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I can't believe I cannot actually get divorced.

(54 Posts)
Iwantmymaidennameback Mon 15-Feb-16 22:35:05

Have posted in OTBT but no one there.
In the middle of divorce and my sol informs me that the courts have rejected my divorce application due to me still being "financially entangled" with STBXH.
I now find myself unable to afford to get divorced, move out or feed my DCs as I now only have £190 per month to live on.
Talk about stuck.
I really don't know what to do next.

gleekster Mon 15-Feb-16 22:37:55

What does sol recommend you do? How are you financially entangled?

calzone Mon 15-Feb-16 22:39:09

Didn't know that was possible.

What does solicitor suggest?

Iwantmymaidennameback Mon 15-Feb-16 22:43:21

sol basically just said "we'll put the divorce on hold" until I either magically produce £410 or sort out my CTC claim, which isn't going to happen now as there's no way they are going to pay me anything as I am classed as still living in a couple.

Stuffythedragon Mon 15-Feb-16 22:47:05

I assume you still live with stbxh?

You can fill out an EX160A form, this assists with costs. Even though you ate living together you aren't a couple and you fill out the form as a single person.

Hope this helps and gold luck.

Stuffythedragon Mon 15-Feb-16 22:47:48


goddessofsmallthings Mon 15-Feb-16 22:50:20

Are you saying that your solicitor has advised you that the Divorce Court has rejected your petition to divorce and what is the £410 for as this sum is not dissimilar to the court fees required to file a petition?

friendshipfloss Mon 15-Feb-16 22:55:19

£410 is the court fee? You can get legal aid to cover this if you are on a passport benefit such as Job Seekers Allowance. However, this will not be the case for Child Tax Credits.

You have my sympathies, it is a horrible process chocolate flowers wine

Iwantmymaidennameback Mon 15-Feb-16 23:03:12

I can't get legal aid, which my sol told me I could initialy, because my CTC claim is in joint names with STBX.
So I have had to close that claim and apply for CTCs as a single parent. But I was informed by HMRC that that is very unlikely as we are still living in the same house.
Am starting to think that the only way I will ever get out of this marriage is to either push the STBX downstairs or leave without the DCs.

hefzi Mon 15-Feb-16 23:08:59

There's a link here to the page on HMRC that explains about the process by which they decide if you're living as husband or wife or not under the same roof: go ahead and file for CTC as a LP - I know several people who have had to do it this way because finances meant they and their exes had to keep living together under the same roof after they'd split. Just ensure you have your own bank account etc and that your finances are no longer joint etc

Iwantmymaidennameback Mon 15-Feb-16 23:14:46

I always believed it when people said "no one can stop you getting a divorce". not true obviously.
I am so tired. I just want out. I just want to sleep in a bed and not on the floor. I think I will move in my mum and leave him to sort out the DCs.
Why not? Why do I have to put up with this shit?

hefzi Mon 15-Feb-16 23:15:15

Other useful links defining criteria here and here Second one particularly useful, as it lays out the sort of criteria they look at for determining that a single application is OK whilst living under the roof with the person you're separated from.

lavenderhoney Mon 15-Feb-16 23:16:48

Post in legal or divorced/ separated.

I am under the impression for divorce legal aid it has to be DV or child abuse to get help.

That's bollocks in IMO what your sol told you, the financial settlement after the divorce - luckily now you don't have to wait- untangles the knots. No one is going to make you stay married - otherwise tons of people would still be married waiting for the financial settlement to be sorted.

Have you given this solicitor any money? Is he/ she a friend of your dh? Don't give them any more and go and see another one armed with the knowledge you have now. Ask for a 30 mins free appointment and don't mention your previous sol. See what they say. Everyone's circumstances are different, but you don't have to stay married!

hefzi Mon 15-Feb-16 23:17:52

Also, a letter from your solicitor to them explaining that the divorce is in progress gives weight to your claim. Can you take your DC with you to your DM if you don't want to leave them with your X? Or can your DM/someone else lend you the £410 now, and you pay them back when your claim is sorted/divorce in progress?

