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Relationships

Was I In The Wrong?

26 replies

Bella71 · 13/02/2016 12:22

I've been with H for one year. We see each other maybe twice a week on average, he always comes to my house, we watch a dvd, have sex, sleep and then that's about it until the next time. On the whole I guess I'm pretty unsatisfied with the relationship but he has some kind of pull that I struggle to resist. I suppose, despite its negativities, the relationship suits me because it gives me company a couple of times a week with no expectation of more, which at this point in my life, I'm unable to give, nor do I want to. I'm a single parent to 4 children and I run my own business so I'm quite busy. H has made it clear on several occasions that he's not looking for marriage and that we wouldn't live together for at least another 5-10 years because of my children and his (there isn't enough room in either house for all the children). I'm fine with this because I don't actually think we have enough in common to live together or make this long term but it seems to suit us both at the moment.

My issue that I'd like advice on is this: My adult daughter met and started a relationship with a man in a different country. He's now coming over here to live and they have asked if he can stay here, in our home, until he gets on his feet and finds a place. I have agreed. When I told H about this he was really angry and said, "You have not considered me or us in this. Nor did you have the respect for me to discuss this with me before agreeing to anything."

This led to two solid days of arguing as I don't feel that I need to discuss this decision with him as he doesn't live here with us, isn't likely to and isn't involved in my childrens' lives. His argument is that I will be allowing my daughter and her boyfriend to stay in my bedroom while I move into hers (mine is bigger) and H feels that as my new bedroom will adjoin my other daughter's bedroom we won't be able to have sex and he won't be able to sleep round. I said that I could stay round his house instead (when I can) which he eventually agreed would have to happen and upon questioning agreed that there didn't appear to be any other option anyway so I would have had to have made the same choice even if I'd discussed it with him.

H has told me that he thinks my attitude stinks and that I'm in the wrong by not consulting him first. I think the opposite. I honestly don't see why I needed to discuss this with him first when it's my house and my children and is only for the short term anyway.

We discussed/argued about how he doesn't involve me in the decision making of his life, he argued that he always tells me about anything he's doing, to which I replied that was exactly my point, he tells me, not discusses but he thinks that's ok. (I think it's ok too, I don't ask to be involved in his decision making, I appreciate that our relationship isn't like that, even though some decisions he makes, does affect us/the time we see each other.)

So, we're at a bit of an impasse and I don't know how to move on from it. Was I in the wrong to not include him in the decision making?

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Oysterbabe · 13/02/2016 12:28

No you are not unreasonable. It was entirely your call. He is being a dick.