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I did not handle this well

(67 Posts)
WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 10:54:25


Yesterday I discovered that before Christmas my DH spent £300 on a piece of jewellery. It wasn't for me.

I decided not to confront him, but to try and get my hands on hod mobile and see if there was any clue about it there.

I couldn't get his phone last night. Then he asked if I wanted to have a drink, I thought 'fuck it' so did.

I exploded at him, he denied all, and slept on the sofa. He's had loads of time to delete anything / come up with a story. He's not talking to me this morning and I'm not sure what to do from here.

Beachlovingirl Sat 13-Feb-16 11:09:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GloriaHotcakes Sat 13-Feb-16 11:14:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:23:59

No, I'd no idea. I used our laptop yesterday - we never use it.

I opened chrome and his open email account popped up. I saw a confirmation from the famous jeweller and was curious, so clicked in. I know snooping was wrong, I never usually do - and God knows what I've been missing.

We don't have the kind of money where £300 can be just splashed out.

Ooof35 Sat 13-Feb-16 11:26:59

Do you have a birthday upcoming that he might want to surprise you with something nice? A present for Valentine's Day?

I don't think snooping is wrong, I think buying a piece of jewellery that isn't for your wife is quite wrong, I would have strung him up. Poor you, hope your okay.

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:35:18

My birthday has been and gone. And we've never really done much for valentines day.

I just know it wasn't for me. The only jewellery he's ever bought me was my engagement ring.

Also, I'd go mad if he spent £300 on a trinket! We are broke and don't have money to throw about on things like that!

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:36:40

I don't know what to do though. He's upstairs huffing. I'm downstairs stewing.

I won't get any answers now. IF there was anything incrimination fin his phone it's long gone now. I'm so pissed off at myself.

AyeAmarok Sat 13-Feb-16 11:36:56

I see your issue. You know something his going on. He's denied it. He has now deleted the evidence and will cover his tracks better in future making it even more difficult to get proof. You don't feel like you can make a decision without concrete proof.

Can you do the sit him down tell him to start talking and you remain silent until he talks?

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:37:09

Sorry, incriminating on...

M00nUnit Sat 13-Feb-16 11:37:34

What's his explanation about the jewellery then? Is he just denying he bought it?

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:38:14

God he's crap at talking.

I'm the hot he's the cool in the relationship. I fly off the handle and shout and scream.

We're TTC FFS!

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:39:11

He said he was just looking at it for my Christmas present, says it was just an inquiry thing. He's lying! It was a confirmation! With billing and shipping info!

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:40:19

He laughed it off - told me I was being ridiculous. Then he started into me about snooping. And then just stopped talking to me.

BifsWif Sat 13-Feb-16 11:44:24

What type of jewellery was it? Where was it delivered to? Could it have been for a family member?

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 11:51:03

It was silver. I don't know where it was delivered.

It wasn't - we spend £15-20 max on Christmas gifts for family.

I've just checked the laptop again. He's logged out of the email so I can't see anything. And the history had all been deleted. He's going to just fob me off saying I was drunk and delusional.

Lynnm63 Sat 13-Feb-16 11:53:32

Do you remember the name of the jeweller you could try emailing,from the email address originally used, asking them to send a further email confirmation for your records or ask if they do complimentary matching pieces.
So sorry for you op that's a bit shit, might have been funny in Love Actually but not in RL.

Beachlovingirl Sat 13-Feb-16 11:57:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winkywinkola Sat 13-Feb-16 12:00:04

Do not let him gaslight you.

He has lied to you. He has spent money you haven't got. He is still lying to you.

Now he's letting you get upset by refusing to talk about it.

This looks pretty bad.

I would ask him to leave for a bit actually. Tell him it's so you can have some time to think things through, evaluate stuff etc.

It's a very good way to get your head together and work out what you think should be the next steps.

It also indicates that you are not someone to be trifled with.

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Feb-16 12:01:44

But he would say that, wouldn't he? As it is, he's deleted his history and is hiding.

hesterton Sat 13-Feb-16 12:03:20

Sort out the FACTS from the hypothesis/prediction/supposition.

Fact: He bought the jewellery (You saw actual electronic receipt.)
Fact: He has deleted everything
Fact: he is stonewalling you.

You don't need any more evidence. You know he's gaslighting.

What's your next step? What does this mean in real terms for you?
Where can you get real life support?
What do you want to happen given this set of circumstances?

foolssilver Sat 13-Feb-16 12:08:03

Sorry you are going through this Op. Don't let him gaslight you.

Ask to see his bank or cc statement. He can't delete it from them.

WhyIRayLiotta Sat 13-Feb-16 12:13:52

I'm waiting for him to come down so I can talk to him. I know he's awake. He's just avoiding me.

I'm so mad I can hardly think straight. There's no innocent explanation. None.

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Feb-16 12:18:16

Plan your worst case scenario, OP. (I've been in this position, btw.) If he comes down and admits he's been having an affair, what will you do? In my experience making someone leave at that point is a lot easier than making them leave later. Is there somewhere he can go to while you think about things?

DangerMouth Sat 13-Feb-16 12:22:19

OP asked him to show you the email again and then you can see for yourself if it was just an enquiry.

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