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What does romance mean to you?

(9 Posts)
dreamingofholidays Wed 17-Feb-16 08:23:59

Just before Valentine's Day DH and I got talking about romance. He said he thought he was pretty romantic, but thinking about it, he really isn't. For Valentine's (which we're not that bothered about) he bought me a card. I booked a surprise weekend away, admittedly with DC. I wasn't expecting a gift but he's now stripped all the romance out of my gift. He's asked me to postpone the surprise weekend away by 6 weeks because the weather will be better and he'll be less busy with work. Am I being silly to be annoyed? I booked it for March so we had something nice to do when we have no other trips planned. Now it's been postponed to 2 weeks before we go on holiday and I just can't be arsed now. Am I being unreasonable?

I buy him little gifts quite often. Nothing exciting just a nice t shirt, or some socks, or a new face wash. He never gets me anything apart from for birthdays and Christmas. Even the odd bunch of flowers from Tesco have stopped because he never goes now.

His idea of romance is sex. Mine is doing nice little treats and surprises.

What do you class as romance?

Fratelli Wed 17-Feb-16 08:47:56

Romance is not sex! I also wouldn't consider a break with the kids romantic though. Dp and I had a really romantic weekend away and only had sex once as we were tired from all the different things we did!

For me romance is things like showing you think about each other when you're not together. I don't equate romance with purchased although obviously receiving flowers is lovely! We send a nice text or share a phone call for no reason other than to see how each other are etc. I find it romantic when dp does things just to make my life easier too.

Yanbu about him changing the dates, although I guess there isn't much he can do about work.
I also think contrary to what you say, you are bothered about valentine's day as you went all out for it. Almost setting him up to look bad maybe?

Jibberjabberjooo Wed 17-Feb-16 08:56:21

Romance is not sex!

Romance is thinking about the other person. Doesn't have to be big gestures, can be little things. It's showing you're thought about.

Snarklepoo Wed 17-Feb-16 09:01:07

I've got one that does this esp about travel/holidays (and it irritates me irrationally). Creeps through to other things and recognise the romance/sex thing as well. Have started to dread weekends and the inevitable grinding convo about what we're doing. No spontenaiety anywhere in the relationship now (admittedly on both sides).

3 and half weeks till the wedding...ho-hum.

He is lovely and I make it sound worse than it is, but kwym about just occasionally ( like once a year) making a bit more of a gesture. I always wished he'd send me flowers at work or do a surprise weekend away.

Can I send you flowers instead?smile

elliepac Wed 17-Feb-16 09:01:52

I agree that romance is not about sex in the slightest. If you asked DP he would say he is not a romantic man, I disagree. We don't often see each other monday to wednesday due to work and family. During that time however, he always send lovely texts that just show he js thinking of me...that is romantic. When we are together, he is always doing little things to show he cares and always puts me first. That is romantic. For me it is about those little things and thoughts not hearts and flowers.

blindsider Wed 17-Feb-16 09:09:51

Romance can be sex - horses for courses

Your trip sounds like a romantic gesture to you, but you are taking the kids, it is essentially just a family trip.

Romance to me is scraping your wife's car as well as yours in the morning because you know how cold her hands get, etc. just little gestures to show she is at the forefront of your thoughts.

B3auBouqu3t Wed 17-Feb-16 23:20:57

Spending quality time together

Enjoying the good times and helping through the bad times

Making an effort

Communication

Laughing together

Making memories together

wonderingsoul Wed 17-Feb-16 23:29:53

Romance is in the little things imo.

Like how he kisses my forehead if iv fallen asleep downstairs n he's about to leave for work.

Or how he asked if I wanted to get off the over packed train because he could see it was upsetting me

Or if I have a bad dream he'll just cuddle me tighter and say it's ok.

Or when he he allways sings to me our song if it comes on the radio.

It doesn't have to be big things, just showing that he cares.

The trip away might mean more to you and I think you should tell him how it's upset you, if then he doeant change he's mind n blows your feelings out of the water then he'd be being a bit twatish imo.

Cabrinha Thu 18-Feb-16 09:47:07

Romance is doing something for someone else.

I actually think your weekend away wasn't romantic. You did it because you wanted a weekend, you cared about having it to look forward to, you didn't want it close to another trip. That's all about what you wanted from it! And you also like the big gestures, I think - so again, it was about what you wanted to do (and receive) not what he wanted.

3 days before Valentine's an ad came on the TV for Lidl flowers and my BF said "we're not doing that shit are we?"

This morning I couldn't find my trainers (stayed at his) and he said "oh, I moved them from the conservatory to the lounge as it gets cold in the conservatory overnight and I didn't want you putting cold trainers on".

Frankly, screw flowers on a commercialised day of crap - I'll take the little gestures any time.

Worth googling 5 love languages. My BF and I ran through the questions independently and both came out highest on physical gestures and absolutely zero on gift giving. All the face washes and socks you give him? It may be that they don't register with him as expressions of love / romance.

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