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How to move on..(3 Posts)
This may be a bit long winded..
Two years ago I met someone I thought I could see myself with in the future.
Everything happened so quickly, we got on like house on fire and saw each other most weekends due to him being in forces. Together for about 6 months.
Then for some untoward reason I became unwell. I was riding a non stop rollercoaster and then I crashed. Everything came down on me at once and I broke down. I was depressed and anxiety at an all time high.
Towards the last couple of months I became argumentative and pushed this person away constantly and I guess this is what broke our relationship down. He couldn't handle it and especially my moods and he broke up with me. When I needed help it wasn't there.
I was under the mental health crisis team and had started medication- I had hopes of getting the old me back. I literally pleaded and begged him to support me and he refused.
This followed by months of sporadical no contact and then we met up for him to collect his stuff and although I tried to be strong I was close to tears and heartbroken. He comforted me and somehow we slept with one another. Then all contact ended again (about June time).
Between then and December that year we'd occasionally talk to one another and on that Christmas eve I went and met up with him and slept with him again. By this time I thought I was a lot stronger and could do the casual sex thing. Fast forward to the February I found out I was pregnant and terminated due to personal reasons. He never knew. I stopped all contact and moved on in life.
I met someone knew who thought the world of me, yet deep down I didn't feel the same about him but I stuck at it to try and prove I was over ex.
Ex turned back up on the scene in the September after seven months of no contact. General chit chat and asking how I was and finding out how I was getting on.. this then turned into how he missed me and our relationship and how he wished things had been different. He was jealous of the relationship I was in.
That relationship then ended as it was not fair on me to continue something I couldn't see in the future and I just wanted to be by myself which I have been since.
Since I ever split with the first ex in 2014, I've never felt fully over him. Over the past six months we spoke he went from being all lovely, nice and like the old person I know to a total stranger. I don't even know why I continue to bother. It's like I'm holding out in hope that one day he'll see the old me and suddenly want me. Everything has to be on his terms-for example when he wants to speak to me or see me that's it otherwise I won't hear nothing.
I know deep down this is very unhealthy. My self esteem is zero, my mental health is deteriorating again and I feel like I'm just surviving rather than living. I'm only 23 and this shouldn't be how I live my life. If he says jump I literally say how high. If he says he likes something in someone I'll try and change myself to that just to try and please him.
I just can't seem to get myself out of this vicious circle. I am always comparing other men with him. It's like I'm in love with the idea of our old relationship and I can't let go.
I just feel like I'll never truly be happy no more. I feel sometimes like my life is wasted and I've no reason to carry on sometimes (this isn't all down to this relationship but I feel I no longer trust anyone anymore. He said he would be there for me and he wasn't. I have cut myself off from social media, cut contact with many people and withdrawn myself).
I just want to know how I can move on from this because I can't carry on no more living my life like this.
Sorry if it's so long.
You can move on. You know deep within yourself that you can. You are not 'over him' because of the circumstances when the relationship went wrong
He let you down when you needed him most. He's there for the good bits, disappearing when life take an inevitable dip. Should you get back together you cannot promise that the future will be crisis free. He will let you down again, you know he will
You need to concentrate on your health. Depending on a man (or anyone) to complete your life is a bad move. Once you are content within yourself you will meet someone who is your equal
Best wishes to you
Oh lovely. I hope this doesn't sound patronising but you are so young and this man is not the only one for you. You need to get better. Do things that you enjoy. The person who is right for you will be there for you at the right time in your life and will give you the support you need. Neither of those applied to this man. He is a destructive and negative influence on your recovery and you are holding on to something that never really existed in the first place.
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