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Do I say anything?

(19 Posts)
DraenorQueen Thu 18-Feb-16 11:13:42

I have a male work colleague with whom I've got quite friendly. Nothing sexual, just a few texts about common interests and a few amusing stories from dates we've been on. He's recently started seeing a woman who's had to go abroad for 6 months with work, which has obviously got him a bit down. They've been texting, he sent valentines gifts, etc. Looked like it could work out.
However. I went out for drinks with other colleagues a couple of nights ago and they began talking about this guy's relationship. The woman happens to be a friend of one of the women there and it transpires the girlfriend has been taking the mick out of my friend's keenness, laughing at his "shit valentine" etc. Not only that, but she currently has her ex out there at the moment in the hope of getting back together. I felt really upset and eventually said this woman really needs to do the decent thing and end it with our colleague.

What do I do? It would be awful to tell the poor guy but, equally, I don't think I could listen to him telling me about how he's looking forward to X returning, etc. without feeling like a complete bitch. Whats does anyone think?

Haventgotascooby Thu 18-Feb-16 13:00:01

I would keep out of it personally, esp as you've heard these comments from a third party so you can't guarantee exactly what's been said by the gf. It doesn't sound great tbh but I would just carry on being a good friend to him - you might lose that if you speak out and it sounds like he'll probably work it out himself if she's that bad!

Haventgotascooby Thu 18-Feb-16 13:02:06

Oh and well done for standing up for him in his absence, good for you, that shows what a good friend you really are.

DraenorQueen Thu 18-Feb-16 14:06:21

Thanks for the advice, Scooby. I just felt really cross as I thought we all got on as a team but it wasn't nice to hear our colleague being mocked in his absence. You're right though, I can't really say anything, can I? Just feels a bit shit - I've been in his position before and never really got over my friends knowing but not telling me.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 18-Feb-16 14:09:52

I've been in his position before and never really got over my friends knowing but not telling me
THIS - totally

I'm not sure what you do though. <useful>

Pseudo341 Thu 18-Feb-16 14:37:46

I'd tell him. Wouldn't you want him to tell you if the situation were reversed?

Goingtobeawesome Thu 18-Feb-16 14:41:05

Definitely tell him.

Bollocks to stay out of it, none of your business. seems some people want to pick and choose when okay to get involved in other people's lives.

Haventgotascooby Thu 18-Feb-16 15:01:58

At present it's gossip. How do you know what the truth is? She could tell him and it's all been elaborated and embellished upon. Telling a friend firm hard facts is fine. Not so sure about passing on rumours though.

WilLiAmHerschel Thu 18-Feb-16 15:10:39

Very tough situation. I think you have the choice of forever remaining silent on the subject or telling him the truth. But if you tell him what you heard be clear that you're passing on what you heard because he is a friend but you don't know if it's the truth as you didn't get it from the horse's mouth.

BlondeOnATreadmill Thu 18-Feb-16 15:20:37

Tell him. You can say you don't know if it's true, but this is what was being said.

springydaffs Thu 18-Feb-16 19:26:58

I'd tell my friend Ben (comparable relationship). I couldn't not.

TokenGinger Thu 18-Feb-16 21:52:20

I would 100% tell my friend/colleague with whom im friendly. What kind of shitty friend would I be to keep out of it?!

Haventgotascooby Thu 18-Feb-16 22:06:58

IT'S GOSSIP!!! May hurt them unnecessarily. Now that would be shitty.

TokenGinger Thu 18-Feb-16 22:58:43

I think a friend knowing that she has her ex partner with her in another country is more than gossip.

DraenorQueen Sat 20-Feb-16 18:25:09

Just a quick update. My friend messaged me today to tell me the woman has unexpectedly blocked him on FB and Whatsapp. So he presumed he's dumped. Who actually does that?!
Rightly or wrongly, I haven't said what I "know." Hopefully that's the end of it. Thanks for your suggestions, everyone.

springydaffs Sun 21-Feb-16 08:33:23

An infant does that.

Poor guy, she sounds revolting.

Oysterbabe Sun 21-Feb-16 08:56:00

You don't know how true this is. Stay out of it.

DraenorQueen Sun 21-Feb-16 09:09:24

I have stayed out of it, Oyster. Looks like it's resolved itself now anyway. What an unpleasant person though!

Pidapie Sun 21-Feb-16 09:25:49

Glad it fixed itself without you having to tell him,, though sorry for your colleague ;/

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