My 17 year old son is in a relationship with a young woman of the same age and I am worried about it. They have broken up previously as a result of her behaviour but are now back together again and have been for a few months.
She has threatened to harm herself if he leaves her, more than once.
She tries to make him responsible for her emotional wellbeing by throwing tantrums or sinking into dark depressions if he does not give her what she considers to be enough attention (the underlying implication being that again, she may harm herself).
If he says he is busy and cannot see her that weekend she will turn up unnanounced at the friends house where she knows him to be (this involves a train journey for her - not just a walk around the corner.)
He is forced to switch off his phone in order to avoid her repeatedly contacting him if he is busy or wants to sleep. She will explicitly tell him that he has not spoken to her enough that day and that she will not allow him to sleep until he has. She has even rung the landline and contacted me via Facebook asking to speak to him when she cannot contact him via other means, after him explicitly telling her that he is busy/sleeping/doesn't want to talk right now.
My son has spoken to me about this behaviour, which is great. And after much soul searching I spoke to him and told him that what she was doing was not ok, that threatening to harm herself was emotional blackmail, and emotionally abusive. I said that I could not stop him from seeing her if that was what he wanted to do, and that it was his life, but that I could set my own boundaries. And those were that I did not feel comfortable with her spending time at her home. I told him I felt that if I allowed her to keep coming here, I was sending the message that her behaviour wasn't a problem. So he sees her at her home instead.
The problem is that she and her father criticise and ridicule me for having set these boundaries when my son spends time there. I'm not sure if her father knows the full extent of her behaviour - he definitely knows about some of it and seems to feel that it's not a problem. Also my sons own father dismisses it and says, "Aw she's just a teenager" and has no problem with her staying there.
So I feel very out on a limb. I'm trying to teach my children to have some boundaries and standards in relationships and I'm trying to have boundaries myself. But my son is receiving the message that I'm being ridiculous.
I'm starting to doubt myself and could do with some advice.
P.S. I've made it very clear to my son that I do not dislike his girlfriend as a person, that I can see her many good qualities, but that it is her behaviour I consider to be unnacceptable.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Son in a relationship I fear is emotionally abusive
worriednotsure · 16/02/2016 10:43
I agree with Hells - I would actually want to keep an eye on them and try to model more healthy relationship structures and behaviour for her.
There is a certain amount of truth to "she's just a teen" - at that age all relationships are incredibly intense. But it sounds like she's been brought up to believe in TRU WUV and if they leave you must KILL URSELF or it wasn't TRU WUV 
oh god I dread this kind of thing
i saw this with my younger brother...had a v v controlling and needy girlfriend, he was with her from the age of 15, she was his first girlfriend but it was a really stifling and unhealthy relationship. he never seemed that happy apart from the first few months, but he was scared to leave because of what she might do. they would have screaming arguments and she even slapped him a few times, me and my parents used to dread her getting pregnant
he finally left her at 24 but I really do feel he wasted a lot of his youth on her, they were like an old couple, he was never allowed out with mates etc
no real advice I am afraid but hope other wise mners will have some x 
for you
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.