Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Think it's happening again...

(7 Posts)
Andsoandsoandsowhat Sat 20-Feb-16 00:15:13

Falling for somebody inappropriate. Not married or anything, can just sense that he is likely to hurt me in the end but feel powerless to resist. Why can't I feel this way about a nice normal guy? Only times I've felt strongly about somebody it always ends badly. If I listen to my head and go for the safe bet there's no attraction or I soon get bored. Why? Seen this guy a few times and I know I'll fall hard for him if I keep seeing him so part of me is thinking call it off now but the other side of me just knows I'm powerless to resist..

TheBouquets Sat 20-Feb-16 00:38:18

It has to be your choice. You could have a short time of fun and frolics and try to get out when you see it is appropriate but that could be too hard on you or for you to do. It might be better and easier to just drop the whole thing just now. It is not easy but you have to choose.

TheNaze73 Sat 20-Feb-16 00:57:44

I talked about exactly this the other day & got a barrage of abuse. In the early days (as a male) I've had to adopt my approach & be a bit of a twat. Nice, steady, reliable = no challenge and equals dull. I'm pleased you acknowledge that. Guess we can't help who we fall for. Just try to get him to chase you a bit. Be a bit aloof, don't give it him on a plate & give it a go.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 20-Feb-16 01:57:22

Somewhere in your childhood, you learned that love = getting hurt. So you're just replaying that as it's what you know. Nice normal guys seem "dull", because your early experience of love has had an element of tension or drama.

You could try to unravel this with a therapist, if you don't want to keep repeating the same pattern forever.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Sat 20-Feb-16 07:32:50

You're not powerless to resist. You're just choosing the drama because it meets a need you have.

TheNaze I didn't see what you talked about the other day, but some of us don't want drama and do want someone nice, steady and reliable. Some of us want someone kind and thoughtful, who cares about people and who understands, respects and cares about us. Someone who regards us as equal and doesn't assume a position of authority by virtue of the fact the are A Man. And someone who seeks to love and cherish us.

If that's genuinely what you were offering. Don't change.

Duckdeamon Sat 20-Feb-16 07:39:58

Of course you're not "powerless". Have a read of the thread about dating. And reflect on why your drawn to or don't filter out the tossers.

something2say Sat 20-Feb-16 07:55:26

I completely agree that drama and game playing from a man is rubbish. I think this has sprung up from people with issues not being able to settle into relationships. Hence they like them up and down all the time.

Be careful op. What you're saying is that you sense potholes in the road yet you are proceeding as if they are not there... But we live nd learn. Just don't ditch your friends or spunk all of your money ok? You need them for when the relationship is over.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now