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boyfriend having doubts

(22 Posts)
Paddington72 Sat 13-Feb-16 19:12:00

I have never started my own thread before so sorry if I've done it wrong.

We met online last year and started dating I was completely smitten with him and he said he was with me, but he had a very busy life with coaching for his sons club and other sporting activities. He also had shared access with his son. I always moved things around to see him (I also work fulltime and studying for a masters as well as usual family commitments) but quite early on I realised that I was giving a lot more of my time and energy and when I asked to see him a little more often he backed off very quickly and said we wanted different things and he couldn't give me what I wanted.

I was heartbroken and it took me a long time to feel okay again, I was surprised at how much it hurt but I started going on dates and hoped I would eventually meet someone nice.

Then at New Year my ex got back in touch in touch with me, said he had never stopped thinking about me and couldn't believe he let me go. I was very uncertain for a start but he convinced me he had changed and now had time for a relationship. So we started dating again, but this time he came to see me a lot more (instead of me driving me to see him) and has done so many thoughtful things and seemed very different. He had booked 2 weekends away and said he was showing me we had a future together.

However last night he was at a coaches meeting and he texted me afterwards to say he has been asked to be head coach, this morning he never texted me back and in the end I asked him if everything was okay, he said no his head was all over the place and he didn't know where I would fit in if he took the this position because he couldn't see me getting involved in the sport? I asked if all the other wives and girlfriends all attend training and he said no they don't and I said I couldn't understand why he had to choose between me and the sport. He said he was having doubts about what we have in common and he needed space to sort his head out and he would phone me later, but it sounds as if he he has more or less made his decision.

I know I'm a twat for trying again with him in the first place, I just feel sad now. Please can someone give me a serious talking to. Sorry this is so long and boring I just needed to write it all down.

TheTigerIsOut Sat 13-Feb-16 19:18:16

Not your fault, you liked him, he sounded convincing, and now you can be sure about how unreliable he is. Allow yourself to be annoyed and block his number before he tries to convince you again.

If he can have a personal life to the side of a hobby, he is not with the effort, much less so the heartache.

MatildaTheCat Sat 13-Feb-16 19:18:41

It's sad but it's over. Keep your dignity intact and tell him you realise that your relationship isn't working and wish him well with his coaching.

Then block him because you really cannot have him coming back when the sports season is over and he has free time on his hands for a few months.

Have a little more and then move on and meet someone who is actually able to commit to a relationship.

MatildaTheCat Sat 13-Feb-16 19:19:59

'A little mope not more' blush

Paddington72 Sat 13-Feb-16 19:59:48

thank you for your replies, it's just what I needed to hear.

I just don't understand him he insisted I meet his son, he met my grown up daughters. I feel so let down.

ThatsNotMyRabbit Sat 13-Feb-16 20:02:52

Oh tell him to fuck off 🙄

Honestly some men are pathetic.

moopymoodle Sat 13-Feb-16 20:09:10

He sounds immature. What's he want a partner as passionate about coaching as he is? He's living in a dream world! !

Cleensheetsandbedding Sat 13-Feb-16 20:10:06

Meeting his son means nothing (speaking from bitter experience)

Get rid and be thankful you havnt ended up with him.

He probally let you go last time as he started seeing some one else then picked you back up when he was bored and now has found some one else again.

Honestly OLD is full of arseholes. My BIL is on OLD and we regularly meet his 'new' birds. He sees it like a candy shop.

Lucky escape!

wintersocks Sat 13-Feb-16 20:33:38

I think you were right to give him a second chance. Fair enough. Not your fault. He's out of order to do this again and doesn't deserve a third chance

sooperdooper Sat 13-Feb-16 20:40:15

Oh his loss, honestly he sounds ridiculous - he can't cope with a hobby AND a relationship?? Of he needs to get a grip, move on and don't contact him again (and if he texts again in 6 months time ignore ignore ignore - or just block him now!)

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sat 13-Feb-16 21:12:16

"He said he was having doubts about what we have in common and he needed space to sort his head out and he would phone me later"

I'd feel like replying "Don't bother calling me. Fuck off you pathetic man". Dickhead angry Not sure if I'd send that though.

pumpkinmoon1 Sat 13-Feb-16 21:14:20

What wintersocks said.

AnnP1963 Sat 13-Feb-16 21:35:54

My goodness I really feel for you. Maybe this is a kneejerk reaction to him getting th head coach job. Maybe he just did not expect to get this job. I would give him a couple more weeks and see if the dust settles he sounded so sincere and really wanted to give it a go. Just give him a little space and then sit down with hi and a piece of paper and a pen, write down your weekly schedule and get him to write down his. I guarantee there will be time for you both once he sees this he will stop panicking. Just see. However if he doesn't want to meet you half way then walk. Block his number block everything about him and put it down to experience lots of people on here have done the same and are now very happy and you will be too.

choceclair123 Sat 13-Feb-16 21:48:06

He's weird you're well rid.

bjrce Sat 13-Feb-16 22:01:48

Ffs I've never heard such utter bullshit in my life, who's he going to coach? The national team?.
What a dickhead!.
Don't waste your time on him. He is pathetic. I actually wouldn't make it easy for h by telling him to fuck up, i would just ignore him. You really did dodge a bullet this time. He is completly unreliable. Discusting behaviour.

Paddington72 Sat 13-Feb-16 22:06:30

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I have deleted his number but I know he won't be in touch it's exactly what he did last year. I made such a fool of myself last time. I begged him for another chance, left messages on his phone that he never replied to.
Choceclair he was being very strange when i was talking to him i could hardly hear what he was saying. I said i thought we were going to talk through any problems this time but if his first reaction is to walk away there's not much I can do.

Paddington72 Sat 13-Feb-16 22:15:59

you made me laugh with that comment. No not the national team just a little club in a little town in Scotland. He just doesn't want me it's just an excuse. I wasn't very nice earlier and told him there was something wrong with him for doing this again i really regret that now. No bloody dignity again.

Angieyy1 Sat 13-Feb-16 22:41:17

Sounds like what's just happened to me he said he wasn't sure what he wanted and we have nothing in common any more ... And he was sorry .... Then just cut me out of his life Iv done the whole begging thing Iv humiliated myself for 2 weeks Iv only just deleted his number today not as though it will make me feel any better .....I honestly hope he comes back so you can tell him what an ass he is and give him a big fat no .... You sound like a lovely person and he was lucky you gave him another chance xx

Paddington72 Sun 14-Feb-16 03:35:11

Thank you Angieyy I'm sorry that happened to you X.
I was feeling ccalm before but now it's the middle of the night I just can't believe he has done this again to me.I am so angry for taking him back again believing all his lies. I know i will get over it but i don't understand why people can be so cruel.

MakeItRain Sun 14-Feb-16 08:56:13

There's nothing undignified about pointing out he's done this twice now. That IS odd behaviour. Stupid man. Make you you have lots of chocolate and try to forget him. There are much nicer people out there! flowers

SoThatHappened Sun 14-Feb-16 09:07:05

Is it possible he's been involved with an ex.

Comes back to you when he's bored or she's dumped him again

Aquiver Sun 14-Feb-16 09:29:56

Oh Paddington - what a crap situation. He sounds like a total immature muppet - you are well rid.

Definitely delete his number from everywhere (contacts list, call lists etc) and delete any text messages/emails.

You don't need someone in your life who puts you through the emotional wringer like this.

There are great, loving men out there on OLD but your ex definitely isn't one of them and you've had a lucky escape before dedicating more of yourself and your time to him. Well done you for dumping him! thanks

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