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So upset

(26 Posts)
bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 17:59:49

Typing through tears.

He pursued me for months, and seemed like such a nice guy. We were always talking about everything and we seemed to have the same views on it all. Six months of "relationship" and all the way through it we got on so well and we were happy and he would allude to a future "the last girl I was like this with I ended up living with" or "I have never felt like this before" but he would avoid certain things like events with my friends and I felt like he had commitment issues. He said he did, but that he was just afraid of being hurt.

So for months I have been being patient of his "commitment issues" and have been led to genuinely believe that these issues were real and that we were a real thing.

Cut a very long story short, I noticed he was still on a dating site and called him out on it and we just had a really long talk and I just demanded the truth from him and he said he loved being with me, loved our chemistry and he thought about the future a lot and just didn't see me in it as a proper girlfriend but he 100% wanted to be with me now but if that changed and he met someone else and wanted to date them, he would be sure to tell me shock and then he was shocked when I would not accept that arrrangement!!!! He said he would still want to see me if I'd said the same.

Completely and utterly broken hearted. I honestly, honestly thought we were in love. I really thought this was it because we were just so happy.

I told him I never wanted to see him again and thanked him for finally being honest and I left.

And now he is messaging ME that HE is hurt and upset and can't stand the thought of not seeing me ever again and can he come round and can we talk and how what we have is amazing and how we have to see each other and how I have this power over him shock and how he cares about me and how we have something really special and all that.

I am realising all he really wants me for....or ever has...is sex. He said me being a little older and having a child didn't matter, that he wanted me, do you think that is why he doesn't see me that way?

Ugh it was so horrible. I am just so broken hearted beyond belief I can;t stop crying. I haven't felt like that about anyone in years and I was just so happy.

sadladyintears Fri 12-Feb-16 18:06:52

flowers. So sorry you've gone through this, but sounds you have had a lucky escape and you have been very dignified - well done. Stay strong and move on.

ridemesideways Fri 12-Feb-16 18:10:32

I'm sorry, he's done a proper number on you. It's not your fault at all.

He's a spineless fuckwit.

RaptorsCantPlayPoker Fri 12-Feb-16 18:11:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 18:15:47

Why would he think I would be happy with that? Is it me?

I can't understand it.

And all he was doing as making jokes about how much I turned him on. I can't believe I am so valueless in his eyes.

bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 18:18:08

What does it mean that someone wants to be with you now, but doesn't see a future with you?

what's wrong with me?

I can't stop crying.

SherrieK Fri 12-Feb-16 18:23:18

There is nothing in the world wrong with you. It's him what a dim whit. I am so sorry, you have handled it really well. Stay strong.

LineyReborn Fri 12-Feb-16 18:23:49

He thinks you would be happy with that because, sadly, some people with self-esteem issues (ie self-esteem shot to bits by parents / partners like him) are prepared to put up with it.

I'm glad you are not. Bloody good for you. flowers

YouAreMyRain Fri 12-Feb-16 18:30:16

He has no right to contact you. Can you block him? It hurts like hell now but it won't last for ever

niceupthedance Fri 12-Feb-16 18:30:56

He should have been honest with you from the start. He is a selfish arse for not doing so. It's not you.

bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 18:32:02

why didn't he tell me that months ago???

I don't understand...so he could keep getting what he wanted?

That's sick

Do you think it's because I am older with a child, or something else about me?

stumblymonkey Fri 12-Feb-16 18:34:54

Every one of my single friends has ended up having their heart broken by a guy like this at some point.

Please write the following down and repeat it to yourself several million times a day until you believe it:

"I am bloody wonderful...he is an emotionally stunted turd with some serious baggage. I dodged a fucking bullet".

Then put Beyoncé 'Best Thing I Never Had' on repeat.

Basically there are some men out there with serious fuck off commitment issues and baggage. Nothing....and I repeat NOTHING...you did/didn't do/said/are/aren't made that happen.

Don't....please...I beg you...don't let him weasel back in with his words. He is a crap bag. If you let him weasel in he will play with your mind. Block his number and try your best to forget that he existed except for noting down the things that were 'red flags' so you know when one of this specific type of cockwomble turns up in the future.

