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Would you date a man with low self esteem?

(22 Posts)
SoleBizzz Sun 14-Feb-16 13:29:22

He is a good person of that I remember. Knew him at school. Not seen him or met him again for twenty four years! We are just messaging each other right now.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 14-Feb-16 13:31:54

Who messaged who initially and on what basis?.

How do you know he has low self esteem?.

People can and do change a lot in twenty four years; are you really looking at nostalgia or through rose tinted glasses?.

SoleBizzz Sun 14-Feb-16 13:34:38

I messaged him first. Just to say hello. He told me he has low self esteem. I asked him if he knew why. He said yes but no explanation. Well he isn't eighteen anymore. We are just messaging. Might meet up.

Trills Sun 14-Feb-16 13:35:52

To answer just that question - it doesn't sound much fun.

I'd worry that I would have to bolster him all the time and end up "looking after" his mental health. I'd feel responsible for whether he was feeling good or not.

If you are asking for advice on your specific situation we'll need to know more about why you think he has low self-esteem.

TheNaze73 Sun 14-Feb-16 13:36:53

Think that's very open of him to tell you. Just don't expect Mr Alpha, if he's admitted that. Hope it works out for you

Trills Sun 14-Feb-16 13:37:20

No I would not date someone who said "I have low self-esteem" before we'd even been on a date.

Why is he telling you that? Is he trying to set low expectations? Is it so that he can behave badly and then blame it on that?

Even if he's not deliberately trying to manipulate you, he sounds like a drag.

FoxtrotJuliette Sun 14-Feb-16 13:40:05

What Trills said.

Low self esteem I have a lot of sympathy for but being responsible for dealing with it is so draining.

SoleBizzz Sun 14-Feb-16 13:41:00

I will just keep him as a potential friend. I agree with Al that has been said here. I wanted validation of my feelings about him. I not going on a date with him. Just chat mates and occasional meet up if it gets to that.

Learned my lesson about Internet men in the past.

All is cool. Thank you for your replies.

smile x

SoleBizzz Sun 14-Feb-16 13:45:22

I agree with Trills too. smile

Twinklestein Sun 14-Feb-16 15:14:45

To tell you that straight off sounds like he's depressed. Or maybe he's just a bit odd.

FarinaHuevos Sun 14-Feb-16 17:55:29

That's a fucking weird thing to say to someone you haven't even met yet. Wide berth.

liberatedwine Sun 14-Feb-16 18:00:10

Why does he have low self-esteem? It sounds like an excuse for him to be clingy, needy, controlling and crap in bed


Doobydoo Sun 14-Feb-16 18:01:40


sonjadog Sun 14-Feb-16 18:17:44

I would meet up with him and see. He needs to explain that comment though. It's an odd thing to come with out of the blue.

Flanks Sun 14-Feb-16 18:20:12

Do we have a thread to list contenders for 'worst chat up lines in history that actually worked'?

'I have low self esteem'.... jesus!

liberatedwine Sun 14-Feb-16 18:29:24

I invited a potential internet date on a day out on my friend's narrowboat and he declined saying he thought he was a bit too heavy. I'm ashamed to say the romance kinda stalled after that, because I'm as shallow as a puddle and he was 27 stone

Lilipot15 Sun 14-Feb-16 18:44:44

Liberated - poor bloke. He deserves points for honesty! Maybe he was genuinely worried he would get stuck in a narrowboat. And whilst you may feel shallow, being 27 stone is a serious serious health risk so console yourself with that.

And to answer OP, whilst many of us may at times consider that our self-esteem could be higher, definitely strange thing to tell you early on in contact.

liberatedwine Sun 14-Feb-16 18:59:42

Lilipot15 I did feel bad for him, and I still feel guilty for not offering alternatives to a day out on the canal blush

He was honest - he didn't dress it up by telling me he was well-built or cuddly. I hope he found someone to cherish him.

LineyReborn Sun 14-Feb-16 19:05:53

There's nowt wrong with honesty.

And it deserves an honest response. As in, thanks but no thanks.

SoleBizz, you always come across as fun and frank - glad to hear you'll not be dating Mr Self-Announcing Low Self Esteem.

thebiscuitindustry Sun 14-Feb-16 19:20:26

It depends what he meant by it. Maybe he's been let down in a previous relationship?

MistressDeeCee Sun 14-Feb-16 22:04:46

No. Never, ever again. A LTR with a man with low self-esteem wore me down. I think I was in helper mode back then. Thought I could help him out of it and it would cement our relationship too. How wrong I was. Time passes, we get older, stuff happens in life. He just got more and more bitter about past people in his life who had slighted him, exes from before I was with him, work colleagues who didnt appreciate him etc the list was long and went on and on. It did my head in I had to leave. Everything that had gone wrong for him, everyone else was to blame. I joined the list of those blamed I suppose. I don't reget that but I do regret giving a man who told me he had low self-esteem a chance. IME they're blamers, and playing on sympathy to rope you in ,thats why they tell you in the 1st place

LaPharisienne Sun 14-Feb-16 22:11:54


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