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I can't cope with my break up

(4 Posts)
Nowayouttoday Mon 22-Feb-16 22:21:37

As the title says. I'm so ashamed but I'm not coping and I don't know where to turn. My friends tell me to pull myself together (I know they're right) but I can't.

I'm not crying, I can't get emotional. I just feel worthless and helpless. Im not eating and in exercising excessively to try to help. I realised today I've lost 2 stone since Christmas and now I'm underweight.

My ex and I split in December, he's already in a new relationship with a girl 6 years my junior barely out of her teens. I can't possible compete. I don't even want him back - I ended it - but I'm constantly worrying I did the wrong thing. Thinking of him being happy is tearing my apart. I have to see them all the time and I just can't do it.

I don't know what I'm looking for but I know I need help. Who can I speak to about this? Can I go to my doctor?

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 22-Feb-16 22:29:58

December is no time. Break-ups take time to heal from.

Help yourself to heal by cutting off all sources of information about him. How do you know he has a new gf? How is this information helpful to you? It's not. So block him on social media, cut mutual friends off with "I don't want to hear about ex, thank you" if they're about to tell you stuff about him. Time and distance is what you need.

And do all the usual self-care things that are good when one is feeling low: eat healthy foods, sleep 8 hours a night, exercise (moderate what you are doing, it sounds like, but do keep up some exercise as it is a good morale booster), socialise with people who make you feel good about yourself a couple times a week at least, pursue hobbies.

Basically, it's like an illness or bereavement. You need to be kind to yourself and take good care of your body and soul.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 22-Feb-16 22:34:22

If you are feeling that low that you would like to speak to a professional, find a psychologist in your area. They are wonderful for listening, providing compassion, and giving tools for how to cope with unhelpful emotions.

The fact that you think you were at fault suggests that you have a very external locus of control - in this case, another's opinion of you is affecting your own opinion of yourself. Whereas the truth is that a person rejecting you does not, in fact, determine your worth: it's just their own opinion, which they arrive at for their own reasons (and are entitled to), but it says nothing about your worth as an individual.

You are just fine, OP. Break-ups are tough, but it doesn't mean that you deserve rejection. It's just something painful and unavoidable, but you are still a valuable and lovable person.

Nowayouttoday Mon 22-Feb-16 22:47:20

I'm not so bad until I have to see them then I'm back to square one every time. I have to see both of them every day. It's so hard and I can't see a way out.

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