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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Would you ask your DP to pick up your DC from school?

28 replies

Tearsoffrustration · 22/02/2016 17:57

My DP finishes work at around 2:30 so would be home in time for the school run if we lived together. At the moment my mum picks up my DC on the days I work (2 days) would you ask your DP to do it? If no, would you when the children you have together go to the same school?

OP posts:

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Thattimeofyearagain · 22/02/2016 17:59

Eh? Why on earth would they not pick dc up from school ?

RudeElf · 22/02/2016 18:00

I think you really need to sort out your relationship status tbh. You dont seem to know whether youre coming or going with him and what is normal or what isnt. Decide whether you are together or not as a proper couple.

Tearsoffrustration · 22/02/2016 18:00

To clarify - my DCs not his

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 22/02/2016 18:01

So you don't currently live together? But presumably your DC is fully aware of this man's role in your lives if you're having or planning children with him. So I don't see any reason why he wouldn't pick up your DC unless it's miles and miles out of his way or something.

OctopusArmEnvy · 22/02/2016 18:02

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but they don't live together and by the sounds of it not all the DC in question are his??? I'm tired and multitasking so I could be very wrong though...

OctopusArmEnvy · 22/02/2016 18:03

And clearly very slow at typing ;-) xx

Secretlove · 22/02/2016 18:04

So you have your own dc and dc together but you don't live together?

Only1scoop · 22/02/2016 18:04

If you don't live together then I probably wouldn't. Not unless he offered on the odd occasion.

Have you been together a while?

SeaCabbage · 22/02/2016 18:05

Too many variables. Can you tell us a bit more about what impact it would have on him and how much of a hassle it would be? there's helping out and there's feeling put upon. How long have you been together etc?

CheersMedea · 22/02/2016 18:05

Eh? Why on earth would they not pick dc up from school ?

Is your DP the father of the children? (Or if your DP is same sex, a primary carer/mother?)

If not, how long have you been together and how well do your children know the DP?

CheersMedea · 22/02/2016 18:06

Cross post.

Tearsoffrustration · 22/02/2016 18:06

We don't live together at the moment - however we plan to soon & we have no children together at the moment.

OP posts:

rollonthesummer · 22/02/2016 18:08

Long as a piece of string question really, OP. More details are needed to be able to give any sort of sensible answer.

FarinaHuevos · 22/02/2016 18:09

I wouldn't ask DP to do that if he wasn't the father of the DC and we didn't live together.

Joysmum · 22/02/2016 18:09

I always think it's a good indicator as to what's ok or not to reverse the rules. If it were him with the kids and you finishing early, would you be happy to or would it be an issue?

RudeElf · 22/02/2016 18:10

You dont have a baby with him and are currently pregnant?

PrettyBrightFireflies · 22/02/2016 18:10

I've only ever asked my Dp/DH to be resposible for my DD (his DSD) on the odd occasion after school or at weekends, not as a regular thing. Similarly, I've only ever missed one or two mornings seeing her off to school over the last 6 years. Saying that, I have a right of first refusal arrangement with her Dad, so if I'm not around, I ask her Dad first before I make alternative arrangements.

My DD isn't DH's, and imo, he didnt sign up to be responsible for her just because we moved in together/got married.

MatildaTheCat · 22/02/2016 18:19

Does he want to? He might enjoy doing it sometimes. Equally he might not. If it's a no then would you hope he would change and get more involved when you live together? It's worth a discussion.

If you lived together and he refused I would find that worrying because there would be similar issues all the time.

RedRideMeGood · 22/02/2016 18:24

I have the same situation atm and we've been discussing this. If DS is happy for him to then DP will be doing some school runs once we move in together. He comes with me to drop him off now every so often if we're both starting work later.

Tearsoffrustration · 22/02/2016 18:41

Yeah I suppose with my DCs it's down to him - but I would expect him to pick our joint children up & it would seam silly for him not to pick my DCs up at the same time

OP posts:

PrettyBrightFireflies · 22/02/2016 19:52

I would expect him to pick our joint children up & it would seam silly for him not to pick my DCs up at the same time

But you don't have joint DCs yet? A lot can happen in 5 years; will your older DC's even be at the same school by the time joint DC's reach school age? I think you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself

Oysterbabe · 22/02/2016 20:14

It depends on his relationship with them I think. How long have you been together?

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NerdyBird · 22/02/2016 20:32

I live with my DP and we have a dd. I do both ends of the school run for his older dc once a week on my non-work day. I don't enjoy it and do it because it saves some money on childcare. He was also left in the lurch by his ex suddenly deciding she could'nt do her share if it (which strangely coincided with her finding out I would'nt be working that day) so we didn't have much option. For me, it's not the picking up but the looking after for the rest of the afternoon till DP gets home. I have to look after my dd, supervise two sets of homework, referee bickering etc. On another day in the week I don't do pick up but still have to do the homework etc and bedtime as DP does a hobby. It's quite a lot to do as a partner and there's a lot more to it than just picking up from school.

Only1scoop · 22/02/2016 20:41

All sound a little hypothetical.

Are you expecting a DC with him?

Only1scoop · 22/02/2016 20:41

'Sounds'

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