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(12 Posts)
PrincessLeia80 Fri 26-Feb-16 22:49:37

I came across a thong hidden away with DH's things tonight, he confessed it was his and enjoyed wearing lingerie and women's clothing. Really not sure what to think he says he's not gay and only wants to wear it for sexual kicks! He insists he's only interested in me. Does anyone deal with this in their relationship is it the beginning of a slippery slope or just another kink?

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 26-Feb-16 22:54:37

Lots of people deal with this. Feel free to react however you want: your feelings are valid.

You may not be bothered. You may actively support him. You may feel that he has been lying to you all these years by keeping this secret from you and lose your trust in him. None of these reactions are wrong: how you feel is how you feel.

ALaughAMinute Fri 26-Feb-16 23:10:18

I would wonder what kind of sexual kicks he is getting. How do you know it's his thong?

PrincessLeia80 Fri 26-Feb-16 23:20:54

I'm sure it's his I trust him fully and also dont feel he's lied to me I just don't know how I feel or think about the whole thing! I want to be supportive and be a part of his kink but at the same time I'm freaked out by it.

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 26-Feb-16 23:29:04

There are online forums for women precisely in your situation and mindframe. Don't know them myself but Google can help you.

rachelmonday1 Tue 08-Mar-16 11:23:29

It's far more common than many women think and need not be anything to worry about. As a crossdresser myself, I can assure you that the vast majority of us are very happy with our male lives, are part of loving families and are neither effeminate or gay. We are simply attracted to the vast array of gorgeous clothes that you girls take for granted, or these prefer not to wear!

DharmaLlama Tue 08-Mar-16 12:27:00

and need not be anything to worry about
That's more than a little patronising and lacking in understanding.

If I found out my partner was cross dressing and had been hiding it from me, I wouldn't be 'worried' about the things you list in your 'I can assure you ... ' I'd be sexually repulsed and I'd be furious about the lying and deception, and my lack of consent!

deste Tue 08-Mar-16 13:03:46

I would think, now you know about that, he will start pushing boundaries and then I think you will be able to decide if you can handle it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amberlight Tue 08-Mar-16 14:55:41

Some 10% of people cross-dress to a greater or lesser extent at some point in their lives. It's surprisingly common. Many don't say, because they are worried sick about being treated very harshly/losing their partner over it. It's not usually related to sexual attraction to the same sex. Nor does it mean that it's any sort of 'slippery slope', necessarily. Very few people are 100% female/100% male in their expression of themselves. Might be worth googling Genderbread 3 for a good work-safe diagram of how much variety there is in gender, and on how many scales.
Good advice about getting support from online communities for the other halves of those who cross-dress, and then having a heart-to-heart chat about it all.
Perhaps the unfair thing is that many women are able to dress as men without many people batting a proverbial eyelid. Much much harder for men to dress in anything less than very male ways.

Mag314s Tue 08-Mar-16 14:56:58

Massive turn off for me.

You could both talk about it all year long but for me, if it were my partner, I'd go off him sexually.

Is this thread real, or is it a straw poll?

DharmaLlama Tue 08-Mar-16 15:13:12

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe I would feel like my consent had been violated had I agreed to a relationship with someone when they were hiding something from me that was likely to affect or change it. However, that's just how I would feel, and the point I was trying to make wasn't about that (which was simply an illustration), or about how anyone else should/would feel. I was trying to point out that women have their own individual thoughts and reactions and concerns and it's patronising to say "Now, now, this is nothing to worry about because it doesn't mean he's going to leave you."

OP, it's totally OK for you to not know how you feel, and be freaking out, and however you work out YOU feel about it is OK.

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