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Would you refuse to meet a male friends girlfriend?

(77 Posts)
sadladyintears Fri 12-Feb-16 19:04:35

My boyfriend of around a year has a female friend who he sees most weeks and describes as his best friend. I asked to meet her for the first time six months ago and have been quietly patient but was not introduced. It has recently started to cause arguments between us.

I found myself giving an ultimatum. Now I have said that if I don't meet her by the end of the month then it's over. I do trust him. I genuinely don't think there is anything going on between them more than friendship. But I am uncomfortable and I can't understand why it has taken so long and become so awkward.

He says he just hasn't given it much thought - even though we've argued several times about it since the new year. He seems to think that she might not want to meet me now because it would be awkward.

Would any of you refuse to meet the girlfriend of a male friend if you knew the relationship was at stake?

3sugarsplease Fri 12-Feb-16 19:06:52

Personally I can't stand his issue into not introducing you? Would be major red flags for me...

WipsGlitter Fri 12-Feb-16 19:09:01

Why would you end it over this? It sounds like you don't trust him.

Also it's unclear if she is refusing to meet you or if your DP has just not suggested it to her. Please don't blame her if you chose to end your relationship over this.

Fourormore Fri 12-Feb-16 19:10:45

Why would it be my responsibility (as the female friend) to save the relationship? Strange perspective to take, I think.

I would just end the relationship. Life's too short to be involved in relationships that are like battles.

RaptorsCantPlayPoker Fri 12-Feb-16 19:10:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 12-Feb-16 19:12:46

This is an oddly familiar tale. Have you posted about this issue, or one like it, before OP?

Why would his best friend not want to meet you now because it would be awkward? Could it be because he's been telling her that you're uncomfortable about their friendship?

gobbynorthernbird Fri 12-Feb-16 19:13:33

I bet this woman has no idea you want to meet her.

MoreGilmoreGirls Fri 12-Feb-16 19:15:03

Hmmm sounds like he is the one feeling awkward. It would certainly bother me.

StickyToffeePuddingAndCustard Fri 12-Feb-16 19:16:25

I'd be happy to meet any of my male friends' partners.

You don't know if it is him doing the stalling though, she may be completely unaware of this tension.

VimFuego101 Fri 12-Feb-16 19:16:31

It's weird, and his excuse that 'she might not want to meet me now because it would be awkward' is ridiculous.

sadladyintears Fri 12-Feb-16 19:17:17

Sorry phrased that badly. It wouldn't be her responsibility at all. It would be my decision. But I would just like some perspectives on whether you would refuse to meet a friends girlfriend? He has given me various reasons why we haven't met yet and this reason is the latest one

gobbynorthernbird Fri 12-Feb-16 19:18:01

He's lying.

WipsGlitter Fri 12-Feb-16 19:19:51

What reason? He thinks it would be awkward? Well it might be a bit - but it's the same when meeting new partners friends if either sex. There's shared memories and in-jokes on both sides. I assume she doesn't have a boyfriend.

Fourormore Fri 12-Feb-16 19:22:45

There are circumstances under which I'd refuse, yes, particularly if the girlfriend were demanding to see me.
I think there's a bigger problem here though.

sadladyintears Fri 12-Feb-16 19:22:52

I'm making the assumption that because they are friends he's talked about me. In the new year he said that he had asked her to meet with me but she was too busy for family reasons.

pickmeupputmedown Fri 12-Feb-16 19:24:58

If I were in your position, I too would want to meet her. For no other reason than to just confirm that she knows about me.

I am actually in the position atm of being 'the old friend'. I had a friends with benefit situation with someone but unfortunately my feelings deepened and his didn't. After a few years (and yes, I was dumb to wait that long) I could not continue as it was causing me emotional damage and I stopped the benefit but I still consider him my best friend and we talk and meet regularly.

I know he is now in a relationship but he does not discuss her with me. We have never talked about why he won't tell me details about her but I think it's because he knows I still have feelings for him and I could understand him being reluctant to get us together. Not that I would say any derogatory about him to her but because if she asked me questions about our previous relationship it may cause problems.

Iamdobby63 Fri 12-Feb-16 19:25:20

She would find it awkward? Why? Sorry that's just an excuse.

To answer your question, yes I would meet a friends GF.

Stick to your ultimatum.

Cleensheetsandbedding Fri 12-Feb-16 19:26:16

Oh god he is lying.

He is fucking her or wants to.

Run for the hills - what a faff!

cosmicglittergirl Fri 12-Feb-16 19:26:30

I wouldn't refuse, no. In fact, I'd want to meet a good friends partner.
She either doesn't know about you or something odd is going on.

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 12-Feb-16 19:31:46

If this was a normal healthy friendship, it would be completely natural and welcome for all of you to meet.

The fact that one of them wants to avoid this meeting suggests that something is not right: one or both of them wants to fuck the other.

sadladyintears Fri 12-Feb-16 19:32:04

I know if a good friend of mine wanted me to meet his girlfriend I would be really happy to meet up. I'm really sad that it's become an issue between but I don't think it will go away, not because I don't trust him with her but because it makes me feel that I am somehow being hidden and I don't understand why. Pickmeup I have wondered whether this is the situation with her and he is trying to protect her.

pickmeupputmedown Fri 12-Feb-16 19:33:14

OP If you are in the West Midlands then DM me as it could be me and I would gladly insist to him that I meet you to put your mind at rest.

Fintan Fri 12-Feb-16 19:34:54

How do you get on with his other friends?

sadladyintears Fri 12-Feb-16 19:36:02

Ah bless you pickmeup, but no, we are in different parts of the country.

Twinklestein Fri 12-Feb-16 19:36:53

What are they hiding between the two of them?

I met all of my husband's female friends and he met all of my male friends within the first year of our relationship & there was none of this angsting and drama. That's normal.

This isn't normal.

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