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What do I do

(4 Posts)
MrsTheoJames Sat 13-Feb-16 16:49:35

My 'd'h used to smoke fags and casually would smoke pot. He stopped both and had been off them for a couple of years. We got married had 2dds, all was great.
He started smoking fags again and an old friend of his came back into our lives. Dh has an unsociable job, no hobbies out of the home, so once a week he has been going to this friends for an evening, friend is unwell and doesn't leave the house much but smokes pot. I realised that dh was smoking again when there and we have argued about this with him promising it's not a problem hmm etc etc. Now I think it's escalated and although he doesn't smoke around the house or me I suspect he is paying for weed again.
Short of going through his phone I can't prove this but we dont have much money and his boss pays cash (all through the books) just not into the bank. We seem to run out quickly and I know he's keeping upwards of £20 a week to himself.
I have tried to talk to him and get nowhere as it's just denial and the more I push the more defensive he becomes, so we just go round in circles.
I can cope (just) with him smoking fags again but i resent our family money (we've always had everything joint and all income is ours together) being used for that.
I don't know what to do, my parents help us out a lot and I feel like it's a slap in their face if I have to ask them for financial help but he's wasting money.
Sorry it's so long just need to get it out, don't have any real life support, my parents know about the smoking fags but I can't tell them about the rest yet, and I think he'd leave before he'd stop smoking completely.

PurpleWithRed Sat 13-Feb-16 16:56:26

Tough dilemma - is it a deal breaker? How far are you prepared to go to stop it? Is there anything you can do so he is 'paying' for his habit i.e. anything you can stop buying because you can't afford it? He's put you in a terrible position - does he realise how hard this makes things for you? if he does then it seems he loves pot more than his family.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 13-Feb-16 17:01:59

Your parents help you out a lot? Well, maybe they need to stop so there won't be spare money for his habits.

Joysmum Sat 13-Feb-16 19:32:41

There's 2 thing here, the smoking and pot, and the inequality as you don't have equal spending power.

I'd be demanding equal spending power and telling your DP that if they want to help out that money needs to stop coming to you both and just coming to you until can can sort this out.

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