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Shit sex. I've tried to talk to him but he doesn't seem to care.

(10 Posts)
DogsDanglies Thu 11-Feb-16 16:18:45

Been together 4 years. 10 years age gap. (He's 45 and I'm 35). In the beginning sex was good - over the years it was dwindled and now it only tends to happen if I instigate it. Even worse is that when it does happen, it's boring. I can count on one hand the amount of times he has given me oral in 4 years and even then I have 3 fingers left over. I tried it with him a number of times but after being more or less ignored whilst I was doing it, I've given up. Sexual positions - just the one for us I'm afraid.

Every single 'session' is the same. Robotic 5 minute foreplay, 10 minutes sex (missionary of course) and then sleep. I'm 35!!!!!!! And now my sex drive is dying because I know there is nothing much worth getting excited about even if sex does take place.

I had a big talk with him. Told him I really miss other types of foreplay and I'd like to experiment more and put a bit more effort/passion in. He agreed. Since then, not ONE change has been attempted.

Anyone else just settling for boring sex or is it always a deal breaker?

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 11-Feb-16 16:24:33

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What needs of yours does he meet in this relationship?.

You've talked to him to no effect, he is not going to change and he seems happy as he is. Only you can decide if this is acceptable to you or not and it does not seem like it is.

MsMims Thu 11-Feb-16 16:28:01

Why settle? You've told him that it doesn't work for you, and he has shown in his response that he doesn't give a shit.

I wouldn't want to face another 20+ years of this.

Claraoswald36 Thu 11-Feb-16 17:56:51

If you don't have dc or other ties then cut your losses. You are right - life is too short!

ImperialBlether Thu 11-Feb-16 23:14:39

There's no way you're having a completely great relationship with this man otherwise. He's got no imagination, is lazy and selfish. Surely these characteristics manifest themselves in other parts of your life?

wickedwaterwitch Thu 11-Feb-16 23:32:27

God, life's too short, you're young, leave!

Offred Thu 11-Feb-16 23:39:20

Urgh... This is like my xh...

All the talking and showing and supporting and cajoling in the entire world just could not improve things and I couldn't stick it out.

And yes he did show negative traits in other areas too. Really passive aggressive, had to always have things his way but evasive and controlling...

<sigh>

You've talked, it hasn't improved, you've been unhappy for years, the next step is leaving I'm afraid.

pinkyredrose Thu 11-Feb-16 23:58:38

He sounds selfish. Maybe he's gay?

Paddletonio Fri 12-Feb-16 00:18:36

Selfish

If you've told him and he does t make changes he's obviously not too bothered

Oral in particular not good enough imho - my Bf probably does it as many times in a week as you've got in 4 years because he likes doing it and wants to - would not want someone who needs nagging for this

You can do better

Isetan Fri 12-Feb-16 06:25:33

If he's doesn't want different, you can't make him but if you do, then it's your choice to put up with it or not. The balls in your court.

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