Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm a crap person. Spending the weekend with boyf and want to run away.

(29 Posts)
MissTessmacher Sun 21-Feb-16 17:44:58

Or more accurately I want to chuck him out of my house. We've recently gone from a FWB set-up (my preference) where we only saw each other once a week and for one night every other weekend to being more of a 'proper couple'.

He's been at mine since yesterday lunch time and I'm completely irrationally being driven mad by his:

1. Loud eating (open mouthed crunching of crisps) Also includes slurping tea.

2. Complete indecisiveness to all my questions.

"What do you want to do for dinner? Shall I grab something from M+S?"

"Err can do".......silence

Flicking through Netflix and I'm overtly saying " what about that one?" "Errrrr can do".

2. Making stupid/obvious comments about what we're (eventually) watching eg. a car drives out of a garage "the car is driving out of the garage huh huh" confused.

I just want to slob in my pjs and watch Gilmore Girls. On my own <cries>

It's not him. He's a kind and sweet person. The sex is incredible. I am just not cut out to be a girlfriend to anyone. I spent 13 years with ex-DP and this is just starting to feel like the same strangling mundanity that I felt towards the end of that relationship.

Gah!

Trills Sun 21-Feb-16 17:46:00

Ask him to leave then?

ChubbyPolecat Sun 21-Feb-16 17:46:54

I'd have kicked him out at the noisy eating let alone the inane comments about the TV!

ChubbyPolecat Sun 21-Feb-16 17:47:56

He might be sweet and kind but I feel annoyed just reading your post!

Sparkletastic Sun 21-Feb-16 17:49:43

Ummm is it possible that you aren't intellectual equals he sounds a bit thick

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 21-Feb-16 17:50:22

Ah well, you live and learn eh? Chin up! Today is almost over. You haven't done anything daft like give him keys have you?

tribpot Sun 21-Feb-16 17:50:39

Sounds like he wanted more of a boyfriend/girlfriend set up, possibly because it would involve getting cosy at your house and having you sort out his food and telly watching. Totally not attractive.

If he's been at yours since yesterday lunchtime he's more than out-stayed his welcome. I'd tell him you want some alone time before work tomorrow and ask him to leave. And you need to be honest and say you're not interested in anything more than FWB.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 21-Feb-16 17:51:55

Loud eating is uncouth and you have every right to be put off by it. Doesn't mean he isn't nice, but... argh. Sometimes being nice is not enough. And not wanting someone to share a house with you doesn't make you crap, it just makes you not prepared to share a house with them. Stabbing him to death for slurping tea/being indecisive would make you a crap person, but you haven't done that, have you?

Or have you?

ravenmum Sun 21-Feb-16 18:01:42

I am just not cut out to be a girlfriend to anyone.
Sounds more like he is not the right boyfriend for you. He's good in bed, sweet and kind, and a bit dopey with poor manners, whereas you would like someone who was good in bed, sweet and kind, on the ball and with good manners. Doesn't make either of you a crap person!

deregistered Sun 21-Feb-16 18:12:24

What ravenmum said really.

My dh is a good guy, I do love him but tbh I would never, ever live with another man if we ever split up - even milder habits than the ones you describe are incredibly grating when you are in each other's space.

The habits you describe are pretty awful and incredible sex will a) become less incredible over time (probably) and b) you have to spend way more of your time out of bed than in it (unless you are amulti millionaires with endless funds and/or have no kids).

So relegate him to FWB or give him the heave ho!

Believeitornot Sun 21-Feb-16 18:14:01

These are the sort of things that annoy you after years with someone, not in the early days.

It is a sign. He has to go

Teaandcakeat8 Sun 21-Feb-16 18:15:06

Do you actually want to be in a relationship with this guy? Or are you just going along with it... your post 'moving from a fwb arrangement to more of a proper couple' is very strange terminology! If you really liked him I don't think these things would be so annoying.

I don't think you really want to be his girlfriend. You should really be honest with him so he is free to find someone else (if he chooses).

OTheHugeManatee Sun 21-Feb-16 18:18:22

You're perfectly capable of being a great girlfriend. You're just not that into him smile

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sun 21-Feb-16 18:22:43

Making stupid/obvious comments about what we're (eventually) watching eg. a car drives out of a garage "the car is driving out of the garage huh huh"

Like a running commentry you mean?grin The loud open-mouthed eating would be enough to put me off someone. Did you never see him eat when you were FWB? or were you too busy shaggingwink Indecisiveness is very irritating too. Slurping tea...blurgh! It's not you that isn't cut out to be a GF, he's not cut out to be your BF by the sound of things.

MissTessmacher Sun 21-Feb-16 18:59:47

Thanks all.

Have just sat through dinner where he barely looked up from his plate, ate with his mouth open and didn't speak at all apart from to answer my pointed questions. Sigh. My DC will be back from their Dads tomorrow morning and I feel like I've spent the weekend looking after another child, this one 6'4 with a beard hmm.

I will never ever ever live with a man again. He knows this. But I thought we could have the fun stuff without any of of the drudgery creeping in. Apparently not!

Marchate Sun 21-Feb-16 19:02:59

I'm inclined to think the drudgery always takes over. The only variable is how long it takes

Nobodyspecialanymore Sun 21-Feb-16 19:04:05

Life's too short. Time for him to go.

pinkyredrose Sun 21-Feb-16 19:04:37

Christ get a hold on yourself and ask him to leave will you? !

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 21-Feb-16 19:05:26

if you are going to ask him to leave do it sooner rather than later before he sells his place or gives notice or his house mates rent out his room

Yanbu btw. annoying habits only get more annoying

tribpot Sun 21-Feb-16 19:06:46

Was it him who wanted to move beyond FWB? He doesn't seem to be making any effort.

MissTessmacher Sun 21-Feb-16 19:08:27

Marchate I totally agree.

I just don't know how to go about telling him I want to hit rewind and go back to our old arrangement. Seeing him for part of the weekend but also having time to myself was ideal. I've never misled him about what I wanted/didn't want. It just seems to have snowballed a bit into a much more boring traditional thing than I wanted.

DoreenLethal Sun 21-Feb-16 19:08:40

Oh dear Miss. Had you forgotten that you are due round mine tonight at 8? Best get him gone eh?

Destinysdaughter Sun 21-Feb-16 19:09:34

That does sound crap OP ( not you tho!) if you suggest you go back to FWB, does that mean it will be over on his part? Sounds like you may feel a bit resentful about being persuaded to be a proper couple when that wasn't what you really wanted.

pinkyredrose Sun 21-Feb-16 19:15:28

How does being more of a 'proper couple' mean that he stays at yours and you feed him? Did he persuade you to be his girlfriend when you really didn't want to?

You're just going to have to tell him I'm afraid!

tribpot Sun 21-Feb-16 19:22:17

I've never misled him about what I wanted/didn't want

Well, you have - implicitly at least. And he's in your house, so how did that happen? Who suggested a longer visit than usual?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now