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What to do

(16 Posts)
fedupwife123 Fri 26-Feb-16 19:56:28

Ok so...I've been married for nearly 5years, meet my husband when I was 17 (10yrs ago).
We have 2 children together, 3.5yr old and 1yr old.

I am struggling to know whether I should stay with my husband or not. Nothing inparticular has happened, I am just totally and utterly fed of up of how he treats me and sometimes the children. He is work obsessed, can't really be bothered to do anything for the family, constantly on his phone, never helps with children.

He shouts at me regularly, talks to me like I'm abit of dirt. Makes me cry regularly (so much so my son now says 'why does daddy make mummy cry?')
He picks the children up from childcare twice a week but does nothing with them, I still have to come home from work and do all the chores, he normally just lefts kids sleep and then they don't go to bed in the evening (something I have to do on my own)

He has a power over me, if i go out with friends (and children) he texts me asking when I'll be home, and if I'm late I dread going home as he will be angry. I've always got to be home why he gets home from work.

I have to ask him to watch children while I do a bit of housework, he constantly moans, or leaves children to cry, and only gives me about 30mins.

He doesn't know anything about our money (I deal with everything) but has the cheek to want to know where money has gone (mostly on bills) sometimes wants to check bank statements to check where i have been.

Also moans that I don't earn enough. I have a decent job but only work part time due to wanting to spend time with our children - he wouldn't want them in childcare all the time.

He never wants to do family activities like helping children ride bikes, paint, play in garden, go to park etc... I love this but he won't do it and I think children are missing out.

He smokes, he goes outside to do this but each time he has a cig he is on the phone to someone for about 20mins( normally his boss).

Also checking his phone, even at the dinner table.
When I ask him why he is always on phone he just tells me to shut up.

There is more and more but can't think right now. I sometimes think life would be so much easier just me and the kids.

Advice please!!!

Marchate Fri 26-Feb-16 20:05:32

You do realise you are being abused? Badly

BolshierAryaStark Fri 26-Feb-16 20:09:13

What to do? This one is really simple-LTB.

Robotgirl Fri 26-Feb-16 20:09:26

He sounds like an abuser.

Sorry you have to tolerate all this.

What do you think you are going to do?

fedupwife123 Fri 26-Feb-16 20:41:32

I don't no... I'm scared of being on my own and people thinking I'm a failure. I'm scared my children will want to stay with him. I dont no what to do.

Marchate Fri 26-Feb-16 20:45:36

He is the failure. He has failed you and your children

fedupwife123 Fri 26-Feb-16 20:50:26

We do have some lovely times but the rubbish times are really outweighing the good times now.

I wouldn't even no where to start about leaving him. He would probably just talk me into staying.
I would want to stay in the house (rented) so would need him to go.

Believeitornot Fri 26-Feb-16 20:50:55

Why are you the failure when he is the one who has failed to treat you with respect....?

Marchate Fri 26-Feb-16 20:54:04

As soon as you get some privacy, phone Women's Aid. Describe what is happening - even read out your post if you're not sure what to say - and they will advise you

Robotgirl Fri 26-Feb-16 21:32:32

Does he use any substances, OP? Legal or illegal?

fedupwife123 Sat 27-Feb-16 01:41:40

No ...which is good!

Lovemygirls2015 Sat 27-Feb-16 03:19:57

So you are his nanny, housekeeper, cleaner. Is there ever a time where you are his wife? Sounds like he's a spoiled child and throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his own way.

You deserve so much more. You are a mother and a wife and above all else a human being that deserves respect and recognition for everything you do.

fedupwife123 Sat 27-Feb-16 07:26:07

Indeed. He was very spoilt as a child, his mum does the same to out children now.
He never appreciates anything I do, I lost my mum 2 years ago and my dad is in a bad way (not coping very well) so I have so much to deal with, with no help.
Even a friend at work has told me that I put up and do to much.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Sat 27-Feb-16 07:28:12

He's very controlling isn't he? He won't get better. Much better to leave when your children are so young than to drag it out until they are old enough to be more aware and upset.

Mrskeats Sat 27-Feb-16 11:07:48

Leave him. Life should be better than this. You haven't failed; he has as a father and a husband whereas you sound as if you are just doing your best.
The kids belong with their mother and you will get maintainence and maybe tax credits etc if you qualify
Life is too short for this believe me

AmserGwin Sat 27-Feb-16 18:39:55

Leave him. You only get one life, don't waste any more of it with him, you deserve better

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