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So angry with partner

(35 Posts)
jorainbow45 Sun 21-Feb-16 08:46:23

My partner of 18mths had a fling before Christmas which I found out about. The first bit was a kiss at work I saw a message on his Facebook confronted him and he said it was a mistake. He text her told her about me and said it couldn't happen again he loved me. She replied ok. From there according to him she approached him and said you aren't happy we could have something nice and it continued for a week
I found out so got all the detail from him. He didn't fancy her was just playing and enjoyed the attention. He did however end up in her home where he got on got in and then had a massive pang of guilt and went soft. I'm so angry I can barely type. Says he thought she was ugly and doesnt know why it happened. How can he not know???? I asked if he loved me - yes. We had been arguing the month before as I suffer from anxiety and was struggling but after the kiss we talked and he agreed to communicate more as I felt he wasn't. Niw if I bring it up he says how many times will I? Do you think me talking to someone professional would benefit me?

Sparkletastic Sun 21-Feb-16 08:47:35

No but I do think you should break up with him.

Oysterbabe Sun 21-Feb-16 08:54:06

If it were me I would never trust him again so it would be over. I couldn't live like that.
He had sex with her even though he thought she was ugly? How would he behave if someone he was attracted to came on to him?

Costacoffeeplease Sun 21-Feb-16 08:55:10

I couldn't carry on a relationship with someone who behaves like this - and now he's getting annoyed because you keep bringing it up? So the solution to that is - stop talking about and pack his bags for him - job done

And please don't do the 'pick me' dance

Iamdobby63 Sun 21-Feb-16 08:57:02

Are you married/living together?

It all sounds like excuses to me to dampen down him cheating on you - only you can decide whether to believe those details or not.

Counselling may help your anxiety, equally so could a secure relationship.

Gobbolino6 Sun 21-Feb-16 08:57:17

You've only been together 18 months. His words don't match his actions and it's his actions that show you who he is. Do not stay with this man. Years of this crap await you if you do.

sooperdooper Sun 21-Feb-16 08:58:30

After 18 months you shouldn't have all these issues

Finish this with him now, how can you ever trust him after all this?

Move on and put this all behind you, he's a cheating moron

jorainbow45 Sun 21-Feb-16 09:42:04

Thanks ladies. I think someone to talk to would be an idea for me to get me through this anger and the inevitable break up. I know he's full of shit. I'm also furious with her too which doesn't help. She knew about me and I'm one of those women who thinks other women should steer clear of taken men. Bit of an unwritten rule in my opinion. smile

tallwivglasses Sun 21-Feb-16 09:47:25

Ugly? Really? He went soft? REALLY? Listen to the wise Mumsnetters. You're worth more than this flowers

Costacoffeeplease Sun 21-Feb-16 09:54:44

Ignore her part in it - she's not your partner, she owes you nothing - don't waste your energy on her or divert any of the blame from where it lies - firmly and squarely with him

Slowdecrease Sun 21-Feb-16 09:55:47

It's entirely understandable to feel angry at both people however he's the one who found himself at her house and he's the one who is with you. Two options here. 1/ he doesn't love you at all but can't be on his own and 2/ he does love you but can't cope without attention from other women. Neither is a win for you and not the relationship you should have.

jorainbow45 Sun 21-Feb-16 10:01:48

Lol tallwivglasses that made me smile! I've seen her and she's not easy on the eye which is probably why I feel insulted. I am worth much more than that and quite happy to be alone it's just the level of anger thats shocked me. Never been in this position before thankfully.

Sunshine87 Sun 21-Feb-16 10:02:25

My DS dad was a cheating scumbag after he left for OW. He wanted me back! I wouldn't give him the time of day. He was blocked ony phone but had his mother begging me to give him another chance, he wanted his family back. No way was i putting up with that behaviour i was worth more and so are you. I have a great DH another child and one on the way. My ex hates DH think hes resentful that i moved on and ended up happy but i knew i deserved someone who was respectful and commited to me. Don't waste your time on this loser

Sunshine87 Sun 21-Feb-16 10:04:45

They always cheat on someone uglier i think its because they are there and easy. Look at cheryl cole her husband had a stunning wife and got with munters

Slowdecrease Sun 21-Feb-16 10:07:19

I feel the anger might be half at him and growingly at yourself for not kicking his ass into shape it and it will magically dissipate! It doesnt matter if the other woman is "ugly" or beautiful what matters is your partner thought little enough of YOU to risk losing you. Remember that. Its you who is of little value to him regardless of anyone else. Get rid.

Only1scoop Sun 21-Feb-16 10:09:33

I'd ditch him for describing her as 'ugly' just to please you.

He obviously didn't think that at the time.

He sounds vile

jorainbow45 Sun 21-Feb-16 10:18:05

Off to the tip. Sadly I don't think it fair his clothes go too but then again. .... thank you for the support and kick up the butt xx

Slowdecrease Sun 21-Feb-16 10:35:18

I wouldn't do that, you are not Jeremy Kyle fodder you're better than that. Just ghost the knob.

DoreenLethal Sun 21-Feb-16 10:37:40

Do you think me talking to someone professional would benefit me?

Yes, a letting agent unless it is your place he is living in.

ouryve Sun 21-Feb-16 10:42:54

If it's so crap after 18 months, it's time to tell him to sod off.

He's not a keeper and he will continue to treat you like shit.

ouryve Sun 21-Feb-16 10:46:04



ChasingPavements Sun 21-Feb-16 10:53:31

OP after 18 months it shouldn't be this hard. If you can find the strength, I would walk away now. If you need some kind of counselling, it should be to help you understand why you would ev n consider staying with someone who treats you in this way.

Sunshine munters? Ffs.

dilys4trevor Sun 21-Feb-16 10:55:49

Yes, it's the way he is being disrespectful to both you AND her. He sounds horrendous. Describing how he went soft because she was ugly? This is 14 year old virgin stuff.

This guy puts even most of the cretins one reads about on here in the shade (inc my own ex).

ohforfoxsake Sun 21-Feb-16 11:08:47

He probably said the same to her about you. You probably never have sex or show him affection.

He went to his house and fucked her. He doesn't think she's ugly, he didn't go soft. It's all bullshit.

Sit up and look at this massive red flag slapping you round the face. Dump him. Now.

Buzzardbird Sun 21-Feb-16 11:11:53

It would be great if cheaters could come up with some original excuses.

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