I know the fog that you're currently living in. You say after he arrived home yesterday he was happy, funny and fun to be with. Of course he was, even abusive controls freaks are nice some of the time, otherwise how would they ever meet anybody and reel them in ? And sometimes they are happy, when their partner is compliant, doing as they wish and living by their rules.
Your telephone conversation with your male colleague, with your OH sitting next to you, reminded me of an incident from my past.
On arriving home I picked up a piece of post from my ex, and read it out, from start to finish, to my then partner. I was desperate to go to the bathroom so just ran upstairs with all my post, including the ex's letter (just a how are you, am having a party, feel free to bring your new partner - admittedly a bit odd). He later gave me the cold shoulder all night at my friend's house, it was so awkward and embarrassing. He eventually deigned to tell me he didn't like the fact I'd gone off in secret to read my ex's letter !!
My behaviour had been completely rational and normal, as was yours in chatting to a male colleague. It is their behaviour that is so off the scale that you begin to question yourself. You know what's right and wrong, you know what you believe, but if somebody chips away at you for long enough you eventually crack. My ex had a problem with all my friends and family, and of course it became easier not to see people if he was going to be difficult before, during or after.
These people mess with your head so badly because often they are charming, particularly to their work colleagues, neighbours, and others they choose to act that way towards. No doubt you feel he really loves you, so you are totally confused as to why he says/does these things ?
It's because he chooses to, and that's the killer realisation. He's not helpless, confused, or reacting to your constant failures and bad behaviour. Does he tell his friends they're a "fat fuck", has he smashed the possessions of any of his friends or family ? Does he rage at his boss or work colleagues, and only have male friends to stop you being jealous of his female ones ? Of course not.
He's a selfish, insecure, cruel bully. 15 years down the line you feel guilty even raising concerns about him with a group of strangers ? He's done a very good job. But not good enough because you can't accept or forget the vile insults and behaviour he's subjected you to. That's the bit of you that's still hanging on in there. Please please consider what it means for you and your child if you stay much longer so that even that part of you is destroyed.