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I've sent him this message, is this ok?

(82 Posts)
Janeyat867 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:02:33

'Today I'm taking off my wedding ring, I've really enjoyed some times we have had and I wish you the best. Unfortunately I cannot stay knowing you like to 'casually' browse escorts and you have not been at all straight with me. I know more has gone on and I'll never know what and I just cannot live with that. You have made me feel really insecure in most parts of life, I can't go on living like this wondering what you're up to, blaming you for looking at other women even if you say you're not and I can't feel worthless anymore. Goodbye'

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Feb-16 12:05:44

Good for you. That's no kind of marriage, is it? I hope you regain your confidence and can look back at the good times, but stay determined not to relive the bad times.

TheMshipIsBack Thu 18-Feb-16 12:06:34

Delete the sentence 'You have made me feel really insecure ... can't feel worthless anymore' and you've nailed it.

TheNaze73 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:09:13

What a horrible message to have to type. As a bloke, had I been up to those misdemeanours, I'd feel shamed & would just have to take it on the chin. Yeah, there must have been underlying problems to make him look but, he should have talked to you about it. Hope it lands ok for you

Janeyat867 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:17:03

I don't know what his underlying problem was, nothing was wrong in my eyes but still he chose to look while lying in bed while I was up with the kids. It's sad he has single handedly ruined us.... I feel absolutely awful

RedMapleLeaf Thu 18-Feb-16 12:21:52

Have you discussed the background to this already?

Janeyat867 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:26:08

What do you mean, with my husband?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 18-Feb-16 12:33:04

I'm sorry you're going through this OP flowers.

I am also newly separated from my H of 20 years, after he decided to engage in some very explicit sexting with a work colleague.

I can hear the heartbreak in your words but do you think you'd want to try to make things better if you could? Or is it a definite end in your eyes?

Neither's wrong, I'm just thinking that if you aren't aware of why your H is even doing this (the reason could of course just be he's an unfaithful cunt) - then some counselling might get you talking and get his reasons out in the open. Even if it doesn't save your marriage, at least you won't always be wondering why.

Janeyat867 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:49:08

I have tried it's been a year now, during this year he's Not once helped, I've never seen anymore escort things but now there's no history on his phone, he has a porn addiction to transvestites too. I've tried so hard but he's never gave me a reason to feel secure.

OhShutUpThomas Thu 18-Feb-16 12:52:47

Well done flowers

OhShutUpThomas Thu 18-Feb-16 12:53:39

And the onus isn't on YOU to try; YOU haven't done anything wrong.

LilacSpunkMonkey Thu 18-Feb-16 12:54:46

Why must there 'have been underlying problems for him to look' Naz?


Janeyat867 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:58:29

It wasn't the sort of relationship where he wasn't getting any at home so looked elsewhere. We hadn't long had a baby and our sex lives were great. We werereally really happy! The reason he gave was he liked looking at them (but this year I found out someone he messages on Facebook a couple of years ago was a escort)

RedMapleLeaf Thu 18-Feb-16 13:49:51

What do you mean, with my husband?

No, I mean on here. Without a little information on the context of your message, I feel that the level of support we can offer here is limited.

Janeyat867 Thu 18-Feb-16 13:59:16

Oh sorry I've posted before yes, he was looking at escorts in our area about a year ago, now always deletes history has private setting etc. has a porn addiction, lies about money etc, I'm really insecure and he says it's my fault we aren't good because I question him. Brief background story! Sorry I should of said smile

ElderlyKoreanLady Thu 18-Feb-16 14:07:39

Yeah, there must have been underlying problems to make him look

hmm Must there? I don't really agree with that. I think there can be underlying issues in situations like this but I don't believe it's a certainty. My ex did it from day 1.

Sounds like he hasn't stopped OP...if he wasn't still doing it, he wouldn't be deleting the history and upping his privacy. How are you feeling? Has he responded?

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Thu 18-Feb-16 14:12:42

It's the lying about money that really nails is it.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Thu 18-Feb-16 14:13:01

There were underlying problems in the relationship for the OP but she didn't choose to ignore her family while she found prostitutes to fuck.....

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Thu 18-Feb-16 14:13:06

(Not that the rest didn't of course)

RedMapleLeaf Thu 18-Feb-16 14:13:20

Ok, I see. Any reply? Where are you both? E.g. are you at home and him at work?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Thu 18-Feb-16 14:14:02

Sorry you're going through this op flowers

We'll done for finding the strength to end it, I know how hard it is wine

DragonsCanHop Thu 18-Feb-16 14:16:33

Good for you.

Once the trust has gone it really eats away at you.

It took nearly 4years to finally say enough is enough, stay strong. Are you going to be ok financially, family support, RL friends


shoeaddict83 Thu 18-Feb-16 14:18:00

sorry you are having to deal with this OP, i hope you can find a much better life without this man in it making you feel worthless when you arent. No-one should put up with that flowers

Fairenuff Thu 18-Feb-16 14:33:05

Well done. What do you need to do now in terms of ending this relationship (other than remove your wedding ring). Do you live together?

Janeyat867 Thu 18-Feb-16 15:31:56

We are both at work I finish before him so I don't know what will happen, I've told him to leave we both rent the property neither have anywhere to go but he said he would leave. He hasn't replied.

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