Kick me up the arse please

[Malefriendproblem]

I started a thread on Friday (sorry, not sure how to link it) about my 'friendship'. I have been NC with him since then and been ok about it but today I'm really struggling and thinking about him constantly.

I'm inviting you all to give me a kick for even thinking of contacting him or maybe you can give me your experience of coping with NC and how much better your life is now just to take my mind off it.

[merville]

Not sure how to find your other post/s to see ecaxt circums but this is a good quote re. sticking to no contact;

"You are making it easy for them to move on from you by remaining in contact “as friends” or “exes with benefits” while they pursue others, and harder for you to move on, heal and mend your heart, and be open one day to someone who actually wants to be with you.
By choosing to remain in contact and settle for being in limbo, you are reaffirming their belief that they can find someone better because if you can’t walk away out of self-love and out of recognition of your own value, then you must not be someone worth having. It’s basic human psychology. This is not games, this is about you taking the time and space for yourself to move on from someone who has hurt you and who saw no future with you."

I would add that thinking about someone or something can be compulsive and you need to break that pattern by stopping and distracting yourself with anything you can. Also new places, people, activities will get you away from things that trigger you thinking about it and help break the pattern as well.

[Resilience16]

Wow Merville , what a great quote, thank you.
I made the mistake of contacting my x last week after 4 weeks of NC. Bad mistake, it has really set me back, particularly as he told me how wonderfully well he was doing (which I only partly believe).
You will have good days and bad days OP,and the knack is deffo to keep busy/distracted.
Good luck! x

[SoThatHappened]

I'm inviting you all to give me a kick for even thinking of contacting him or maybe you can give me your experience of coping with NC and how much better your life is now just to take my mind off it.

NC for many months. I went fucking mental and told him what I thought of him when he told me he had a gf (the same way yours did). he deserved it but he wont talk to me now. He seemed like he wanted us to stay on good terms, offered to meet me to give my things back but I went nuts.

Many months later, I wish I had just taken it on the chin and kept him as a friend.

Becuase months of NC havent fixed it.

Contact him if you want. I wish I hadnt done waht I did and still could have been on good terms now.

[SonjasSister]

Mmm, not sure that 'taking it on the chin' would necessarily have led to an ongoing friendship SoThat? In my experience it is sometimes possible to be friends eventually, but I have never found any good has come of returning again and again to the 'scene of the crime' when the injuries are still fresh, raw, and painful.

[welshguy1]

Sorry no advice, but here's your previous thread
Good luck.

[Malefriendproblem]

Thanks Merville. I have copied and pasted that into my phone to look at every time I need to.

Sothat ... Sorry to hear you're going through it too. This NC thing is hard and today particularly so for some reason but we have to believe that in the end we will be better off without them.

[SoThatHappened]

Mmm, not sure that 'taking it on the chin' would necessarily have led to an ongoing friendship SoThat?

You're right. I do see that. It was unlikely to have led to a friendship and he likely would have given me my things back and not contacted me anymore anyway.

I never bothered to get my things back, only some clothes, I can do without them and he probably gave them away or threw them out by now.

People do say horrible things in break ups, as emotions are high, etc. Most people dont just say ok and walk away without saying something.

You're right, trying to be friends in the immediate aftermath wouldnt work and wouldnt have happened.

[Malefriendproblem]

So that . I think thats what has got me down today. The reason I told him I was going NC was to 'help' his new relationship. He obviously knows its because I'm jealous but theres so much more I want to say to him tonight. Yes, we had some good times and we did help each other with things but I also want to remind him of all the times he hurt me, used me (or I allowed myself to be used should I say) and lots lots more.

[SoThatHappened]

The reason I told him I was going NC was to 'help' his new relationship.

Why did you tell him that?

I said my piece with mine....gave him hell and left it. I never told him I was going NC, you just do it.