....and by the way I love men dearly, I'm no man hater generally!

stumblymonkey Fri 12-Feb-16 18:38:54

....and I also had a run-in with this type of guy.

I did let him weasel his way back in with words. We were on and off for an eternity, it eroded my self-confidence while I tried to work out 'what was wrong with me' (nothing!). After the last time I found out he'd been seeing several other people to begin with, then had moved in with one of them and during the final time we were together was actually getting married to her in 12 weeks time.

DODGED. A. BULLET.

....and now I have a lovely DP who is the opposite of him in every bloody lovely way grin

Pancakeflipper Fri 12-Feb-16 18:43:23

He tells you what he thinks you want to hear.
He may have wanted to keep you in his life whilst he looked to see what else was on offer.

He is an arse and he's not been true to you, he's a pretender.

Stomp, cry. then laugh in his face as you turn your back on him as he's not worthy of you.

bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 18:55:29

I just don't understand really.

You date people, you like them or you don't. If you want to keep seeing them it's because you like them and if you don't see them as a potential partner you end it and go, right?

So he has never seen me as a potential partner, but told me that he did (or alluded at minimum) and he convinced me he was scared to commit to anyone.

But the truth the whole time was that he didn't want to be with me. That he was seeing me as a temporary placeholder for good sex and fun but that I didn't cut the mustard for anything else.

Is it me or is that just dispicable? Why didn't he just tell me? People would lie /play a part like that only to get what they want (sex)?

RedMapleLeaf Fri 12-Feb-16 19:06:16

There's nothing you could have done about his behaviour, but your behaviour has, in my opinion, been exemplary. Well done for handling the shock and still saying, "no deal".

bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 19:08:58

God, I am so upset, I tried to take a screenshot of what he said to my friend and accidentally posted it to facebook. I deleted it but hope only a few people saw it. Just to add to how shit I feel

bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 19:22:09

I think he's got something wrong with his brain. He sends me a message to say he'd had plans for valentines day, and so much for beign honest because look where it got him.

Has he got a screw loose?

ridemesideways Fri 12-Feb-16 19:27:07

Some fucktards deliberately pursue women who want relationships, for sex.

They go for the women who they see as more 'virtuous', or 'wholesome' rather than the ones who just want no-strings sex because... Well, I don't know, perhaps they don't want to admit what they're doing, or they don't see women as being equal to men... Maybe they like thinking that they are more in control, holding all the cards...

I don't know. But I've been there too and it's heartbreaking.

Even when he was saying to me "I can't see you in my future", his hands were literally doing something else to me despite the fact he knew (or maybe because of the fact that he knew) that I loved him and wanted to be with him.

It's sick, despicable and cowardly.

Guiltypleasures001 Fri 12-Feb-16 19:37:08

He's re writing history op and gas lighting you, he's twisting your words around so as he doesn't look like the bad guy, he's an immature head fuck you've dodged a bullet thanks

bessy30 Fri 12-Feb-16 20:45:19

It's hurtful that he just saw me as good enough for sex but nothing else.

stumblymonkey Fri 12-Feb-16 20:50:31

He likely has issues that mean he sees all women in a similar way....it's not about you I promise! thanks

Lweji Fri 12-Feb-16 20:51:21

Has he got a screw loose?

Maybe.
I'd block him or tell him not to contact me and that any further contact would be reported to the police as harassment.
You need some peace of mind.

springydaffs Fri 12-Feb-16 20:59:34

You poor thing flowers

This has nothing nothing nothing to do with you. It's nothing to do with you being older, having a child - it has NOTHING to do with you.

All him. The completely emotionally stunted shit.

Block him. Don't see or hear one more word from him. He'll only be whining, wilfully oblivious to the carnage he has created. Is he 8?

Dust yourself off love. It'll hurt like hell for a bit but hold on.

SonjasSister Fri 12-Feb-16 21:02:10

Pathetic. He's pathetic. Doubt if he's capable of forming a trusting loving relationship. There is no shame in trusting someone though OP. He's living in a different world and has no intention of acting like an adult.

He wasn't who you thought he was (ie a decent person), and that is horrible to go through flowers

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