Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To walk or not to walk... That is the question

(13 Posts)
Zazzle90 Sat 27-Feb-16 23:35:08

Right long story short I've been with someone for approximately 18 months but last October we had a big fight about our future (he's going through a divorce but still living at home on good terms with his ex/wife which approx 75 miles away from me) as I feel like he was pushing me away, I've been treated badly in the past and I am ashamed to say I presumed he was doing he same to me.
We had a heart to heart agreed to try and date/ see each other again after I apologised for some of the things I said and he done the same. I asked him about 2 months ago what is going on between us as he was moving out in September (the reason for the fight) and he said he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me, I asked him why and he said we will talk soon. 2 months on and still no sign of a talk happening!
He acts like my boyfriend and it's not about sex as that's diminished lately compared to our usual sex life (due to our jobs we work till very late) but the intimacy such as kissing and cuddling is still very much there. I'm confused by his actions and words as they are very different.

There is also a 15year age gap I'm 25 and he's nearly 40 which doesn't bother me as I'm a believer in looks fade personality doesn't. What I want to know is am I wasting my time holding out for him, should I move on and take this as a lesson. I sound selfish I know but I'm not that old. My friends love him but say walk away as I've got years ahead of me but he's my best friend and its not like I can cut him out of my life as we work together too sad

Zazzle90 Sat 27-Feb-16 23:35:52

sad

TokenGinger Sat 27-Feb-16 23:45:54

Walk away. Believe what he's saying. He doesn't want a relationship with you.

He's happy having sex with a young girl every time he's in town.

He probably hasn't even separated from his wife and is just having an affair with you.

You have years ahead of you. A divorced man of 40 is unlikely to want marriage and kids again soon, so if you want those things in your future, don't waste the best and most fertile years of your life on him.

Zazzle90 Sat 27-Feb-16 23:49:29

Neither of us want to be married or anymore kids.
I've seen the divorce papers so I'm pretty sure it's not an affair as they were separating about 10months before we even got together.

But I think you're right, I just needed an outside opinion

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 27-Feb-16 23:52:50

"he said he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me"

As soon as those words were out of his mouth he should have been an ex.

He's just wasting your time. You're either his bit on the side or you're a stop-gap until something better comes along.

Find some pride and dump him before he breaks your heart by dumping you.

Zazzle90 Sun 28-Feb-16 00:03:14

I thought he was just seriously pissed off at me for what I said to him. But that's a fair point, time to take off rose tinted glasses I guess

TokenGinger Sun 28-Feb-16 00:04:50

You deserve more than somebody who doesn't want to be I a relationship with you flowers

Zazzle90 Sun 28-Feb-16 00:08:12

I just hope we don't lose our friendship as I've been friends with him for a good few years but I will speak to him when I next see him. Thanks for your advice smile

TheNaze73 Sun 28-Feb-16 01:28:08

The mere fact, he's thinking it would be enough for me. Bin him off, you're worth more than that

Creampastry Sun 28-Feb-16 06:51:14

Walk away, reclaim your life. Be happy.

ALaughAMinute Sun 28-Feb-16 07:16:56

Why do you want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with you?

You deserve better than this, you really do.

Get rid!

Marilynsbigsister Sun 28-Feb-16 09:38:54

OP. Be logical and take off the rose tinted spectacles. Why would a man who is happily separated and in love with you, not be sure if he wants a relationship? There are sadly only two possible reasons... 1. He is not happily separated. (You may well have seen divorce papers but the reality of divorce may well of lead him/his wife to reassess their relationship) 2. He doesn't love you ( or certainly not to leave his family for) Men who find themselves in the throes of 'true love' (be it real or imagined) will walk over hot coals to be with you. They will leave pregnant wives, handfuls of sobbing children, without a backwards glance. Your bf didn't even have the subterfuge of an affair to hamper his leaving as you say it isn't an affair.

You really don't need this drama. You are 25, the world is your lobster smile Get back in the saddle and find someone without these unnecessary complications. Someone who loves you doesn't even have to think about being with you.

Zazzle90 Sun 28-Feb-16 19:59:09

Well I told him and it doesn't seem to be that much of a big deal
Guess that shows how much he thought of me all along

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now