharing the home until everything is legally divided.

Personally I would rather live in a tiny house and be free of a miserable existence.

A good start would be some decent legal advice, some companies offer a 30min consultation without charge.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 28-Feb-16 16:51:15

Speak to a solicitor find out what you would get in the event of a divorce.

Speak to cab find out what benefits you'd get.

Think about what you'd get through CSA.

gingerboy1912 Sun 28-Feb-16 16:57:01

Take legal advice. Visit Cab or find a solicitor that gives a 30 minute free session. You don't need to stick in an unhappy relationship forever just because your name isn't on the deeds. thanks

balia Sun 28-Feb-16 17:18:57

Make a plan. Even really small steps towards leaving can make you feel better and give you a focus. Getting legal advice, obviously, but also looking into the job market - even in a small way, maybe looking to build up some savings. Do some internet research.

Joysmum Sun 28-Feb-16 17:31:10

You're not the first SAHM with no family or savings and a wish to exit her marriage. Others in this situation leave and start again, it's up to you if you want to be one of them.

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius Sun 28-Feb-16 20:09:07

We live in a caravan because we are building a house. We have been in it an embarrassing amount of time but we love it! I don't think it's a crazy idea. It would be a stop gap while the house is sold and you get 50% to start again and it would be worth it to see his face when you leave! Get as big a one as you can afford. Ours has a wet central heating system and is just flippin lovely. Lots of fairy lights and homely touches. It is not forever but a first step on a path. see it as that and you would be fine I am sure.

Themodernuriahheep Sun 28-Feb-16 21:58:04

Start a running away fund. You will feel better .

Go to the places others have advised. Start taking copies of key documents and give them to a safe person.

Slowly you will be able to work out what you can actually do to get free.

Fidelia Mon 29-Feb-16 06:06:47

I thought that I was stuck with my cheating Ex, I was a SAHM in an expoensive area too. Actually, with benefits things were very tight but we managed. Now the dcs area at school and I have a part time job and we're doing well.

If you're married, you can do something with land registry to register an interest against the house. And it doesn't matter that it's in his name, it's part of the marital pot. He'll also have to pay child maintenance to you...you can use the online calculator to see how much you'd get. And if he's a high earner you can apply for interim financial support through the courts to tide you over until the finances have been agreed.

You can use joint funds/credit card to pay a retainer with a solicitor.

Solo Mon 29-Feb-16 23:39:13

Are you okay today OP? thanks

ElasticPants Tue 01-Mar-16 19:38:34

I'm fine thanks. During the week it's not too bad, he's a workaholic, at the office from 6am and goes for drinks after work and won't get in until 10pm. I won't really have to see him until Saturday.

DC are 10,7 and 2. They would be heartbroken at having to move away. I feel guilty as im only still here because of dhs money.

Solo Wed 02-Mar-16 00:11:27

Money isn't everything, but peace of mind is worth a fortune.

Jan45 Wed 02-Mar-16 10:58:17

What a horrible way to live, stuck with the bastard and only there because of his money - you do know you can have a life you choose, make your own money, happiness - you are not stuck with anyone, you are choosing to stay.

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