Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

sex whilst asleep (possibly triggering)

(11 Posts)
Racmactac Thu 18-Feb-16 20:43:50

I left my ex 3 1/2 years ago, he was an arse basically, controlling, financially controlling and verbally abusive at times.

I have had 3 1/2 years of grief from him, he has turned my teenager against me. I stopped him seeing the younger ones because of his behaviour. he has made physical threats against me, he smashed my car in (but i cant prove it was him) All of this is probably not relevant but to set the scene of what a charming man he is

I am self aware enough to know that his behaviour was abusive but for some reason in the last couple of days I have recalled two or three occasions when I woke in the night and he was on top of me having sex. I did nothing at the time, just laid there.

Is this rape? If it is why has it only just come to me? Why now? I don't understand why this has reared its head and what the fuck do I do with this?

I haven't discussed it with my dp - he will be horrified and probably want to kill him!

Wombatinabathhat Thu 18-Feb-16 20:47:55

Yes it is rape if you haven't not given consent, which you obviously couldn't do whilst asleep. thanks
What do you want to do now you have realised?

Wombatinabathhat Thu 18-Feb-16 20:48:51

*have not given consent

AnyFucker Thu 18-Feb-16 20:48:57

that is not sex, it is rape

sorry thanks

Racmactac Thu 18-Feb-16 20:50:20

I don't think I want to do anything about it. I cant face reporting it.
why have I only just realised this?

Wombatinabathhat Thu 18-Feb-16 20:55:19

I don't know why Rac Would it help to ring a rape helpline and discuss your options or just talk about how you're feeling?

Morasssassafras Thu 18-Feb-16 21:03:36

Sometimes we forget things to protect ourselves. It may be coming up now because part of you knows it's time to process that it happened.

Maybe contact rape crisis or similar if you think it would be helpful to talk it through.

MrsJayy Thu 18-Feb-16 21:09:21

Maybe there was so much chaos at the time you didnt think anything of it put it down to 1 of those things now you are in a better place its coming back I dont know I am sorry you are remembering this it must be awful perhaps contact rape crisis you can talk itthrough properly if you feel up to it.

PushingThru Thu 18-Feb-16 21:21:32

You couldn't name it or face it at the time; your mind shelved it for you to process later X

TheNaze73 Thu 18-Feb-16 23:06:05

That is disgraceful. Yes it is rape

hellsbellsmelons Fri 19-Feb-16 08:54:44

If this has just come to you and you need to process it then you can contact rape crisis. They can help you unravel things and get some counselling for you to come to terms with it all.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now