Iwantmymaidennameback Mon 15-Feb-16 23:25:56

I can't ask DM for money as she is living on a very tight pension.
no my sol is not a friend of DH as far as I know.
Yes I have paid £300 to him "on account".
All I know at this moment is is that I cannot feed my DCs or give them a proper home. Whereas DH can, so I will have leave the DCs here and move in with my mum.
That is my only option, unless I want them to starve as, whilstever I am here, DH will not help out financially.

no73 Mon 15-Feb-16 23:34:34

Don;t move out, tell him he needs to feed the children

gooseberryroolz Mon 15-Feb-16 23:36:05

Claim TCs as a single person.

gooseberryroolz Mon 15-Feb-16 23:37:03

Single parent, that is.

You do have options.

HandyWoman Mon 15-Feb-16 23:39:24

You can apply for ctc as lp even if he is in the house. I did. Although stbxh moved out soon after.

I just wrote and told them and that was that.

Sorry you are in this position.

Tbh your solicitor sounds rubbish. If they thought the court would reject it they should not have submitted it.


friendshipfloss Tue 16-Feb-16 00:08:14

Here is a link to the EX160A form that a PP mentioned - it might be helpful?


marriednotdead Tue 16-Feb-16 00:33:03

Another one that legitimately applied for tax credits before ex left the building.

The court will not count his income as part of yours for divorce funding purposes but you will need to provide a massive amount of evidence paperwork to get your £410 waived.
If your income is below a certain threshold- think mine was around £1300 with one DC- then you get the whole lot covered, after that it's a sliding scale. The one that messed me up was that the tax credits count as income for this. You have to provide proof of income/bank statements for the preceding 3 months from the date your application is filed with the court. A delay I had no control over meant that my first TC payment was included which took me over the threshold.
Luckily the courts take credit cards.

Good luck, you can do this flowers

goddessofsmallthings Tue 16-Feb-16 00:53:54

my sol informs me that the courts have rejected my divorce application due to me still being "financially entangled"

Please ask the solcitior to clarify what s/he has told you as courts accept petitions (applications) to divorce regardless of whether or not couples are 'financailly entangled' and/or while living under the same roof and it's commonplace for the Nisi to be pronounced before finances have been disentangled and childcare arrangements have been settled - in such cases petitioners are advised to delay application for the Absolute until these matters have been resolved.

£300 + £410 for court fees will be the tip of the iceberg of legal costs if you use a solcitor to handle your divorce but, as countless other women have done, you can do it yourself online and represent yourself at mediation/any court hearings that may be necessary.

Take a look at this link and check eligibility for reduction of court fees here

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 16-Feb-16 01:06:55

Are you in Scotland? The position on finances in divorce is different to England and the court generally won't grant a decree of divorce until finances are resolved (it's not a two step process there either)

I would speak to the solicitor and explain what you have here - that you want things sorted now and what is the most expeditious way. I would also ask why they lodged the divorce petition and didn't identify why the financial issues might cause problems.

Take their advice before leaving the house

AcrossthePond55 Tue 16-Feb-16 01:20:17

Wait, are you saying you and the children are living in the same house with your stbx and that he has the money but refuses to buy food for them? Does he have his own food in the house? If so, I'd use it to at least feed the children. Would he really let them go hungry simply to prove a point to you? If so, I'd say that's definite child abuse. I'm not in the UK but I'm sure there's someone you could call, I just don't know who.

TheDetective Tue 16-Feb-16 01:43:24

You can claim the TC's as a lone parent. You can also claim income support (you aren't working?). This is a passport benefit and you can have the court fee waived.

I'm just at the beginning of my divorce, but as I'm on maternity leave, I waited until my income was lowest to make my application.

I've filled in the paperwork to have the fee waived. I discussed this with the north west regional divorce unit back in December as I am doing mine without representation. They informed me that the new process involves providing no evidence for your income they just do random checks.

I sent mine off on Thursday, so I can update you if you like when I hear back.

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