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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do I say anything?

18 replies

DraenorQueen · 18/02/2016 11:13

I have a male work colleague with whom I've got quite friendly. Nothing sexual, just a few texts about common interests and a few amusing stories from dates we've been on. He's recently started seeing a woman who's had to go abroad for 6 months with work, which has obviously got him a bit down. They've been texting, he sent valentines gifts, etc. Looked like it could work out.
However. I went out for drinks with other colleagues a couple of nights ago and they began talking about this guy's relationship. The woman happens to be a friend of one of the women there and it transpires the girlfriend has been taking the mick out of my friend's keenness, laughing at his "shit valentine" etc. Not only that, but she currently has her ex out there at the moment in the hope of getting back together. I felt really upset and eventually said this woman really needs to do the decent thing and end it with our colleague.

What do I do? It would be awful to tell the poor guy but, equally, I don't think I could listen to him telling me about how he's looking forward to X returning, etc. without feeling like a complete bitch. Whats does anyone think?

OP posts:

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Haventgotascooby · 18/02/2016 13:00

I would keep out of it personally, esp as you've heard these comments from a third party so you can't guarantee exactly what's been said by the gf. It doesn't sound great tbh but I would just carry on being a good friend to him - you might lose that if you speak out and it sounds like he'll probably work it out himself if she's that bad!

Haventgotascooby · 18/02/2016 13:02

Oh and well done for standing up for him in his absence, good for you, that shows what a good friend you really are.

DraenorQueen · 18/02/2016 14:06

Thanks for the advice, Scooby. I just felt really cross as I thought we all got on as a team but it wasn't nice to hear our colleague being mocked in his absence. You're right though, I can't really say anything, can I? Just feels a bit shit - I've been in his position before and never really got over my friends knowing but not telling me.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 18/02/2016 14:09

I've been in his position before and never really got over my friends knowing but not telling me
^^ THIS - totally

I'm not sure what you do though.

Pseudo341 · 18/02/2016 14:37

I'd tell him. Wouldn't you want him to tell you if the situation were reversed?

Goingtobeawesome · 18/02/2016 14:41

Definitely tell him.

Bollocks to stay out of it, none of your business. seems some people want to pick and choose when okay to get involved in other people's lives.

Haventgotascooby · 18/02/2016 15:01

At present it's gossip. How do you know what the truth is? She could tell him and it's all been elaborated and embellished upon. Telling a friend firm hard facts is fine. Not so sure about passing on rumours though.

WilLiAmHerschel · 18/02/2016 15:10

Very tough situation. I think you have the choice of forever remaining silent on the subject or telling him the truth. But if you tell him what you heard be clear that you're passing on what you heard because he is a friend but you don't know if it's the truth as you didn't get it from the horse's mouth.

BlondeOnATreadmill · 18/02/2016 15:20

Tell him. You can say you don't know if it's true, but this is what was being said.

springydaffs · 18/02/2016 19:26

I'd tell my friend Ben (comparable relationship). I couldn't not.

TokenGinger · 18/02/2016 21:52

I would 100% tell my friend/colleague with whom im friendly. What kind of shitty friend would I be to keep out of it?!

Haventgotascooby · 18/02/2016 22:06

IT'S GOSSIP!!! May hurt them unnecessarily. Now that would be shitty.

TokenGinger · 18/02/2016 22:58

I think a friend knowing that she has her ex partner with her in another country is more than gossip.

DraenorQueen · 20/02/2016 18:25

Just a quick update. My friend messaged me today to tell me the woman has unexpectedly blocked him on FB and Whatsapp. So he presumed he's dumped. Who actually does that?!
Rightly or wrongly, I haven't said what I "know." Hopefully that's the end of it. Thanks for your suggestions, everyone.

OP posts:

springydaffs · 21/02/2016 08:33

An infant does that.

Poor guy, she sounds revolting.

Oysterbabe · 21/02/2016 08:56

You don't know how true this is. Stay out of it.

DraenorQueen · 21/02/2016 09:09

I have stayed out of it, Oyster. Looks like it's resolved itself now anyway. What an unpleasant person though!

OP posts:

Pidapie · 21/02/2016 09:25

Glad it fixed itself without you having to tell him,, though sorry for your colleague ;/

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