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my mum screamed at my son

(40 Posts)
tma1968 Wed 24-Feb-16 14:50:35

my son is 10 and i thought he was at his friends house when he was actually in the park. i rang my mum just to see if he was there as id nipped out and told him to go nans if he needed anything. (we live close to the park, friends and each other so he has a fair amount of freedom). i didnt specify a time for him to come home and when i rang him he didnt answer so i called to his friends house to be told he was at the park. i was on my way to the park when mum rang and informed me that he was there (as id instructed) and that she has "bollocked" him (her words not mine). i was a bit taken aback as id not said he was in trouble or that i was worried , she assumed that i was. i said send him home and when i opened the door he looked terrified so i said "its ok son ur not in trouble" to which he burst into tears and sobbed saying "nan screamed at me tellin me i should answer my fone" i didnt get much more of the story as he was too upset. im absolutely furious. why did she want to shout at my little boy like that?? why didnt she say "oh love you might b in trouble, hurry home" or whatever....who the f**k does she think she is?? should i say something?

Ginmakesitallok Wed 24-Feb-16 14:52:24

He's 10, he wasn't where you thought he was, he wasn't answering his phone? I'd have bollocked him too.

Justmuddlingalong Wed 24-Feb-16 14:59:28

I'don't take his phone off of him, every time he didn't answer it. At 10 I presume he has one so that you can contact him. I think your DM was right to give him a bollocking.

Justmuddlingalong Wed 24-Feb-16 15:00:12

*I'd, obviously.

lookatmenow Wed 24-Feb-16 15:09:01

He's 10 - not a little boy as you so put it but young boy yes , who Also needs to start understanding he needs to be where he should be or ring if change of venue.

One good thing is he'll probably not do it again wink

Thesmallthings Wed 24-Feb-16 15:09:28

I'd have been anyoed he had gone some where I didn't know.

My son whos 19 was playing out front went to a friends house. I went looking fo him and couldn't find him at all. He also wasn't at a known friends house.

After a life time if circling the block and calling he's name and about to phone the police he ones biking sown the road.

He go a major bollocking to the point he cried.
He understands why he got a bollocking. It did him no harm.

Your mum shouted because she was worried maybe get your son to phone your mum and see if they can talk out now the emotions aren't flying every where

Thesmallthings Wed 24-Feb-16 15:10:03

10 not 19.... that'd be werid

lookatmenow Wed 24-Feb-16 15:34:20

I like the thought of the 19yr old telling you where he was going but I think I'd rather not know at that age (or they'd rather me not know) wink

Marchate Wed 24-Feb-16 15:37:20

I'm on your side OP. She should have sent him home or kept him at hers till you arrived. Shouting at him was going way too far

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 24-Feb-16 15:38:12

He deserved a bollocking. You need to make sure you know where he is, and he needs to answer his phone. I think you should have backed up your mum a bit tbh.

Jan45 Wed 24-Feb-16 15:47:40

Well he went missing in action, at least she cares, that's why she gave him a bollocking, he's hardly a wee boy at ten, I'd have done the same tbh, think you are making a big deal out of something he caused, not your mum.

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 24-Feb-16 15:53:56

He also might be exaggerating the volume of her voice. She's right though that he was in the wrong and should have been in trouble. You're happy for her to run around helping you with dc but she can't do any actual parenting? Bit hard.

pocketsaviour Wed 24-Feb-16 16:46:08

Does your mum have form for inappropriate tirades at children? Or do you think your ds is exaggerating because he didn't want a bollocking off you?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Wed 24-Feb-16 17:00:26

The amount of freedom you give your 10 year old does depend on the area you live in. We moved from central London to a tiny village in the countryside and I am more than happy for mine to roam the village or surrounding woods with his friends.
I think maybe your mum got the wrong idea when you phoned looking for him. She may have been very concerned that he had gone missing, and was so relieved to find him, she overreacted. I don't think you should overreact with your DM either. Just explain how you felt and what your ground rules are with your DS so she knows for next time.

Hissy Wed 24-Feb-16 17:02:42

Your mum has no right to bollock him. None.

She needs to back off.

It's done now, but you have a word with her about leaving the actual discipline to you.

Your son is old enough to listen, but shouting at him is not on.

Shutthatdoor Wed 24-Feb-16 17:02:44

He's 10, he wasn't where you thought he was, he wasn't answering his phone? I'd have bollocked him too.

Yep me too

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Wed 24-Feb-16 17:30:49

Hissy I don't think you can forbid a grandmother from disciplining her grandchild, particularly if he is in her care for some of the time. That would be a recipe for disaster. Agreed she may have overstepped the mark on this occasion, but she possibly misread the situation.

Hissy Wed 24-Feb-16 17:33:04

Of course you can tell your mother that the discipline of your children is up to you.

She is welcome to express her concern, displeasure, but shouting? No. Unacceptable. It's not her place to do that.

LazyDaysAndTuesdays Wed 24-Feb-16 17:38:17

Does your mum have form for inappropriate tirades at children? Or do you think your ds is exaggerating because he didn't want a bollocking off you?

I agree.

CooPie10 Wed 24-Feb-16 17:44:54

He deserved the bollocking and at least your mother had sense to see that. Why should she Molly coddle with 'there there' when he should have answered his phone? Sounds like it's the first time he got a telling off and is actually crying about that.

Jan45 Wed 24-Feb-16 17:45:12

So no parent has ever shouted at their child when in a state of worry - would love to meet that person. By parent, I also include grandparent.

Ok she shouted, she didn't physically attack him or shout for no apparent reason, Jesus, talk about ott reactions to a perfectly understandable reaction.

And, the OP has only heard the version of it from a ten year old.

Talk to your mum but do not go in all guns blazing.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 24-Feb-16 17:48:03

Your mum was right.

Joysmum Wed 24-Feb-16 17:58:34

Ask her what happened!

I'd have no problem with my DM giving my daughter a rollicking if she went missing. I know how she parents after all and have no issues with how she raised me wink

Damn right I'f be angry and upset with my child going AWOL and breaking my trust and it does them no harm to know it.

MrsJayy Wed 24-Feb-16 17:59:48

He didnt answer his phone he sauntered in she was probably concerned and worried id have bollocked mine too sorry im sure he has got into trouble before i am sure he will be fine

SheSparkles Wed 24-Feb-16 18:01:12

Your mum has no right to bollock him. None.

And this is why we are now raising a generation of children who have no respect for authority

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