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What does normal look like?

(5 Posts)
Mamaka Sun 14-Feb-16 00:36:09

What does a normal, healthy relationship look like, with 2 very young kids?
Since posting my first ever thread the other day I've binge read practically all the threads on here and I'm a) shocked at the number of abusive relationships and b) concerned that my relationship sounds more like some of the abusive ones than the healthy ones described. I'm interested to know if there is a "normal" and how you can tell if you're in an abusive relationship or just a bloody knackered, no sleep no money no energy one?

ridemesideways Sun 14-Feb-16 00:59:18

I'd say an abusive relationship is when one or both individuals use words or behaviour with the intention of causing hurt or fear.

Name-calling, for me, would be my line in the sand.

JeremyZackHunt Sun 14-Feb-16 01:06:12

Do you both feel like that? If one person does but the other feels OK then things need to rebalance. If it can't be talked about then it's a problem.
Parenting as a couple is a skill. Learn it together or it gets to be an obstacle.

wickedwaterwitch Sun 14-Feb-16 01:06:22

Well, I can tell you what normal is for me but I'm not sure whether it'll be helpful

We like each other
We enjoy each other's company
We're generally kind to each other and think about what will make the other person happy
We listen to and care about each other
We find each other attractive
We share views on childcare / morality / politics / the big things
We laugh reasonably often
We have shared values and beliefs, mostly

We had a spate of no sleep, no money no energy and most of the above was still there, but probably with more arguments. We got through it by sharing the sleepless nights and realising that it wasn't for ever. It wasn't, we are out the other end!

goddessofsmallthings Sun 14-Feb-16 01:07:25

'Normal' is fun because you enjoy being with each other, and it's also comforting as it enables you to cope with no sleep/no money/no energy and the demands of parenting young dc because you're both on the same page and know that it won't be like this forever.

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