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feel confused please need some outside advice.

(6 Posts)
suntansally Thu 25-Feb-16 11:39:34

I have been married 17 years now and my children are all at school.During our marriage i have helped dh grow himself a successful business,largely by having the children and doing all the finances & accounts.He is one of these men that seems to have an 'ego' needs feeding so he has the big car, the hobbies that are ALL man and although sometimes it gets on my nerves that he can't just seem to 'be happy with what he has' and relax a little he now wants even more.
I have been studying for 2 years with a view to university it has been hard but I am hitting the grades that I need.Right as Im about to apply to uni he says that he wants a change of career too and that he has been unhappy for ages at work and thinks that a new job will help our relationship survive.I kind of agree but it just seemed so selfish to do it right when i thought I could have a try.Both of us appear to want to just get a secure job for the future but we are clashing like crazy.I kind of think that he should do it and see if it eases the pressure from us both and it will be a good example to set the children.I always feel like I'm supporting him and not the other way around.He isn't showing me any signs though which fill me with confidence i.e he is putting us and the home last before his man hobbies and business.I have been seeing a counsellor for a year now and don't seem to find and end to deal with his behaviour.I feel like I'm going mad,he's a relaxed,kind,good with the kids but so selfish in other ways.Ive threatened to throw him out for some space at the moment but won't that just tare us apart,we need to be looking after the children,not a logger heads,I also feel like giving up on my career and going again when he's settled again but my fear is that he will then just need something else!!!sorry its long but seeing doc in a bit and might talk medication with him for me which is a shame all I feel like I need is a holiday and some emotional support.This is the first blip in our marriage and I do want to survive it.Its come to a head,I've cried all morning and last night.very sad.

Marchate Thu 25-Feb-16 11:53:22

Maybe he's jealous of your new found prospects for education and future employment

suntansally Thu 25-Feb-16 13:35:25

thats what I thought but I think he's just excited himself to have a change.I feel very distant from him at the moment x

QuiteLikely5 Thu 25-Feb-16 13:38:39

So selfish! It is your turn to shine now and any decent man would know it.

He feels threatened by your ambitions.......

If he did it at the same time would it comprise the finances ?

suntansally Thu 25-Feb-16 14:26:38

well only in that he is going to loose his business to take wages,so he will no longer be in charge of himself-sometimes `i see that as a good thing,maybe I will be able to get a diary more than a week at a time-no more working late excuses!thats got to be worth a drop in money ?

Friendlystories Thu 25-Feb-16 15:31:25

I would seriously look at whether this has to be either/or, if it's doable for you both to pursue what you want to do then that's what I would do. If he is trying to hold you back because he feels threatened then going ahead with your plans despite his career change will take the wind right out of his sails and leave him with no argument. You deserve to be fulfilled too so focus on finding a way to make it work regardless of what he decides to do.

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