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Would you think it’s ok to share hotel room with married male friend/acquaintance???

(54 Posts)
solosimone Sat 27-Feb-16 17:22:07

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, will try to keep it short but have just had a row with a friend and don't know who is right.

We both volunteer for an organisation and went out on an unofficial ‘team bonding’ meal and drinks thing last night. We live in the sticks and the night out was in a city 45 minutes away, friend offered me a lift but then ended up going off with her boyfriend in the early hours and saying she’d give me a lift home in the morning so I was stuck there. One of the guys we were with (from same organisation but different branch) said that he was staying in a hotel and had a family room so offered me the spare bed but I said no and ended up having to spend £80 on a taxi home.

Now i’ve spoken to my friend and she doesn’t get why i’m annoyed with her, said I had the offer of somewhere to stay and was stupid not to accept it. I said I didn’t think most people would have accepted, this guy has always seemed nice and it seemed an innocent invitation but we’d been drinking and I don’t know him well enough to be sure and didn’t want to put myself in that situation. I’m single but he is married so didn’t think he should really be offering anyway.

Friend says i’m being stupid and that it would have been fine. What would you think? Would you be ok with it if it was your husband?

Joysmum Sat 27-Feb-16 17:23:46

No no no no!

MissBattleaxe Sat 27-Feb-16 17:24:40

No, she is calling you stupid because she's in the wrong and trying to put the blame on you. She shouldn't have left you. Sharing a room is very intimate and regardless of whether anything would have happened, it's uncomfortable if you don't know the person.

Your friend is wrong and she should have stuck with you, not left you to it 45 minutes from home.

Haworthiia Sat 27-Feb-16 17:26:28


If it was one of a few couples we are old mates with and there was no other alternative ( broken down/snowed in etc) then ok.
But not a work colleague no. You've no idea what their true motivation is, drink is involved and you're unable to get away. Recipe for disaster. You did the right thing.

OhShutUpThomas Sat 27-Feb-16 17:26:52


I have really good male friends who I've know since we were children. We are since mostly married and our partners are all friends.

I'd still never do this. It's totally inappropriate.

gleekster Sat 27-Feb-16 17:27:36

Christ with friends like that who needs enemies? No - you were left high and dry by her. You were quite right not to share the hotel room.

Costacoffeeplease Sat 27-Feb-16 17:28:49

No - but then I wouldn't share with a woman either - I don't share with anyone except my husband

petalsandstars Sat 27-Feb-16 17:34:00

The partner/husband of my very best friends yes - in separate beds. (But I trust them implicitly and know them well) anyone else - no.

SaltySeaBird Sat 27-Feb-16 17:38:04

Not unreasonable to be annoyed or to have declined the room share.

However I have done it, married a long time, ended up sharing with male colleague who has also been married a long time. Totally innocent, called DH to let him know issue with trains meant I couldn't get home and was sharing with said male friend, he was 100% fine about it. We trust each other and was really a non issue, he was glad I was safe and had somewhere to sleep.

Some posters seem a bit suspicious and untrusting!

KP86 Sat 27-Feb-16 17:40:41

I would, but only if I knew him from the office - ie. not a colleague of a colleague type thing.

But as PP said, DH and I trust each other. I know nothing would happen!

LaurieFairyCake Sat 27-Feb-16 17:40:52

Nope. Since I've been on mumsnet I've read at least 5 threads of women waking up to their partner raping, videoing, photographing or jerking off over them.

So not in a million years.

Buzzardbird Sat 27-Feb-16 17:41:43

Well no, and the man was probably praying you would refuse and only offered because he felt he should.

Couldn't you have got a room for less than £80 though? Not that that is the point, your friend was bang out of order.

Hassled Sat 27-Feb-16 17:43:44

You'd have been nuts to stay in a hotel room with a random bloke you only vaguely know. Your friend hasn't been much of a friend.

MissBattleaxe Sat 27-Feb-16 17:43:58

Salty- it's not about sex, it's more about feeling uncomfortable about sharing with a virtual stranger. The OP's friend put her in an uncomfortable position and doesn't even feel sorry.

DrSeussRevived Sat 27-Feb-16 17:47:46

She shouldn't have left you in that position before she checked you were happy with it. That's the bottom line.

Separately, whether I would share a family room with a married male colleague - probably not, because I snore and wouldn't want a work colleague to know that! Leave aside any other considerations.

DrSeussRevived Sat 27-Feb-16 17:49:05

I would expect most people to feel the same about their colleagues TBH, unless they were separately friends outside of work.

clarrylove Sat 27-Feb-16 17:53:21

Your friend has behaved very badly. She has put both you and your colleague in a difficult situation and on the spot.

Creatureofthenight Sat 27-Feb-16 17:57:04

If it was a male friend, I probably would have stayed, but it sounds like maybe you don't know this guy very well - I would feel uncomfortable sharing a room with anyone I don't know, male or female.

P1nkP0ppy Sat 27-Feb-16 17:58:21

Nope, never, no.

Quietwhenreading Sat 27-Feb-16 18:07:40

No in a million years.

And it is nothing to do with either myself or my husband being "suspicious and untrusting".

It would be deeply inappropriate.

You did the right thing. Dump the friend.

thecatfromjapan Sat 27-Feb-16 18:09:43

No. Can't imagine how awkward it would be, socially. And that's before factoring in the whole issue of how well do you ever really know people ...

I'm pretty sure your male colleague was relieved you declined, too.

Your friend is a bit rubbish.

pinkcan Sat 27-Feb-16 18:12:30

No. Unacceptable. Your friend is a flaky twat.

solosimone Sat 27-Feb-16 18:20:39

Thanks everyone, glad you don't think i'm being unreasonable.

He actually kept offering a few times after I'd said no and seemed a bit disappointed rather than relieved which just reinforced my decision.

Just thought it would be awkward even if it was innocent and also didn't want gossip or for him to have put himself in a difficult position of telling his wife.

DrSeussRevived Sat 27-Feb-16 18:29:42

Oh, that's not so good! Glad you got home safe.

Branleuse Sat 27-Feb-16 18:30:50

no I wouldnt. I might if it was a good friend, but even then id be wary of how it looked to his partner, even if I trusted the guy

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