Moving In Together

[DeepThinker42]

Long time lurker, hoping this topic would come up to no avail, so taking the plunge....

How long is too long or too short a time, to start living together with a boyfriend? We are both mid 40's, my children have flown the nest & his living with his ex wife? We've discussed it and it is on the radar but, I don't want to keep pushing it. It has only been 20 months since we got together but, I feel like I am ready for more. At present, we see each other a couple of times during the week & on a Saturday night and all day Sunday.

Thoughts??

[Unhappyexpat]

Well I think the answer if there are no children in the mix is whenever it feels right.
I moved in pretty fast with dh but I was moving to his country - possibly a different situation!

Make sure you discuss how it will work in terms of finances, domestic expectations etc beforehand. Make sure you're both on the same page. Have a trial period and don't sell your own place until you're sure it's working. Make sure you're financially protected in case of a split.,

[Oysterbabe]

We moved in after 11 months. 20 should be plenty long enough.

[TooAswellAlso]

I think 20 months is ok, as long as any children are taken into account.

His live with his ex, but does he have them to stay? Would him moving in with you prevent that from happening?

If it doesn't affect any children adversely, I would go for it after 20 months.

Only thing stopping me and DP doing it (2.5 years) is the children, but ours are all school age.

[Gillian1980]

Well, I never left after our 3rd date! I kept my flat for another 6 months but only popped in weekly to check it was OK. We're now married with kids etc.

But if either of us already had kids, I'd want to wait until we were both completely certain that we had a future together. At least a few months I guess?

[Tearsoffrustration]

I feel like me & OH would be living together now (10 months) if it wasn't for my young DC

[HeddaGarbled]

My thoughts: you want to move in together and move the relationship on. He is happy with the current set up but doesn't want to lose you by admitting he isn't bothered about moving in with you. If he was keen to move in with you and you've discussed it properly so he that he genuinely knows that is what you want too, plans would be in place by now.

[TheNaze73]

I don't think you can put a time frame on this, it's all about personal feeling I suppose. Think we're all probably a bit more cautious second time around

[firsttimemummy12345]

I believe you should whenever you feel ready. my best mate moved in with her now ex after a few weeks but it didn't work out and now they're living together till they both can find a new place.

[firsttimemummy12345]

but I didn't move in with my DP till we was together just under 3 years and I only moved in with him cause I was 6 months pregnant.

[LineyReborn]

I've been with OH for 2.8 years and we are nowhere near ready to do this (live together) because of teenage children and young adults on both sides.

When will his and your children visit and where will they sleep? Will they have free run of the home or will they be guests? What happens if one of the independent ones needs to come 'home' to mum or dad for a while?

We struggle to get our heads round it all tbh.