I've posted before, lots of background.
Quick synopsis. Married partner of 5 years back in Nov 14. Was 7 weeks pregnant at the time.
Message received from OW to inform me of his infidelity 4 hours after saying our vows.
He ran away on our wedding night. Turned up at 5am at our house (I'd driven myself home from the hotel by this point). He begged for a chance. I said I needed a lot of time to think what I wanted to do about the pregnancy first (we already had an almost 2 year old).
The next day he disappeared for 2 days. I didn't know where he was. He refused to speak to me. I did find out where he was eventually (at a male friends 200 miles away).
He came back, begged for a chance again. Reiterated that my priority was thinking about my children and my unborn child. I'd get to what he had done to me once I had time to process what just happened.
5 weeks down the line he left me. That was 13th December 2014.
He also walked away from his son at the same time. 2 weeks later he wanted to see 'us' (read: he wanted to see me for sex, and get to watch his son in my house while I did the parenting). He kept it up for 2 weeks, then disappeared for 2 weeks again. 27th Jan 2015 was the last time he saw our son until August 2015. In June 2015 I gave birth alone. He knew I was due. He knew I was going in to have the baby. He didn't show. He didn't message. He didn't do anything at all.
August 2015 he shows up. Wanting to see his 'family'. Begging me to take him back. 3 weeks he managed this time before running away again.
Since then he has been in contact pretty often asking me to take him back. Declaring he is never giving up. And all that bullshit.
The last message was on 13th January when I told him yet again I would never take him back.
I found out today he was in a new relationship, supposedly from 25tj January. But there are pictures of them together at new year.
Part of me is rejoicing at the fact that I knew a leopard wouldn't change his spots, and he has proven me right not to take him back. He doesn't go from loving someone the way he declared to 'new relationship' in 12 days.
But then there is the part of me that is so angry. Angry that I'm here, 0.2 miles from his door, changing 15 nappies a day, making endless fucking meals, worrying about money (he is trying to dodge the CSA of course) and how the hell I am going to go back to work soon when I work 12.5 hour shifts. Raising a teen, toddler and baby with zero family support is hard as fuck. I'm so so so SO tired.
He gets to sleep like a teenager in his mummy's house, with no responsibilities. Endless time to pursue his new relationship. All the time in the world to meet someone and go on dates, re-write the above history, and get a new uncomplicated life.
And I'm here, like 'where's my break?'. 'When can I meet someone?'. 'What if I do, how will I ever trust again?'. 'Do I even want to be with someone?'.
I'm 31, with 3 children, and a huge heap of painful baggage. I love my children incredibly. But I'm lost. Lost in how to get over what he did.
There's obviously a hell of a lot more to the above. I'd be here all day writing about what he has done to the children, to me, the things I subsequently discovered after he left etc.
But the question remains. How do you get over being cheated on, and dumped with a toddler and pregnant? On your wedding day too. Oh and on a significant birthday. Just to add some more pain to the misery.
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I can't move on after his betrayal.
4 replies
TheDetective · 16/02/2016 02:37
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