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(3 Posts)
maxig123 Fri 19-Feb-16 21:17:18

I haven't visited mumsnet for some time however some of the threads I've browsed today have hit home, mainly the ones saying they wished they had done it sooner.

I've been with DH for 14.5 years, married for 12.5. Two DS (5&8).

We have had no real relationship for years now, no sex for 2, we have nothing in common, no mutual friends. He finds the kids very hard work.

I'm from abroad and have no family at all here, also no help from the in-laws (capable but can't be bothered). The lack of family support and the fact I've been a SAHM for 8 years is probably why I thought I had to put up with this life but I just can't do it anymore.

He is pretty miserable all the time but is never going to initiate any change.

So I want to somehow start the process to give myself a life and to be honest I think he would be a better dad if he didn't have the kids full time.

We have considerable assets, a freehold house and business that is joint names. I don't actually work there much but am an equal joint shareholder.

If we split do I just get half of everything, would he have to pay me spousal maintenance as I left a high paying job to look after kids. It would be very hard to me to work much as I have absolutely no one to help with any school runs and holidays, my kids get 17 weeks off a year. I will be completely on my own with the kids, I have no idea how much he will want to have them.

My friend thinks I should get legal advice before saying anything, is this what mumsnet people would recommend. I'm dying to say something tomorrow.

maxig123 Fri 19-Feb-16 21:20:41

Be good if I could also spell Separation....

Runningissimple Sat 20-Feb-16 07:38:02

It is more complicated than a straight 50:50 split.
My advice would be: see a solicitor; tell your DH you want a trial 6 month separation with a view to a more permanent split; arrange regular contact between him and the children; and then maintain the status quo as much as possible for 6 months.
Prepare for him to be hurt and shocked but, if possible, give him 6 months to get his head round it all before you start talking settlements and finances.
Good luck!

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