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I asked him for second date

(22 Posts)
KristinaKringle Thu 18-Feb-16 23:30:20

Met guy, good date. I messaged to say thank you, he replied, we chatted. He was going on business for couple of weeks soon after. I messaged hinting about second date but he never got back to me. A few weeks later, I re-text and we are going for a drink tomorrow. Just have nagging feeling at back of mind that he should be one doing chasing :/ Am I being silly

Marchate Thu 18-Feb-16 23:33:55

Hmm... Good luck with that. Don't demean yourself by appearing too keen!

I only mean that with kindness

KristinaKringle Thu 18-Feb-16 23:35:39

I know...
I know he was genuinely very busy though.
Do you think my text was too keen then? Bugger!

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Feb-16 23:38:07

What Marchate said... also meant with kindness. smile

See how it goes tomorrow, but don't ask him for a third date!

Sighing Fri 19-Feb-16 00:52:09

"Demean" yourself by appearing too keen. Wtf century is this.
He had the ability to say no. Just as you are adult enough to express interest without it being social death.
It's not a game. If it comes to something. Yeay. In the meantime, enjoy the date and talking to another human etc.

TheNaze73 Fri 19-Feb-16 06:51:34

Well said Sighing

HelpfulChap Fri 19-Feb-16 06:56:33

I agree with the posters above.

You have initiated a second date, I hope you have a great time but I also think it would be up to him to arrange a third date.


ChubbyPolecat Fri 19-Feb-16 07:00:45

Oh God yeah definitely too keen you should halve sat at home praying for him to call then being upset when he didn't

There's actually nothing wrong with letting a man know you enjoyed the first date and would like to see him again

TheStoic Fri 19-Feb-16 07:02:36

Asking for what you want is 'too keen'? Not in my world.

ChasingPavements Fri 19-Feb-16 07:10:14

What Sighing said.

Just go on the date with your eyes wide open. Always listen to your gut instinct - if things don't feel quite right, then they're probably not.

Good luck on the date - let us know how it goes!

Whisky2014 Fri 19-Feb-16 07:15:36

I hate game playing. I met my partner on a random thurs night out. I gave him my number, he txt me the next day asking to go on a date the following week. We went on that date and he txt the next day saying he'd really like to see me again. So easy and I wasn't put off that he txt so soon. I don't think there's anything wrong with showing your interested. Saves wasting time. Enjoy yourself!

ALaughAMinute Fri 19-Feb-16 07:20:56

You're overthinking it. You asked him for a second date and he said yes so just enjoy it and make sure he does the chasing next time.

Wigglyparty Fri 19-Feb-16 07:24:20

I can understand your concern OP. A while back I 'set my cap' at a colleague 7 years younger than I was and asked him out on a date. It seemed to go well but then nothing so I asked him out again (feeling like the worst kind of 'cougar'). 7 years on we are happily married with two DC. He says he loved the fact that I was honest about how I felt as he was tired of all the game playing he'd come across while internet dating. Of course, this is just an isolated example and I don't know the man in question but I just want to counteract some of the views here with a positive story of doing what feels right to you.

christmaswreaths Fri 19-Feb-16 08:04:15

I asked the man I had been dating for 6 weeks to marry me, so asking someone out for a second date seems fine by me!

Ps we have been happily married for 12 years and have four children together!

DCITennison Fri 19-Feb-16 08:15:59

Nothing at all wrong with you doing the asking, these Rules which say a female should be pursued are so utterly dull.

The reservation I would have, and why I personally wouldn't have instigated this second date, is that you'd already hinted at it and been pointedly ignored. No such thing as too busy. Too busy for a date at that time maybe, but no way too busy to reply mirroring your enthusiasm that you see each other again.

He either chose to leave you wondering on purpose, in which case he's a manipulative twat, or he just couldn't muster the enthusiasm. Either way not someone I'd want to see a second time.

BlondeOnATreadmill Fri 19-Feb-16 08:36:20

If a guy is really in to you, then he is never too busy to fire off a text asking for a 2nd date. Never. It takes all of 2 minutes. He could do it whilst having a crap!

blindsider Fri 19-Feb-16 08:41:08


Unless you have come across as a Bunny Boiler a text saying shall we meet up is fine. Any bloke that takes fright at that is going to have all sorts of issues and is well worth avoiding. No harm can come of it if he is keen on you, this will have zero negative impact, if he isn't keen the sooner you find out the better.

Whisky2014 Fri 19-Feb-16 08:42:38

Ok but he has said yes to going on another date. So...

Marchate Fri 19-Feb-16 08:45:21

Lordy Lordy! I didn't say asking for a second date was too keen. I answered the OP. She asked him, he ignored, she asked again

Not a male/female rôles thing at all. If a person doesn't get back to you, it's usually best to drop it

scarlets Fri 19-Feb-16 08:55:41

I don't think that this is a male/female issue. I think the issue is that he didn't respond to your initial suggestion of a second date with a positive, "I'm away for a few weeks but would love to see you when I get back".

I get the feeling that he's indifferent to you and that if you hadn't kept in touch, you wouldn't be seeing him again.

Enjoy your night out but let him suggest a third date. Don't waste your time on someone who's not into you.

FinallyHere Fri 19-Feb-16 09:04:20

There is nothing wrong with you 'chasing' him, by which i mean asking again when he didn't respond to to your first hints. How will you feel, however, if it's always up to you to instigate things? If you are happy with that, go ahead. If you would rather it was more equal, you would have to give him a chance to make the next move and accept that that might take a long time, or never happen.

Which do you prefer? Have you had any chance to get him talking on the subject?

sonjadog Fri 19-Feb-16 09:13:36

I think you see how it goes. He seems keen to see you for another drink, right? Go along without high expectations and enjoy getting to know a new person. Take it from there.

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